Dialogue for my chinese class

[kshea88]

Hey this is my first post here everyone, actually just found the forums. I'm in my first semester of Mandarin and for my final grade this Tuesday I have to write and perform a dialogue in front of my class. Ive already written it but I know its not really correct. I had planned for an aunt of mine to help with it but she is in Puerto Rico now and wont be back until after the fact. Just so you all know our teacher wanted them to be "interesting" so its a little weird, but without any further adieu here goes:

In Characters:

R - 喂

Kris - 你 知道 你 的 女儿 在哪里吗？

R - 你 绑架 我 的 女儿！ 你是谁？

Kris - 我 叫 黄 眼镜蛇。

R - 眼睛蛇 你想要 什么?

Kris - 黄 眼镜蛇! 我 常常 绑架 而女？，我 要 一千七百万 元。

一千七百万 元 吗？可是 我 只 有 十五百万 元。

R - 一千七百万 元 吗？可是 我 指 有 十五百万 元。

Kris - 你 想不想 你 的 女儿 活？你 支付 我 一千七百时二 月 十五 号。 你 有 五 天。

R - Ok, Ok, 我 支付 你，可是 我 需 七 天。 你 不 他 损害 吧。你 是 怪物。

Kris - Hahaha, 哪里 哪里， 对不起 你 依然 五天。

R - 好，我会去找这些钱。你照顾好我的女儿。她喜欢吃美国饭，喝绿茶

Kris - Ok, 但是 如果 你 不 支付 我，我 她 诛杀。

heres what I meant for it all to resemble in English:

R – Hello

K – Do you know where your daughter is Ronnie?

R – You kidnapped my daughter! Who is this?

K – I am the yellow cobra.

R – What do you want cobra?

K – Yellow Cobra! I often kidnap children. I want 17 million dollars.

R – 17 million dollars? But I only have 15 million.

K – Do you want your daughter alive? You will pay me 17 million dollars December 25th. You have 5 days.

R – Ok ok, I’ll pay you but I need 7 days, don’t harm her you monster.

K – Hahaha I’m sorry you flatter me, you still have five days.

R - Ok I will try to find the money. Take care of my daughter. She likes to eat American food, and drink green tea.

K – Ok but if you don’t pay me I will kill her.

Ill take any suggestions, corrections would be great =]. It doesn't have to be any less strange just gramatically correct. Also like I mentioned it is also a first semester class so it doesn't need to be eloquent or anything.

Thanks in advance.

[qianxiao]

R – Hello

喂！

K – Do you know where your daughter is Ronnie?

你的女儿在哪你知道吗？

R – You kidnapped my daughter! Who is this?

你是谁？你绑架了我女儿！

K – I am the yellow cobra.

我是黄眼镜蛇。

R – What do you want cobra?

你想要什么？眼镜蛇！

K – Yellow Cobra! I often kidnap children. I want 17 million dollars.

是黄眼镜蛇！我可是个惯犯，一口价，一千七百万，（一个子儿也不能少）！

R – 17 million dollars? But I only have 15 million.

一千七百万！但是我只有一千五百万！

K – Do you want your daughter alive? You will pay me 17 million dollars December 25th. You have 5 days.

不要你女儿命了吗？一千七百万，25号给我，给你5天时间准备！

R – Ok ok, I’ll pay you but I need 7 days, don’t harm her you monster.

好的好的！给我七天时间，我会给你的，但请不要伤害她！你这个魔鬼！

K – Hahaha I’m sorry you flatter me, you still have five days.

hahaha!过奖了，很遗憾，五天时间！

R - Ok I will try to find the money. Take care of my daughter. She likes to eat American food, and drink green tea.

我答应你，我会尽力筹钱。请照顾好我的女儿，她喜欢美国食品，饮料喜欢绿茶！

K – Ok but if you don’t pay me I will kill her.

没问题！但是一旦你不能如数付给我，我会撕票！

注释：

撕票：杀死人质！

建议：

应有警告不要报警的对话！

By a Chinese

If you have any question?Please contact me! zongzhi@live.cn

[heartless]

hoho,interesting. Basically understandable but needs a little improving.

R - 喂 ?

Kris - 你知道你的女儿在哪里吗？

R - 你绑架了我的女儿！ 你是谁？

Kris - 我叫黄眼镜蛇。

R - 眼睛蛇，你想要什么?

Kris - 是黄眼镜蛇! 我常常绑架别人的小孩，我要一千七百万元。

R - 一千七百万元吗？可是我只有一千五百万元。

Kris - 你想不想要你的女儿活了？二月二十五号，你必须给我一千七百元。记住你只有五天的时间。

R - 好的好的，我可以给你钱，可是我需要七天时间准备。千万不要伤害她，你这个怪物。

Kris - Hahaha, 哪里 哪里。对不起，你依然只有五天时间。

R - 好，我会想办法筹到这么多钱。你要照顾好我女儿。她喜欢吃美国饭，喝绿茶。

Kris - 少罗嗦，要是到时候还拿不到钱，我就撕票。

[muyongshi]

The changes to me make it sound a bit more fluid, less awkward

R - 喂 ?

Kris - 你知道你的女儿在哪里吗？

R - 你绑架了我女儿！ 你是谁？

Kris - 我叫黄眼镜蛇。

R - 眼睛蛇，你想怎么样?

Kris - 是黄眼镜蛇! (i think you should add an explicative here) 我常常绑架小孩儿，我要的是一千七百万元。

R - 一千七百万元吗？可是我这里只有一千五百万元。

Kris - 你想要你女儿活下去吗？二月二十五号，到那个时候你一定要把一千七百元都交给我。记住你只有五天的时间。

R - 好的好的，钱我可以给你，可是我需要七天的时间做准备。千万不要伤害她，你这个怪物。

Kris - 哈哈

[muyongshi]

Sorry, lost part when I hit submit (thats what I get for using my phone)

Kris -哈哈哈， 哪里 哪里。对不起，我依然只给你五天的时间。

R - 好，我会想办法筹到那么多钱。你要照顾好我女儿。她喜欢吃美国餐，喝

[skylee]

But the deadline is 25th December. You guys have extended it by 2 months.

[kshea88]

Hey thanks to all for the help, I performed the dialogue today and ended up making an A for the semester =].