Is it that hard for me to find a foreign boyfriend?!

[md1101]

ouch indeed. though i must admit i can't help but be wary of girls specifically looking for 'foreigners'. Men like their women to put up a bit of a fight and if they find it was too easy from the beginning then it doesnt' really last because the guy doesnt feel lucky. at least thats how i feel. i met a lot of girls in china but the only girl i finally really liked took me quite a bit of effort to get! and im still with her nearly 3 years later....

and i warn you if you do search bars where lots of foreigners go to you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak because these are spots where there are so many girls looking for foreigners that they dont get taken very seriously apart from being used for a bit of fun.

try making some friends with students or other foreigners who are in china for the long term (at least a year)... and wait for them to make the moves. and play the game!!!

[md1101]

oh, and if anyone is up for a bit of a laugh.. read some threads in the relationships and love section of the shanghai expat website. its hilarious! you'll start to think our beloved chinese-forums is either full of really intelligent people or has great moderators (gotta be the former).

[muyongshi]

Men like their women to put up a bit of a fight and if they find it was too easy from the beginning then it doesnt' really last because the guy doesnt feel lucky. at least thats how i feel. i met a lot of girls in china but the only girl i finally really liked took me quite a bit of effort to get! and im still with her nearly 3 years later....

Yeah but they can't play too hard to get otherwise the guy may just throw up his hands and go "What the hell am I doing?!?!" because he is so frustrated.

Hard to get but with enough incentive...

I am also wary of someone who specifically wants a "foreign" boyfriend and honestly Chinese are too. Whether it is a passport or not it usually means that they want something. I was walking a friend to work and they wouldn't let me take them within sight of the school (she's and English teacher) because apparently a lot of teachers want a foreign husband to improve their English. Yes, that can be considered legitimate to a degree but that is never the point of having a partner (married or boyfriend/girlfriend). You don't go into a relationship with the idea of USING that person.

[Lu]

What I gathered from the OP's post is that she wants a foreign boyfriend because

- after having spent some time abroad, she feels a bit foreign herself

- she has the impression that foreign guys are more special, and have something extra (their foreign-ness) over Chinese guys

I didn't get the impression she was after either a passport or a language exchange, more after the interesting part of having a foreign boyfriend.

My brother, Dutch like me, once was going out in a city far from home, with his friends, some Dutch, some international. My brother spoke English all night, and pretended to be American, and this actually helped him in picking up a girl. She was mostly interested in him because she thought he was exotic because he was 'American'. Mind, this was not in China.

[reisen]

Well.

I don't know.Maybe the past few days just got a litttle bit crazy and so lonly or something.

After reading so many replies, after these few days, and quite holidays.

I realize that it's not always right if i just want to find someone because i am lonly and want a harbor or want somebody really care of me.

I think there will be someone right there waiting for me. Sooner or later. But it's not easy.

So, just keep a quite mood and wait here. Learn hard and read more books. Smile everyday.

That's all I need to do.

Thanks so much for all the replies.

Thanks:)

PS

I am 60kg, and 168 cm, mum always says i am too fat. Especially for chinese guys...

I want to learn Swedish, who can teach me?????

[Lu]

I am 60kg, and 168 cm, mum always says i am too fat.

Seems to me that Chinese moms love to criticize their kids. Your weight is fine, 60 kg is just right for 168 cm.

Good luck, enjoy your life, and you'll meet the right guy sooner or later!

[muyongshi]

Of course we hope for you that it is sooner

[reisen]

And.....

My dreamland is Sweden. NOT USA!!!! （thinking of learning Swedish now... nicht mehr so viel Englisch.... don't think most "Foreigners" can help me to learn this language...）

So I don't need to find someone for a passport. And also doesn't mean I need to have a Swedish boyfriend...

Just think It's much more complicated with a Chinese boy. I must always think of them, such as Mianzi, or something. And the intelligent ones are earnest, study hard, but don't know how to have fun, don't know to use perfume, don't listen such much music, care too much about money, house, future and always play much computer games!! But don't know how to enjoy life.

I can understand them. I do. Because I am also a Chinese.There're so many people here, so competetive in China, we have to care so much, to be better and better.

I think, most of them are like that.

Just want to find someone who can hold my hand walk along the streets. Share music, books and thoughts. Go to Church together, drink coffee together also bars and discos. Stare at each other for long times. Want somebody to spoiled me.... Buy many Teddy bears for me as well as roses...

HaHa, I always like to dream a lot, mum thinks I am so childish:oops:

Anyway, don't think of so much about boyfriend right now.

Sometimes you want something so much, but you can not get.

I have talked with my dear hostdad in Germany, he said there's somebody there for me, maybe he is not so handsome, not so smart, but i will have one, for me the perfect one.

God bless me.

,

[muyongshi]

don't know to use perfume

Not many guys do... :wink: (we use cologne)

The computer game things is real annoying in my opinion. They should be addicted to more constructive things (like these forums )

[MartinF]

it will be easier to find a foreign boyfriend in a foreign country, like Sweden. You will have "supply and demand" on your side. That means you will be exotic, if you are good looking, in Sweden, whereas in China you have much more competition.

