please help me: amend a english composition .请帮助修改

[back]

hi, i am back.

a friend of mine is crazy about a girl and write this composion , he is not good at english. he need somebody to help him to amend this compositon. there must be many mistakes in it.

thanks in advance! please help him!!!

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Everyone wants to find an ideal girl in one’s heart, I do too.Everyone has own standard of an ideal girl.My roommate says the girl must be beautiful.This was the most ordinary word that I heard. I thought that this word reflected the man wasn’t mature yet.We couldn’t judge people only by appearance.More important was her soul.I remember a word that interior beauty is just really beautiful,isn’t it ?Fortunately,I come upon a girl like that.

She looks very simple and natural. She has a big pair of eyes and long black hair.She is sincere and friendly with others. Everyone she knowed thinks she is a wonderful girl.When I chat with her,I have a special feeling that make me feel quiet and dependable.She ofen appears in my mind. As I see the lovers walking hand in hand in the campus,I will fall into bad mood.But I can’t tell her about this,not because I don’t love her,but because I may be difficult to bring happiness to her in the future. What I shall do! Now I am very confused.

How far is the ideal away from reality? I ofen ask myself. Nowadays,more and more people think that love must be based on the money. Although I couldn’t accept this view,I have no way to avoid such a question,after all I don’t live in vacuum. She and I have different social background.I come from the country,I clearly realize that if I want to succed, I would pay more effort than the others under the same circumstance. I know there is a zigzag way in fornt of me to go.I am not willing to see my sweetheart suffering with me,for I am a man.Maybe someone will say that I lack courage and I am a coward. It’s just that they don’t know what the true love is .I always think that loving someone doesn’t lie in deriving her but hoping her happiness,at least I think so. However, I will remember I ever loving a girl like that.

[confucius]

Every red blooded boy in China wants to find an ideal girl. Me too.

What makes a girl ideal? Every guy has different standards. Most men, like my roommate, agree that the girl must be beautiful. It's just ordinary common sense reflecting the maturity of boys who have passed puberty. We judge people by appearance every day, so why not pretty girls? Soul is only important for those lacking exterior beauty, isn't it?

Fortunately, a friend of mine stumbled across a girl like that. The first thing he noticed was her body, so simple and natural! Like Sailor Moon in Japanese animation, she has a big pair of eyes and long black hair. She is also sincere and friendly with others, so everyone thinks she is a wonderful girl. When my friend chats with her, he has a special feeling that makes him feel excited yet demure. She often appears in his daydreams and once in a while makes appearances in his nocturnal visions.

As my friend sees lovers walking hand in hand on campus, he can't help feeling depressed. Yet he can't tell Sailor Moon about this, not because he doesn't love her of course, but for the mistaken idea that it might be difficult for him to bring happiness to a ugly girl's future, let alone this comic book goddess. What should he do? Now everybody is confused!

I often ask myself: "How far could this be from reality?" Nowadays it seems more people are thinking that love is a commodity that is based on one's financial bottom line, not the bottom of one's heart. Although my friend can not accept this view, he has no way to avoid this question. After all, he doesn't live in a vacuum even though his job description involves pushing a vacuum cleaner. Sailor Moon and he both come from different social backgrounds. He is a country bumpkin from Anhui province while she is a cosmopolitan city girl from the nicer part of Shanghai. If he wants to succeed, he'll need a new pair of shoes and must exert more effort than others under similar circumstances. He knows the path to success with the cosmopolitan girls is an expensive zigzag obstacle course in front of him and that he'll have to be passionate like a hungry man eating soup with chopsticks . He is not willing to see a potential sweetheart suffer embarassment with him, for he is a man too proud to beg. Maybe someone, even a foreigner, will say he lacks courage and is a coward. Perhaps they just don't have a clue what true love really is. A friend of mine always thinks that loving an ideal girl involves actively making her happy, not just idle hoping. At least that's what he thinks. It's better to have lived and loved one ideal girl, then to forever regret not even trying to make the attractive nymph bend over laughing thus gaining a consolation glimpse of cleavage inside her qipao. I will always remember loving a girl like that.

