Coping with Culture Shock

[kdavid]

The following article is number five in a series of articles being published by the management of the Will-Excel TESOL Institute. The purpose of these articles is to acquaint those considering moving to China with Chinese culture, language and expectations, particularly those entering the TESOL field, in order to ensure as smooth a transition as possible.

Culture Shock

This article is comprised of three parts: an introduction to the four basic stages of culture shock, common situations foreigners encounter in China, and strategies for coping with culture shock.

The Four Stages of Culture Shock

The term “culture shock” is generally used to describe the feelings a person encounters when traveling to a new country. Whether it be on a temporary basis (short holiday or vacation, business trip) or more permanent (studying and/or working abroad), it can be argued that we all experience culture shock.

There are four basic stages of culture shock: fascination, friendship, frustration and fulfillment.

The first stage of culture shock, the one which we all arguably encounter, is fascination. Many tourists never pass this stage of culture shock because their duration of time in the host country is too short. The fascination stage of culture shock is just how it sounds: fascinating. This is when we, as outsiders, look upon our new country of residence as fresh and exciting. Everything, no matter how different or unusual, seems to be tolerated as we make allowances for things we might normally accept back home in our own country. The Chinese, for example, that never queue up, disobey every traffic law in the book, spit everywhere and those who start blasting their loudspeakers advertising their tea-boiled eggs or umbrella-repair service at five a.m. every morning are not irritating, but “peculiar”, “represent a distinct characteristic of Chinese society” and, even sometimes, “cute”.

The second stage of culture shock, friendship, occurs when our feet gradually start to hit the floor. Though we are still fascinated by the host country, our feelings of wonderment and adventure are beginning to wane. It is during this stage of culture shock that we begin to feel the need to reconnect with other human beings. For many travelers this means establishing friendships with other foreigners in the area. For others it may mean beginning to learn the language and making local Chinese friends. Regardless of the relationships established, the traveler will be connecting with others and setting down roots.

During the third stage of culture shock, frustration, reality bites. At this stage our feet have completely reconnected with the earth and the awe of being abroad in a new place has worn off. Generally, at this stage the traveler has been working and or studying for a number of weeks or months. How long it takes for a person to go from fascination to frustration varies from one to another. However, what is tried and true about this stage is that all of those little things we shrugged off as “peculiar” and “neat” during the fascination stage are now starting to get the better of us.

It’s not longer “very interesting” that a man specializes in fixing umbrellas, but outrageous that he could be so awake and loud before the sun has finished rising. That no one queues up for anything has gone from “funny” to infuriating. And those little old women on the street that spit better than your beer buddy at university have lost all sense of “cuteness” and instead become just disgusting. The frustration phase of culture shock is certainly the most difficult for us to deal with. However, it does not have to last long, and it does not have to ruin that fantastic frame of mind that we began our great adventure with.

The fourth stage of culture shock is fulfillment. This is when everything seems to have come together. We now know and understand some of the details as to why Chinese culture is different. It is often at this stage that the traveler has made a number of local friends and laid down stable roots. The traveler is, at this stage, no longer an outsider, but an active participant in Chinese culture and daily life. He or she almost certainly has a number of local friends, and has thus developed a deeper understanding and appreciation of the culture. The fulfillment stage is certainly when all of the frustration endured in stage three has come to past and in its place provided the traveler with a number of entertaining stories to share with friends and family back home.

What to Expect in China

The following section of the article deals with some of the common situations foreigners will encounter in China. Though the list is by no means exhaustive, we hope it will cover some of the more common encounters.

Staring

Depending on where you are living, being stared at may or may not be uncomfortably common. Generally, in cities other than the hectic mega centers (Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, etc) foreigners are not so common that locals see them every day. So, for those who do notice others staring at you daily keep this one word in mind: curiosity. It is not everyday that some Chinese come in contact or pass by a flesh-and-blood foreigner. Most people are just curious to steal a glance.

“Hello”

It will happen. You’ll be walking down the road or waiting for the bus when out of nowhere someone yells “Hello!” Distraught and confused, you may look every which way to see if that “Hello” was coming from a friend or colleague. Most of the time, however, it will instead be from a random passer-by wanting to practice the one word of English he knows.

