Attitude toward Premarital Sex in China

[djogg]

I grew up in Asia and I always had the impression that no one really kissed until they were married, let alone had premarital sex. I understand that my childhood perception was probably distorted since I also lived in a Christian community and my household was ridiculously sheltered, but... is it really me or has premarital sex actually become more acceptable in China (and Asian culture in general)? If so, when did it begin to change?

I'm also curious about the dating rituals in China. I've read in a history book that prior to the 1970s marriages were mostly arranged by parents, but I've read a few stories that take place before the 1970s where the characters date their partner before they get married. And on that note, how is dating in China different from dating in the western?

(I know this post is all over the place, but I just woke up. Any related information would be appreciated. Thanks.)

[xuechengfeng]

I don't know what the consenus is on pre-marital sex in China, but I did live at a university for a couple of months and had a Chinese roommate with a girlfriend. My perception was Chinese relationships are a little more "immature" than Western relationships and a lot of younger kids probably aren't having sex. College couples often reminded me of how we acted with girls in middle school and early high school.

[Senzhi]

I can only speak for my area: premarital sex is not OK, kissing in public neither. And I'm not convinced this has to do with religion, but simply with the attitude of their parents: why they actually have children, for preserving their old days or for preserving the family?

Dating is OK here, but under strict control of the parents. I know many of my students are simply not allowed to go out with their friends, male nor female. Dating is simply restricted to chatting on QQ, until ... well ... the parents have chosen the marriage partner.

Of course there are exceptions, and in general, young people do no longer agree with this extremely conservative behaviour, as they tend to be more liberal in their thoughts and their actions: premarital sex does happen, but never admitted (e.g., at universities & colleges). Nevertheless, they are still bound to the "house rules" inflicted by their parents.

Again, this is only for my area, as I have seen other (big) cities, where the whole relationship road tends to be more liberal.

[self-taught-mba]

The raw facts:

% who have premarital sex:

1989 -17%

Latest figure (2005??) - 70%

That's a big change in 20 years. BJ males joke that there are no vigins left.

[yonglin]

My impression is that many young people are engaging in pre-marital sex (just look at the number of cheap hotels next to many university campuses) - I didn't actually realize the significance of this until I made a baidu search on the matter some year ago (always been curious about how Chinese university students find room for privacy given their crowded living conditions). However, since the older (parental) generation is likely to be extremely critical of the whole premartial-sex thing, I would think it's very discrete when it does occur. I also got the impression that Hong Kong is a lot more traditional than the Mainland on this matter, which might follow from the absence of cultural revolutions and a greater proportion of people being actively religious.

I saw this Canadian documentary on TV the other day, about China's "sexual revolution". They made it seem that all of China were crazy about sex, but I dare say ithis probably applies more to larger cities, and then within smaller groups of the young city population. However, it is quite uncontroversial that there's been a significant change during the past decades.

[imron]

I think the other thing to realise is that even though there might be a high prevalance of pre-marital sex, I would hazard a guess that a fair amount is among couples who are almost certainly expecting to get married to each other and who just don't see the point in waiting until their wedding night.

[self-taught-mba]

a fair amount is among couples who are almost certainly expecting to get married to each other

Until they break up. :mrgreen:They all say the same thing. Having a boyfriend is good enough now. The only problem is is that they can't wait to get a boyfriend. Then find out there are problems.

[gougou]

I saw this Canadian documentary on TV the other day, about China's "sexual revolution".

Documentaries like this have been coming out about every half year for about the last decade, I guess.

I wouldn't be too sure about the 70% figure, either. I think that there is a large number of conservative people especially in the countryside that, even if they did have premarital sex, would not admit to it. I wouldn't be surprised to see that they have not been represented accurately in the research.

[Outofin]

The raw facts:

% who have premarital sex:

1989 -17%

Latest figure (2005??) - 70%

The figuires look real. I suppose the percentage is for all who got married in that year. For big cities, I would estimate the percentage is much higher than 70%.

In early 80s though, sex-related hooliganism was a crime that would be seriously punished.

[zozzen]

No doubt about it! Premartial sex is extremely common around friends of mine in China. Observing huge volume of sex shops are now open in the mainland China, I'm more interested about modern Chinese attitudes towards sexual joys. Is it common to have a blow job?

[cdn_in_bj]

What might be more telling is to look at the abortion stats (if accurate ones can be found).

[lokki]

In early 80s though, sex-related hooliganism was a crime that would be seriously punished.