[back]

thank you for your time and effort.thanks a lot .dear confucius.

我想我用中文表达谢意和敬意更顺利些。呵呵。

非常感谢您花时间和精力为我修改作文。真不知道说什么好。

你好像也来自中国，英文真棒！

如果今后有能效力的地方，请告诉我。

btw：另外，一种意思往往有很多种表达。

不知道这里还有别的朋友，可以提供建议吗。

呵呵，也许我不应该在这里过多的谈论英文的学习，抱歉。

我是论坛新人，请多关照。

thanks again。

yours back

[back]

呵呵，刚才急于写回复，还没有仔细看。

看后觉得你写的太棒了，居然还有很多发挥和创造。

[bathrobe]

forever regret not even trying to make the attractive nymph bend over laughing thus gaining a consolation glimpse of cleavage inside her qipao

Confucius, I can't seem to find this salacious little detail in the original. Is this your contribution to the concept of an 'ideal girl'?

[back]

Quote:

forever regret not even trying to make the attractive nymph bend over laughing thus gaining a consolation glimpse of cleavage inside her qipao

Confucius, I can't seem to find this salacious little detail in the original. Is this your contribution to the concept of an 'ideal girl'?

[Shi Rui'en]

haha. Never before have I seen qipao written in English. I am quite sure English does not have anything like a qipao unless there is a dress from say the '70's. Possibly the '60's.

Looking down a qipao, eh?

[trooper]

I thought qipaos didn't have a low necklines but came up high, to the collar.

[sunyata]

back, if the girl is chinese, why did your friend bother to write the essay in english? is he trying to impress her with that?

[nnt]

A citation from

http://www.chinese-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=11041&highlight=#11041

I tried to get a closer view in order to offer my translation services

Now the question is:

"up, close and personal" or "down, close and personal"?

[nnt]

A citation from

http://www.chinese-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=11041&highlight=#11041

I tried to get a closer view in order to offer my translation services

Now the question is:

"up, close and personal" or "down, close and personal"?

[back]

if the girl is chinese, why did your friend bother to write the essay in english? is he trying to impress her with that?

hehe,that girl is chinese, but her major is english, and she will be a english teacher. perhaps my friend want to use this english love letter to 追求她and让她感动。

[bathrobe]

Look, if the guy is lovesick he is thinking of more than looking down her cleavage. His letter is full of the selflessness of true love -- his lack of confidence that he has nothing to offer this girl, and the truly heroic determination that he would rather see her happy without him than miserable with him.

Confucius, can't you make the letter a bit more romantic? The version you wrote will destroy his chances forever.

[Guest nuer]

Confucius - if I were the recipient of that letter I wouldn't be enticed - I may get a little bit suspicious.

[trooper]

I think back's friend has produced a lively little piece of writing. I enjoyed reading it!

It sounds like the friend mentioned in the story has never had a girlfriend before. Ahh, puppy love.

[39degN]

hahaha, confucius, be nice to ppl!

your tune is more like from a 玩世不恭的花花公子 (kidding )

[nnt]

hahaha, confucius, be nice to ppl!

your tune is more like from a 玩世不恭的花花公子

Wrong: should be written

玩世不恭的花花孔子

[back]

花花孔子

you guys all have a great sense of humor

[39degN]

Wrong: should be written

玩世不恭的花花孔子

you see Confucianism is the most tolerant religion in the world, i cant imagine ppl say 花花XX to other spiritual gurus...

[nnt]

i cant imagine ppl say 花花XX to other spiritual gurus...

I apologize. I never thought he would come back from paradise (you know, the Western Peaceful Land) to correct an english letter. I always thought the man above was an impostor...

My apologies to 万世必恭的华华孔子

I wouldn't dare X-rate him either