No privacy in public places

Going back to the curiosity factor, many Chinese are interested in what foreigners do. Most of their information about westerners comes from the media, and it is rare that they see a foreigner in a grocery store or other public place. For this reason, it is not uncommon for some Chinese to look through your grocery basket at the supermarket or over your shoulder when eating at a restaurant. They are just curious to see what a “real” foreigner is eating or buying.

Rudeness to “servants”

Many places in China still abide by the master-slave relationship when it comes to the service industry. In the case of a restaurant, for example, the customer is the master and the waiter or waitress the slave. Therefore, it is not uncommon to see customers treating their servers in a degrading manner. This is, however, a part of the culture. [One such example (though to the extreme) perhaps familiar to those in the West is the “Rising Sun and Anger Release Bar” in Nanjing City. See this link for more: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2006-08/07/content_658196.htm ]

Parental / Spousal abuse in public

In China, the house is the man’s domain. What he says or does to his family is of no one else’s concern, and nor is it their right to comment on how he raises / governs his family. Though by far a commonplace act, you may see parents slapping around their children, or husbands their wives, on the street. The worst thing a foreigner could do in this situation is interfere.

Very pushy salespeople

Chinese salespeople are known for being extremely pushy. A good explanation for why this: imagine that you are competing with hundreds, if not thousands or others, on the same floor of a mall or in a market. Then imagine you have a family at home to feed and that the income made from your small booth is the only source of food your family has. If I were in that situation, I’d be pushy too.

Paying more than you should

A friend once taught me a saying prevalent throughout Communist-ruled Central Europe: “He who does not steal from others steals from his family.” As a foreigner you will inevitably be charged more than locals. Many Chinese assume that different color skin, a higher nose and bigger eyes equals a bigger wallet. Many Chinese therefore see foreigners as an opportunity to put some extra bread on the table, or just take advantage of the otherwise unaware.

How to Cope with Culture Shock

Following are three steps that can be taken to ease the transition into your new home.

1. Awareness is key. Those who have read this far have already showed a willingness to learn. By knowing what to expect you are arming yourself with the know-how to combat any frustration you may encounter. When feeling frustrated, some find it helpful to take a deep breath and say, “This is culture shock.”

2. Learn the language. If you never learn the language than to many locals you are just a tourist, and tourists are not taken as seriously as established expats. Not only will you gain respect from the locals, but learning the language will help foster a sense of independence that you could otherwise never have.

3. Make local friends. Sure, having other foreign friends is necessary. We need like-minded people with whom to vent our frustrations and share our experiences. However, other foreigners cannot always give you the culture insights that locals can. Locals have a deeper and more intimate knowledge of the culture, obviously because it’s their own. For this reason, locals become an invaluable source of information about the culture and friendship.

[liuzhou]

Culture shock is not the linear experience described here. People jump back and forward between the stages described - and there are other stages.. Even long term ex-pats with years behind them feel frustration from time to time. Everyone has the 'bad China days'.

All in all, a fairly shallow and patronising article, methinks.

[gato]

Cut the guy some slack

I would get rid of the "Four Stages of Culture Shock ." It's hokey. The rest is pretty good.

[Lu]

Been there, read that. But for first-timers, it's good to know that there is a culture shock, what it is, and that chances are you will get over it. This article serves well enough for that.

But I disagree with this:

If you never learn the language than to many locals you are just a tourist, and tourists are not taken as seriously as established expats.

Foreigners are always, always foreigners. There is no such thing, I think, as being taken seriously as an established expat. Also, there is not the looking down on tourists that Westerners tend to do. In my experience, in Chinese culture there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an uber-tourist.

[muyongshi]

Foreigners are always, always foreigners

Very true but you will come to a better level of acceptance with friends but as a whole society....老外

Of course there is no rule about those phases and you will experience the same feelings over and over but as a whole the article is not bad though the time frame(s) are not very well laid out and not accurate.

I would never say fulfillment for the fourth stage, I think normalization is better. And this normally occurs around 2 years (give or take). Once again a generality but a good idea of what happens. This stuff isn't without research.

[jonaspony]

I love this kind of post. It makes me wonder about so many things.

Do you reckon these 'cultural attributes' have no equivalent in other cultures? Parental/spouse abuse, pushy salespeople, paying more than you should?

I don't see differences except in style and degree. Here, in Australia, most everyone is violent and selfish towards their spouse/children in some culturally condoned manner, staff in shops are damned useless (give me a sales person who has the power to drop the price any day), and frankly I think I pay more than I should most of the time. The mark-ups here are huge, standard and unavoidable. Migrants to this country and so many others are subject to current political machinations, and rarely have a secure place as 'insiders'.

