Chinese Girl Shouldn't Date Much?

[Artem]

The average number of partners is also way higher in the West. This is proven.

Not that I doubt you, but you can't say it's proven without actually linking some kind of evidence because I have never seen a proof of that. I have however seen the contrary results such as what Imron pointed out. I do agree with him, that those facts can't be taken as 100% true because they could be very bias (we don't know without detailed scientific paper enumerating methodology, sampling methods, etc). Personally, I think so many people think that the western people have more sex than Chinese people is because of how much it's talked about. Chinese people (from my experience) are less likely to talk about the number of their previous sexual encounters than their western counterparts.

BJ you seem to have a huge complex about the West mate. I'd imagine you'd be very disappointed if you went to there to find it's more old ladies walking dogs and boring towns full of DIY shops, than depraved sex fiends rabidly humping anything that moves (at least where i'm from anyway)

Nah, that's true pretty much everywhere in the West. There's a small population that is like BJ describes, but not nearly as much as he has lead himself to believe (but every country has population like that). He would indeed be disappointed.

It's a good thing I don't judge Chinese people based on what I see on television however.

I completely agree with you. That generalization is very common to TV shows, but it obviously doesn't apply to the whole country.

When I studied at university in China, I learned of several college girl who got pregnant and got abortions. When I asked them why they had sex without a condom if they didn't want to get pregnant, several of them replied that it was because they didn't have one at the time or they were too shy to buy one. Now this happens just as often in the West, but I can't take that concept and generalize it for the whole culture of either country because it's simply not true.

Such behavior goes against chinese ethinic rules, which has been proved higher moral standard through thousands of years. Overly open mind is not forward, it is backward.

This is exactly what I was talking about. No matter what is said, you believe that your culture is always better than others. How has the Chinese ethics been proven a higher moral standard through thousands of years? And even then, how can you compare it over thousands of years? To think that Chinese culture today is the same as it was a thousand years ago is pretty naive, as is to think the same about western culture.

On the side note, I think BJ's ideas about western world are based on that show "Sex in the City." His description of the culture matches perfectly with that show. If you never seen that show, it's been described before as a story about "three whores and their slutty aunt."

[self-taught-mba]

The Durex survey is hardly representative. It was done online. That favors the top 15% of the population that has the internet in China and also favors the younger generation.

[self-taught-mba]

It's a good thing I don't judge Chinese people based on what I see on television however.

So true. And agreed. I have to tell many Chinese life is not like Friends. However, if TV also reflects somewhat a culture even if it is not an accurate portrayal. The US has a very sexualized culture and the TV shows match it (and often exaggerate it)

Not that I doubt you, but you can't say it's proven without actually linking some kind of evidence because I have never seen a proof of that.

I can't say it? Well it is a forum.

And, I can say it because it has been proven. I don't have to spend time searching for what I have seen before. (and you don't have to believe me either )

I have however seen the contrary results such as what Imron pointed out. I do agree with him, that those facts can't be taken as 100% true because they could be very bias (we don't know without detailed scientific paper enumerating methodology, sampling methods, etc).

Ahhhh. But a simple search you proffer would also point out others criticizms of the survey and the methodology used.

--typed

[Lu]

The US has a very sexualized culture and the TV shows match it (and often exaggerate it)

Even if the US puts a lot of importance on sex, that still doesn't mean everybody is humping everybody all the time. Also, you can't equate the US with all of the west, to many in Europe the US is a very strange and foreign country.

(As to the Durex survey, unless men sleep with each other a lot, I don't think it's possible that men have more sexual partners than women, like that survey says, since most sexual encounters require one of each. Unless I'm missing something here.)

BJ seems a bit naive. Prostitution is rampant in China, so clearly not all Chinese men are of the 'dating for years and never sleeping with anyone else' variety.

[Woodpecker]

Prostitution is rampant in China, so clearly not all Chinese men are of the 'dating for years and never sleeping with anyone else' variety.

Alternatively their trade may be being boosted by foreigners.

[Lu]

Are there that many foreigners on Hainan?

[self-taught-mba]

Latest Durex Survey

The number of sexual partners varies considerably from person to person – the global averages are;

o heterosexual men – 13 female partners

o heterosexual women – 7 male partners

o homosexual men – 108 male partners

o homosexual women – 11 female partners

o bisexual men – 21 male & 14 female partners

o bisexual women – 13 male & 3 female partners

The Austrians top the league as the world's most experienced lovers - Austrian men have had 29 sexual partners and Austrian women 17. The Chinese have had the fewest sexual partners, with an average of four for men and two for women.

Either the Chinese suddenly got more conservative since the 2004 survey everyone is quoting, it was flawed or the new one was flawed.

[Lu]

o heterosexual men – 13 female partners

o heterosexual women – 7 male partners

The Chinese have had the fewest sexual partners, with an average of four for men and two for women

Clearly the whole survey is flawed to begin with, as everybody is lying. Or I am missing something. In case of the latter, could someone please fill me in on how these results are possible?