"Sex-related hooliganism" ? I got curious here. Can anyone tell me what on earth that is (or was)?

[Outofin]

^^^

Sorry, I don’t know which word I should use. My English may not make any sense or even mislead. What I meant was 流氓罪.

Impropriate sexual relation was considered a crime. Sexual harassment was a heavy offense. That includes some pervert things, such as peeking at showering women. As I understand it, homosexual (I know some got very interested because it’s a sensitive topic) was considered impropriate sexual relation too. I don’t think it was a discrimination or persecution particular to gays, but is simply a case that was no different to other 流氓 but are discovered as special later.

I might be wrong because I'm too young to tell the stories from then.

[self-taught-mba]

Attitude toward Premarital Sex in China

I should have just responded: "They enjoy it":mrgreen:

[lilongyue]

I think the unbelievably HUGE size of the sex industry in China, by which I mean prostitution and not how many vibrators and rubber pussies are for sale, is some kind of indication of Chinese attitudes towards sexuality. If you assume that it's all married men frequenting the karaokes, massage parlors, "barbers," etc., then adultery is common place. If it's single men going, then that says a lot about Chinese men's attitudes towards premarital sex. Either way, pre- or extramarital sex is widespread, and that's only a guess based on the amount of prostitution.

My wife and I lived together before marrying, and I asked her what Chinese thought of this. She said that nowadays, if a man and woman are engaged, most families don't mind them living together (which means they are having sex), but of course this attitude probably isn't common throughout the whole of China. Anyway, from the parts of Asia I've seen, I think most countries are becoming more and more liberal in regards to premarital sex. Industrialization and modernization seems to usually mean Westernization, which comes with more freedom and rights for women, more liberal views on sex, and a weakening of local traditions and attitudes. Things like condoms and abortion becoming widely available in many Asian countries also has to have an impact. So long as no one is pregnant, how are most people going to know that you've been having sex in the first place? If you are sleeping with your future husband, and so no one is going to check for physical indications of virginity, nobody will know whether or not a woman is a virgin.

[Senzhi]

If it's single men going, then that says a lot about Chinese men's attitudes towards premarital sex.

Absolutely true. I never believed one man on earth can stay virgin until marriage, if you give him the chance not to do so. There's an expression: a man follows his ...

Women, however, are less "fortunate". And I know that in my area, traditionally, the girl's family might seriously lose face if she's not a virgin on the wedding night.

If you are sleeping with your future husband, and so no one is going to check for physical indications of virginity, nobody will know whether or not a woman is a virgin.

True as well. But what if the relationship suddenly breaks up before marriage? And the girl is no longer a virgin? It might become very difficult for her to find a new "potential husband", based on traditional values.

Young people are acquiring more liberal views. Nevertheless they still are bound to the family rules. And that's not such an easy thing to break.

Neither are rooted attitudes.

As an example: I asked my students (18-20 years old) this morning about their thoughts on homosexuality, explaining that Belgium is one of the 3 countries in Europe where marriage between homosexual people is now legally allowed.

The response was as simple as shocking: gay people are bad. Full stop.

[mythia]

I was amused some time ago by a 70s-80s-90s comparison, here I'd share a relevant part:

70后：他们娶老婆的时候想娶处女。

80后：我们觉得无所谓，只要相互感情好就可以了。

90后：结婚需要感情吗？..需要结婚吗？..

[flameproof]

Attitude toward Premarital Sex in China:

From my experience it is usually a form of self protection about the unknown. It's like saying "after I have my driving license I will drive very careful". We know how long that lasts...

In practice it's more like "I will NOT have sex before marriage - " but most often the 2nd part is omitted: "...unless I meet the right one, then maybe".

The "right one" in many case is the first one a girl ever meets. Marriage in China is most importantly about the "when" and not the "whom".

What is said and what is done is very different.

lilongyue

..nowadays, if a man and woman are engaged, most families don't mind them living together (which means they are having sex), but of course this attitude probably isn't common throughout the whole of China.

I am sure you are right. A girl living in the countryside with her parents will have a difficult time. Luckily a huge number of youngsters move to the big cities alone were they have much, much more freedom to do what they like.

[rezaf]

In our university(mostly from 10pm until 3am) you will find many Chinese students kissing each other outside their dormitories in the garden and I have never seen anyone stopping them. You call it cultural suicide but I believe that by getting rid of old traditions mainland China culturally has become a very modern country.