On the brighter side, I would love to be game enough to say 'ni hao' to any little yellow friend in the street. I like to hang near them in shopping centres to hear them speak Chinese, and am greatly disappointed if it happens to be Cantonese/Vietnamese etc. And when in China I like to be dragged into shops by the staff - it's great fun.

And having visited China over several years, I have only on rare occasions been charged more than the local price. And, when I am too sleepy or sick or can't be bothered bargaining on that five dollar item, I have frequently had the shopkeeper drop the price for me, unwilling to charge the opening price. I figure I have saved AU$1.73 this way and am putting it towards the next airfare.

Everyone has the 'bad China days'.

I agree. I don't know any Chinese who don't get tired of that umbrella mender waking them up at some ungodly hour. But that's only one umbrella mender among hundreds of thousands, and I promise to sort him out on my next trip (I already have $1.73 towards it). Most people, on certain days, don't like the Chinese - including the Chinese. And the same could be said of any group.

But what I never get used to is the number of foreigners in China, the number of 'sinophiles', who don't really like China. Why go there?

HERE'S MY TIPS FOR COPING WITH CULTURE SHOCK

Remember:

Everyone is annoying because they think their culture is the best, the Chinese are simply more annoying because they justify their position with rational argument.

Everyone is funny looking, the Chinese just make the extra effort to remind you of that fact.

Everyone wants your money, as much of it as possible - in China they are unabashedly honest about it.

In China, someone will often want to help you. Whatever it is you want to do, you might be successful despite their help.

There are a lot of people in China. A real lot of people - being just like real people.

[kdavid]

I think there's a lot of truth in a lot of these comments here.

Culture shock is not the linear experience described here. People jump back and forward between the stages described - and there are other stages.

This is definitely very true. I jump back and forth a lot, as do many of my expat friends here. Culture shock is certainly not a linear process, but more like a roller coaster.

There is also the "fifth stage"--reverse culture shock. This occurs when we go back home and view / take part in our own culture as an outsider because we've been away for an extended period of time.

Foreigners are always, always foreigners.

Unfortunately, I agree with this. And this is one reason why I could never make a life in China and stay here forever. I'm always just a foreigner here.

I have this conversation with my girlfriend quite often: in America when people look at her they don't see "a Chinese", they see another American. It's not until after she opens her mouth and they here a "different" accent that they start to become a little curious. America is full of immigrants and different colored skin. In America, it seems that you're assumed to be an American until proven otherwise. In China, however, if you're not Chinese, you're always a foreigner, and no amount of language fluency or culture knowledge will change that.

Do you reckon these 'cultural attributes' have no equivalent in other cultures? Parental/spouse abuse, pushy salespeople, paying more than you should?

There are certainly equivalents in other cultures.

I'm originally from Orlando, Florida, the home of the mouse. And, only in Disney World will you pay eight bucks for a can of coke. So, yeah, you're certainly paying more there than you should.

However, when I go to Disney I know that I'm paying a lot more than I normal. Should I go three miles down the road, however, and eat at a restaurant that has nothing to do with Disney, I won't be paying more than I should. From this point of view you could argue that I'm willingly paying more than normal for the ambiance of drinking a coke next to Mickey Mouse.

Also, regardless of the color of my skin or size of my eyes, I pay just as much as the next guy. However, in China, just because I look different, I often pay a lot more than the next guy because it's assumed I'm wealthy.

I think there's a big difference here, between paying more than I should in America vs. China. In America, I know I'm going to pay more in touristy areas. There's no discrimination between a local and a tourist. However, in China there is blatant discrimination against foreigners--more so than I've witnessed in other countries.

It should also be said that I'm sure that plenty of wives and children are beat in the States and other places around the world. However, in America or other western countries, if a stranger sees a guy beating his kid or wife in public, that stranger is likely to get involved to stop the abuse. This rarely happens in China. Also, the repercussions from this type of action are severe--jail time, losing your children to social services / foster care, etc. These types of repercussions aren't as prevalent in China.

All in all, a fairly shallow and patronizing article, methinks.

Lastly, the aim of the article was not in any shape or form to patronize China or its people. On the contrary, the aim was to explain the basic principles of culture shock and point out some of the more obvious culture differences than generally bother new foreigners to the country. I'm a firm believer that awareness is a key component of promoting and encouraging cultural understanding.

