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挑战#35:哥斯拉俳句 (Broken Translation)


blogentry-38695-0-72732000-1315951752.jpg

Fix the translation of this Godzilla haiku.

http://godzillahaiku.tumblr.com/post/477508558/submission-saturday-submitted-by-david-black

This thick armored skin

这层薄薄的毛皮

You think it's ugly, but it

你觉得它很好看,其实它

guards my fragile heart

保温着我冷血的心

Source: Godzilla Haiku

9 Comments


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jkhsu

Posted

Initially I tried to make this back into a Chinese haiku but failed. I needed more than 5-7-5 syllables for the translation.

This thick armored skin

这层厚盔甲皮

You think it's ugly, but it

你觉得它难看, 可是它

guards my fragile heart

保护着我脆弱的心脏

  • Like 1
feihong

Posted

@jkhsu: I didn't even try to make the Chinese translation a haiku. That just sounds impossibly difficult.

I think 盔甲 suggests "suit of armor", since 盔 means helmet, but it's not exactly wrong.

I believe 心脏 refers to the heart as an organ. Again, not exactly wrong, but just 心 would retain the ambiguity of the original.

feihong

Posted

BONUS: 哥斯拉为什么在呕吐?

jkhsu

Posted

@feihong: Thanks for the input. Some thoughts:

For "armored skin" what would be your suggested translation?

For 心脏: I chose 心脏 because I thought the poem was describing the heart as the physical organ. Why would a "thick armored ugly skin" protect a metaphysical heart? The only thing I can think of is if the term "thick skinned" was mentioned which might create that ambiguity. However, I can't see how how "thick armored skin" equates to "thick skinned". I guess if you just take the term "fragile heart" alone, it could refer to either.

I asked my native speaker friend and she said that if I kept it as just "心", it would most likely mean the metaphysical heart and not the physical heart. Anyways, that's why I went with 心脏 instead. I'm sure there are other interpretations but just giving you my reasoning.

feihong

Posted

@jkhsu: It's a poem, so you're welcome to your own interpretation. I personally think it has a dual meaning.

我觉得“装甲”比较好。

jkhsu

Posted

Do I need to know something about Godzilla to figure out the bonus? The picture is also really tiny so I'm not sure if there are details in there I need to know.

feihong

Posted

No, I just randomly realized that the thumbnail I posted really seems to depict Godzilla barfing. There is no right or wrong answer to the question.

jkhsu

Posted

Here's my bonus attempt:

这个俳句是哥斯拉自己在呕吐前说的:

"在核电站边

看着鱼游来游去

吃下不舒服"

  • Like 1
feihong

Posted

写得不错,我赞!我也来一首吧:

虽然怀孕时

该多吃点,我喜欢

Doritos过头。

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