I am an English guy in Beijing. I found it very easy to meet girls here, but I fell in love with my girlfriend and now we are like the soulmates that you describe.

So, definitely try to make friends. You can't just sit at home. You have to get involved in activities where foreigners participate. Bars are popular but also certain kinds of sports. Meeting people online is also a good possibility. Your written english is fine.

Regarding your weight, it really depends where the weight is distributed. My girlfriend is 165cm and 57kg which is big for Asian but she's curvy, not fat, like a westerner. It was definitely something I liked and attracted me. I don't like skinny, flat-chested girls from anywhere.

[Lu]

Between girls who want to be given teddy bears and boys who want to play computer games, it seems the one child policy might as well be abandoned, 'cause how on earth is anyone going to hook up at all, let alone have babies?

[outcast]

"Is it that hard for me to find a foreign boyfriend?!" is not the proper question, but "Is it that hard for me to find a foreign passport?!" is the proper question............

She's already been overseas to a Eurozone country, it would be quite easy for her to go back or to get into the US. I can understand why you are jealous, she is just not wanting to be involved with your stone-age attitudes about relationships. Go back to the farm, 农民.

[muyongshi]

Ouch....

[gato]

Well, 1.3 billion is too many, anyway.

[madizi]

Really nice thread.

I think that in a West, things are changing and there is more and more women who just want men for sex. Maybe emancipation has something to do with it....

As others said before, don't rush. Just make friends with many foreigners and if you'll know them better, then you'll be able to see if there is someone who can be/become your soulmate/boyfriend. Maybe you also underestimate Chinese boys. But I may be wrong, of course.

But I don't think that the problem of foreign men in China, who just want sex, is just their short-term stay in China. Maybe Western values are somehow different. Sex and love can go together or not. Maybe for that reason a term "special friends" was coined. The term means that man and woman are very good friends, but beside friendship they also have sex. Some realtionships of this kind become serious relationships and some don't. It depends how both of them feel about their relationship.

I know an European who had "special friend" in Taiwan (she is Chinese). Later, their relationship became very serious.

So, my point is that even if relationship with particular guy (or girl) starts with sex, that doesn't mean that it will stay this way until the end of relationship. Reisen, you are a woman and women's intuition is far better than men's. So use it for your benefit. Many women can smell from far away guys who just want sex and nothing else.

And one more thing about sex. As far as I perceived, in Western realtionships, the interval between starting of serious relationship and sexual "acitivity" is much shorter than in Chinese relationships. So don't get alarmed when even a "good" guy would like to have sex with you.

Just be flexible! And wish you a good luck!

[reisen]

Well, I was one time in Germany. In Cologn, accidently met a German guy in the great cathedral. He was so nice, sweet and handsome. We talked a lot about our religion thoughts, and many things else... He held my hands, and we walked along the old streets, we ate icecream together, took photos, sat on the grass, went to the concerts and spended a whole afternoon on the bank of the beautiful Rhine.

We were together for two days. We have kissed. But nothing more. Acturally if he asked, I would make love with him I am sure. I thought I have fell in love with him.

Well, it's just a Fairy Tale. The end of the story is, we said goodbye, stared at each other for few minutes for the last time, and turned back. I came back to my city in germany, he his.

All through my whole young life, he is the best memory with only warmness and happiness, with the beautiful scenery and the whole comely city.

But our love looks so small in front of the big distance. We both have our own life.

From then on, I think not only sex can make us love each other more.

It's one of my best feelings even he haven't touched me that much.

[chenpv]

As far as I perceived, in Western realtionships, the interval between starting of serious relationship and sexual "acitivity" is much shorter than in Chinese relationships. So don't get alarmed when even a "good" guy would like to have sex with you.

Speaking of which, Reisen, there is also a good thread in this forum: When did you lose your virginity? Check it out!

[MartinF]

Hi Reisen,

I like your story about meeting the German in Cologne. Things can seem quite wonderful for a few days or a few weeks, but culture shock and cultural differences can become very problematic after a few months or when you move in with your foreign partner.

I've had a few experiences with Asian girlfriends in serious relationships. I found we often would quarrel about major issues. Money, sex, are the big ones. Also, who pays for stuff, who works, when and if you will have babies. How the children will be raised etc.

I'm at the 6 month stage with my Mongolian girlfriend. We have lived together for about 2 months total now, first in London then in Beijing.

One weird problem which I've noticed with other girls of all races, is the heavy use of cellphones and heavy television watching. I barely use my phone and watch almost no tv. Many girls these days do both. My girlfriend is a major cellphone user both for voice and SMS. And watches lots of tv, too.

So when it's Mongolian soap operas and I don't understand a word and there's no subtitles it can be a chore to watch together.

[md1101]

hey reisin, too bad i see you are in nanjing! i know a swedish guy in shanghai right now looking for a girlfriend..

hows nanjing these days? the subway up and running yet?

[imron]

Reisen, meet rezaf.