It's much easier to accept the staring and lack of privacy if we know why it's happening than if we didn't. It's also much easier to cope with our frustration when we know why exactly it is that we are frustrated and where that frustration comes from.

I apologize to those who feel my ideas are patronizing or hurtful. That was surely not my objective.

[Lu]

It's much easier to accept the staring and lack of privacy if we know why it's happening than if we didn't. It's also much easier to cope with our frustration when we know why exactly it is that we are frustrated and where that frustration comes from.

I quite agree.

Funny story about staring at the foreigner:

Foreign girl comes to study in a small city in Taiwan (this is some years ago). She is the first foreigner ever to live in that town, maybe even the first to visit it at all, so people are very curious about her, and they stare, stare, stare. Understandably, after some weeks of being stared at by the entire town, this starts to unnerve to foreign girl.

The local authorities and the school keep an eye out for her, as she is a foreign student, all alone. One day, when asked how things are going, how she is doing, she replies that she is fine, studies are going well, and she likes the food, but she is getting annoyed by all the staring.

The local authorities sympathize, and decide to take action.

They hang up big signs around town: Do not stare at the foreigner!

This was told to me as a true story.

[johnmck]

The lack of privacy does not just happen in China. When I first came to France (from the UK) I lived in Orleans, a town of about 100,000 people about 100 km south of Paris. I worked in a factory of about 300 people and knew about 10-15 people. What I didn't realise at first was everybody immediately knew me as I was one of the few forgieners in the town and I immediately became a focal point for gossip. The people in the factory would tell their friends about the new English guy, and they would then keep an eye out for me. Whatever I did at the weekend and where ever I drove (English car), someone would see it and discuss it with everyone else at the factory.

Every Monday morning when I arrived at the office the receptionist would never simply ask me if I had had a good weekend, but instead would ask if I had a good time in so-and-so night club or if I'd enjoyed visiting so-and-so park, ...

[nomad]

I think this is very stereotypical/ gross generalization of culture shock. I hope your school doesn't try to publish it, there are better publications out there than this.

Plus the fact that you think Florida is the home of the mouse- get real, its Anaheim California. I'm not sure if you really know what you're talking about.

[jonaspony]

Hey Kdavid, thanks for the post.

What I tried to illustrate in my reply was that culture shock occurs from within. Its a chance to learn about your own culture and the bubble you have grown used to living in, the water the swimming fish doesn't see.

For example,

In America, I know I'm going to pay more in touristy areas. There's no discrimination between a local and a tourist.

the contradiction in this quote betrays an enculturated concept of fairness. You aren't aware of it, because you've grown familiar to it. The alternative construct of fairness presented in China sometimes leans more towards "each according to their means" not "each the same despite their means".

I am surprised when tourists complain about being stared at. What are they doing every day but staring? In our culture tourism is condoned staring so we don't notice ourselves doing it.

What I most want to say is, when you present culture shock as something that occurs outside the self, you reify the notion of the 'other' and therefore waste the opportunity culture shock offers. But I think it is difficult for westerners to drop their hokey ideas of being 'free and open-minded' and realise that they too, as much as anyone, have a constructed culture.

*********************************************************************************

As to the article, I suppose I would like to see it presented in positive terms. As a guest inviting others into your host's home, presenting local habits as negatives might be considered a tad impolite. Of course it's difficult to present cruelty to spouse, child, or employee in a positive light, but to simply say that such actions are part of the culture doesn't seem explanatory or useful.

The vaguely Marxist explanation for the 'pushiness' of vendors was a little more refreshing, as much of China can only be understood in terms of a prolonged and acute poverty. But don't your guests need to know things like: if you ask how much something is, you are starting the bargaining process. A little more practical perhaps?

When folk stare, I wink at them. It never fails to resolve the tension.

When folks want to overcharge me I say, "Oh you think I look like a rich man, thankyou so much". That works with beggars in my own country too.

When shopkeepers drag me by the shirtsleeves into their booth I play a pretend game of tug-of-war and enjoy it immensely.

I learned the photo smile in China, and my friends all say I never looked happier. I am suddenly photogenic.

I learned to spit like a professional. No more wet chin and shirtfront for me.