[jbradfor]

Clearly the whole survey is flawed to begin with, as everybody is lying. Or I am missing something. In case of the latter, could someone please fill me in on how these results are possible?

Let's see, men tend to brag (overstate) their conquests, while women tend to be more modest and understate it. So let's take the average of (7+13)/2 = 10 partners?

Or maybe we can assume that any study about something as personal as sex is flawed?

Slightly back on topic: another potential reason for Chinese dating less (assuming it is true) I'd like to toss out. Chinese kids seem to be strongly discouraged from dating during high school and college. I've heard many Chinese (both ABC and Chinese born) say their parents told them not to date during college, as it will distract them from their studies. Then, as soon as they graduate, their parents tell them to get married quickly. So the "dating" age range is much smaller for many Chinese, only from end-of-college to end-of-college + 4 (or so).

[ipsi()]

It's perfectly possible for those results to be valid.

It may not be likely, necessarily, but it's possible:

Assume 10 men and 100 women were sampled. Each man has slept with 10 of those women, but each women has slept with only one of those men. Average = 10 for men, 1 for women. Easy.

[Woodpecker]

Are there that many foreigners on Hainan?

Is prostitution exclusively reserved for Hainan? You said prostitution was rampant in China, not Hainan specifically.

[Lu]

Is prostitution exclusively reserved for Hainan? You said prostitution was rampant in China, not Hainan specifically.

I was giving one example, of a place that (reportedly) has a lot of prostitution, but very few foreigners. Obviously there's a lot of prostitution elsewhere in China as well, and most of it not because of foreigners, I just thought Hainan illustrates this particularly well.

Assume 10 men and 100 women were sampled. Each man has slept with 10 of those women, but each women has slept with only one of those men. Average = 10 for men, 1 for women. Easy.

Heh. I'd call that bad research, because of a very unbalanced sample. But you're right, this way it's possible within the sample.

their parents told them not to date during college, as it will distract them from their studies. Then, as soon as they graduate, their parents tell them to get married quickly. So the "dating" age range is much smaller for many Chinese, only from end-of-college to end-of-college + 4 (or so).

I heard the same. Assuming they listen to their parents, this would result in a very small window of opportunity for dating. But I think actually a lot of Chinese date in college, after all they are young, with a lot of other young single people around them, plenty of opportunity to meet, and (often) no parents around to tell them not to date.

[ruoxuan]

I've heard many Chinese say their parents told them not to date during college, as it will distract them from their studies.

I never heard of this. it's ridiculous. actually my parents and a lot of my college classmates' parents urge us to date during college because

as soon as they graduate, their parents tell them to get married quickly

[imron]

It's not so ridiculous, especially once you get outside of major cities. The college I used to teach at actually had a policy forbidding students from having boyfriends/girlfriends. The policy was later relaxed a little bit (boyfriends/girlfriends were allowed, but no hand-holding etc in public), however even then it was also not uncommon to hear the students talking about how they had boyfriends/girlfriends but were worried that their parents would find out and make them break up.

[crazy-meiguoren]

*big sigh of relief now that the thread is back on topic*

How do Chinese look at dating for older people (age 40-50 or so) who have been married before?

[vinhlong]

Well, I guess there is a portion of the Chinese parents who discourage dating during highschool and college. My parents did so. The reason was so I would not get distracted during college.

LubYossie's parents find it inappropriate to date a lot of guys (more than two counts as a lot). Some posters waved it away as old fashioned, and go for the individualistic approach and choose for yourself.

But this view actually swings both ways: if the guy she falls in love with is Asian, there is a chance his parents (and the rest of his family) will find LubYossie an inappropriate girl for having dated too many guys, and oppose the relationship.

[simonlaing]

I think if you're 40-50,

The most acceptable age of the women you should be looking to date would be 30-45. Also look to those with higher education like a Masters or PH. D.

Because of the strong belief that women should have kids before she is 30, those ladies who are over 30 and still single are almost considered spinsters. (there are exceptions in Hong Kong and Taiwan but in general this is a common rule to go by.

For below 30 women, Chinese couple like to keep with in the 5 year age range though up to 10 years is possible if that person has something extrodinary, (i.e. lots of money, great job, super position in government. etc..) This is my experience.

Also if you can show that you are stable and meet the three requirements 1. Apartment(in China or out), 2. Good job 3. Money (a.k.a. Car, or travel a lot). You will be very desirable.

Add into that your promises to take care of her parents in retirement and not be a wife beater or an alcoholic and you're golden.

Do you fit the reqs? tell me which one is lacking?

In Chinese history there was a lot of precedent for big age gaps between spouses. Rich men in the Ming dynasty Could have 4 wives and 3 concubines. The first wife was usually 5 years older than the husband an chosen for him by his parents for family purposes. the 2-4th wives he could get to choose (if he could afford it .) and were often 5 years younger. Remeber some rich women bond their feet to look good, and couldn't work really.

Chinese people often marry people in their work place or those that are introduced to them by match makers (Family, friends, professionals or the internet ). ( I was set up with my chinese wife as a language partner back in the day so don't fear being set up.)

Good luck,

Simon:)