Paying the Bill

[葛亞輝（美國人）]

OK, so I have some vague ideas about this and the way it is apporached in Chinese culture, but nothing very clear, and I'll (hopefully) be going to China this summer so I'd really like to have a clear understanding of what the etiquette is for this. I keep hearing things about it...

[adrianlondon]

I'll give you a quick answer as a foreigner, but you may be better off waiting for a "real" Chinese person to post ;)

If you've ben invited out to dinner then the person inviting you is expected to pay. If you invited them, you're expected to pay.

There's a bit of a tussle when the bill arrives with both the host and the guest pretending to want to pay, but after a couple of rounds of this, the host will expect to win/pay. If you've been invited out but really want to pay (because it's your turn, the people inviting you have really helped you out or whatever) then you excuse yourself at the end of the meal, go to the cashdesk or waitress, and settle up.

[imron]

Or if you really want to pay the bill, but know that your Chinese guest is going to try and be the one to pay, excuse yourself to go to the washroom towards the end of the meal, and go and pay the bill then. Sometimes you might even need to do this a bit earlier, to prevent the Chinese person from trying the same trick on you :-)

[Yang Rui]

Not sure what other people think about this, but i'd be a little careful about sneaking off to pay the bill unless you have clearly stated before the meal that you are the "inviter".

Unless things are clearly stated beforehand, i think it's usually assumed that, as a foreigner in China, you are the guest. If, as a guest, you sneak off and pay, i think there are some people who might feel terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. - "aaagh! i let my guest pay!!"

Of course, it depends on the situation and you have to use your best judgement. It depends how close you are to your companions. If there is a particular person who is always taking you out to dinner and always refuses to let you pay, maybe sneaking off is ok. But i think the best way to deal with it is to actively invite that person out to dinner and when the bill arrives insist that as the inviter, you must pay. It helps to have your cash easily to hand so that it can be quickly thrust at the waiter/waitress.

I think it's also worth bearing in mind that as the "inviter", the onus is on you to order the dishes, and to take the lead in ordering more drinks, asking for the bill etc. If you ask your guest to order and he/she knows you are paying, it puts them in a bit of an awkward situation ("is this dish to expensive? Is this one too cheap?"). Likewise, they are hardly likely to quaff beer with wanton abandon unless you take the lead in ordering - otherwise they would look like they are taking advantage of you. As the "inviter" you have to make sure your guests have eaten and drunk as much as they can and feel "tongkuai". For this reason, foreigners who speak no Chinese will always find it difficult to pay the bill because they are forced to assume the passive "guest" position.

I hope this doesn't sound like i'm making things more complicated than they really are. It's not that hard really, and after a few feasts, you'll get the idea of the dynamics.

.

[imron]

I agree completely, which is why I used the term "Chinese guest" in my post. It's nothing I'd do unless I'd made it clear that I was the one inviting, and knew (from experience) that the person would try to be the one to pay. In fact I only learnt about this method from Chinese friends doing this to me even though I'd been very clear upfront about who was inviting who