Instead of holding to the idea that you have a right to moan about China's unfairness, why not ask the forum for advice on ways of dealing with culture shock and the odd ways of our yellow friends? This would widen the scope of advice you could pass on. There's bound to be a lot of creative stuff out there, not just the hackneyed "he looked at me funny" complaints. Personally, I wish William Excel and his friends a very bumpy transition!

[gato]

the contradiction in this quote belies an enculturated concept of fairness.

Grammar police: I think you meant "betrays," not "belies."

[jonaspony]

El Gato... you are so right... cheers to ya. (the mistake has been edited)

[kdavid]

Plus the fact that you think Florida is the home of the mouse- get real, its Anaheim California.

You're right. I should have said a home of Mickey Mouse. I stand corrected.

@jonaspony

That was honestly a very encouraging breath of fresh air.

I understand and can see where you're coming from when you say that the article is on the negative side, and that's certainly not the type of image that we want to try and project when presenting this topic. Again, the aim of the article is to help those making the transition abroad.

Taking your advice to heart, I think we should start throwing some positive ideas around. I really, really enjoyed your list of "techniques" for dealing with the day-to-day bustle of China.

How about you others? How do you turn rather annoying / negative situations / encounters into positive ones? Please share your ideas.

[zozzen]

Rudeness to “servants”

Many places in China still abide by the master-slave relationship when it comes to the service industry. In the case of a restaurant, for example, the customer is the master and the waiter or waitress the slave. Therefore, it is not uncommon to see customers treating their servers in a degrading manner. This is, however, a part of the culture. [One such example (though to the extreme) perhaps familiar to those in the West is the “Rising Sun and Anger Release Bar” in Nanjing City. See this link for more: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2...ent_658196.htm ]

In many service industry like banking, railway and many state-run service industries, staff still assume that they're helping you,but not serving you. They see their role as a volunteer more than a servant. Not only they can ignore your request, they expect "customers" to obey their ridiculous decisions.

[zozzen]

The local authorities sympathize, and decide to take action.

They hang up big signs around town: Do not stare at the foreigner!

Twist the angle and being stared may not be all bad. I went to Vietnam in early 90s and all people stared at us. I felt irritating, but my friend always flagged her hands and said "hello, chao" to these strangers, acting quite like a pop-star and Miss World. I believe, it was enjoyable.

Being stared seems common to Asians in some european places less visited by tourists too, though the experience, frankly, is not that disturbing and annoying. When i was in rural German towns, i was stared curiously by many locals. Most of time, they didn't say anything and didn't bother to disturb you. Kids were more eager to make a chorus of "hello" than adults. A group of young girls came to us and said "wo ai ni" (i regretted i hadn't given them a western hug!). In an indoor skating rink we even became the focus of all people. When I jumped over a barrier, the loud claps were burst from a group of uninvited audiences who seemed to be curious that we could skate. It was funny, though a little bit embarrassing when we fell down.

The most annoying experience to me is not being stared, but an enthusiastic effort on yelling commercial "hello". In some tourist areas like Nha Trang, a driver followed me for a few mins and said "wanna massage?" "motobike (with body language) , uh uh?", "Hey, you!" In shenzhen railway station, a notorious human wall of enthusiastic ladies always blocked your way and asked "where you want to go? Let me help you. We have a taxi. Very cheap! Hey, where do you want to go?"

Saying no means nothing to them, but they take it as a positive response, because at least you're willing to talk to them and it's a hope of being hired.

[outcast]

In China, the house is the man’s domain. What he says or does to his family is of no one else’s concern, and nor is it their right to comment on how he raises / governs his family. Though by far a commonplace act, you may see parents slapping around their children, or husbands their wives, on the street. The worst thing a foreigner could do in this situation is interfere.

to NOT interefere is the worst thing that can be done. these "men", these animals deserve the wrath of justice.

[muyongshi]

Chinese men are violent dangerous animals it is our DUTY as civilized men to rescue their victims. to NOT interefere is the worst thing that can be done. these "men", these animals deserve the wrath of justice.

How do you recommend doing this? Stealing there women?

Odd thing though...in Sichuan the women are the ones typically known for being the aggressive party and the rulers of the house.

[outcast]

By stopping their evil whenever they commit it (not treating it like a circus event).

Although depriving them of potential victims isn't such a bad idea.

[muyongshi]

Well I'm no mathematician but I believe we will have to revert to polygamy for this plan to have an effect...