Meeting the Extended Family - When?

[sooty]

I am an English Guy living in Munich where I met my Chinese girlfriend last summer.

When she was home over Christmas she told her family and friends about me. I suggested she waited but she felt that she wanted to be open with them. It is clear that they have reservations about me. She says that mostly this seems to be age related as I am 39 and she is 26, although there is certainly a sense that integrating into the family will be difficult.

We talked about me going to China with her in May, but I am very concerned that I will make a bad impression as I speak no Mandarin at all. Although her family are all very well educated speaking in English will be a problem and it feels to me that I need to make a big effort to demonstrate my commitment and May would be too much of a stretch.

I am already having to learn German for my day to day work and tackling 2 languages simultaneously is a tough ask to make progress by May. I am debating not going in May and going later in the year with a little more Mandarin under my belt.

Anyone have any thoughts or advise on the right approach?

Thanks,

Jono

[roddy]

You're not going to learn much by May, but with a bit of work and some help from your girlfriend you can learn a dozen or so 'very nice to meet you' and 'thanks so much for your hospitality' phrases easily enough, and that will be much appreciated. If you had more time you could maybe get some very simple conversations under your belt, but it sounds like you don't.

As for when, etc - follow your girlfriend's lead, she'll have a much better idea of how her family works than you do. I might be inclined to leave it till later - not for language reasons, but on the basis that the longer you wait to meet them, the more commitment you've already shown in advance. Any idea if the family want you to come over?

[simonlaing]

I just wanted to add that don't be so concerned about the Age difference. In China it is common for the man to be 5 -10 years older than his partner . (partly due to the fact that he often should have a good job, buy a house and have money before he starts looking)

The important thing to convey is your commitment and dedication to her in front of her family. Sometimes that comes with time in the relationship. That she told her parents about you while in Germany and her parents speak English well are very good signs.

I have a good Chinese female friend who is thirty to her fiancee's 52? . And there was the story of the Famous, genius math professor who came back to china from the US at age 75 I think and got together with his 35 year old graduate student. So things are relative.

good luck, take things slow,

Simon:)

[sooty]

Gentlemen,

Thanks for the advise.

I think I will wait and go later in the year. That way I can feel confident in having some basic Mandarin and also we can figure out a little bit our medium term plans. Germany will not be an ideal location for us in the future, perhaps back to the UK or USA.

[zozzen]

Chinese tends to reckon that Chinese is the most difficult language in the world so you don't have to be fluent at it, but to pretend that you're trying to learn it hard. Some parents like to teach foreigners a lot of chinese vocab (hey, this is a television, Danshi ; It's toliet, shi shou jian.....) If they do, just pretend that you love it.