praise?

[Scoobyqueen]

PRAISE?

[Senzhi]

Social politeness. Chinese people do not tend to speak with negative words and like to keep harmony.

So, in general, (self)criticism is a no go. Neither will you easily encounter constructive feedback. At the most, it'll be some kind of encouragement to perform better.

[kdavid]

There's also a big "giving face" factor involved.

By encouraging and publicly praising one's ability, whether it be language skills, work ethic, etc, you're giving one face, and therefore receiving it in return.

[BrandeX]

In other words, they are preparing for the future when they may want something from you.

[rezaf]

just say "nali nali" and let it pass

[HashiriKata]

Unnecessary things can be good social lubricants. Where I live, people keep telling me how dreadful the weather is, as if I don't already know. Being such a gentleman as I am ((sh)), I return the favour by telling them exactly the same thing!

By the way, it seems that we've got a few of "Why do Chinese do this, do that, etc" these days. Do we seriously think Chinese people are not human like us and that they shouldn't praise, shouldn't be curious, shouldn't misbehave, shouldn't date, etc. ?

Edited September 11, 2008 at 09:42 AM by HashiriKata

[Xiao Kui]

I noticed that peers often give praise or clap to encourage each other, but what I hear from many Chinese friends is that parents give praise less easily. This makes me wonder if in a subconscious way the peer praise makes up for a less affirmative family/home environment.

What someone told me is that back in the day, Chinese people thought if you said your child was intelligent or beautiful a demon would overhear you and kill the child with sickness or other disaster. They also called their kids by animal names such as rabbit or dog for the same reason, so demons would think they had a pet rather than a child and leave it alone. So people told their kids they were ugly or stupid because they were superstitious, but this later on fit into a competitive society where they didn't want kids to stop improving or rest on their laurels so they told them they did poorly or weren't good enough even when they got pretty good grades, etc.

I had the same experience with 2 Chinese bosses at 2 separate positions who criticized my performance relentlessly while I worked with them, until I eventually felt the job wasn't working out for either of us and wanted to leave, when I wanted to leave, both of them implored me to stay, claiming I was the best employee who ever worked for them, and why would i want to leave when I was doing such a great job. During the course of these jobs I received a lot of criticism and so little affirmation or encouragement that I was shocked when they told me this.

Maybe there's a Chinese forum member who can either confirm or refute my theories or add insight into these observations.

[johnmck]

Why do Americans give out certificates just for turning up for a training?

Answer: It makes people fell good, even though everyone knows it is a meaningless gesture. Saying that it is a cultural thing. I worked for an American company here in France who did just that and it was not taken very well, most people found it insulting but understood that the Americans meant well.

[Lu]

Criticism is mostly a no-go, but self-criticism is really big. You're supposed to answer every compliment with a No, not at all, I'm stupid and clumsy and my Chinese is very bad.

[wushijiao]

I’ve always viewed it as basically politeness and face, mixed in with genuine shock at hearing foreigners speak Chinese, which hasn’t traditionally been a thing people have experienced.

However, I noticed recently (and my American friend who has lived in China since 2003 noticed this as well), that there’s been a subtle shift recently. When I went to Beijing in May of this year, I talked with many people who didn’t seem to notice or comment on my Chinese. If that is true, then I think it points to the fact that Chinese give praise because of the newness of the phenomenon of hearing Chinese come out of a foreigner, but that newness has started to wear off for Chinese people in major cities, just as it's not shocking to hear a foreigner speak English in London, or wherever.

[Senzhi]

self-criticism is really big. You're supposed to answer every compliment with a No, not at all, I'm stupid and clumsy and my Chinese is very bad.

Wouldn't that be more out of cultural politeness, rather than genuine self-criticism?

[imron]

However, I noticed recently (and my American friend who has lived in China since 2003 noticed this as well), that there’s been a subtle shift recently.

I've not noticed it's something that comes up every time I speak to someone I don't know.

[Lu]

Wouldn't that be more out of cultural politeness, rather than genuine self-criticism?

Sure, but I think that a lot of the praising is also cultural politeness.

[carlo]

I've been reading a collection of aphorisms called 菜根谭, from the Ming Dynasty, a classic of Zen buddhism ("Saikontan" in Japanese). Think of it as a crash course in "speaking like a fortune cookie", but in a meaningful way. Heartily recommended.

The very first line deals with the need to hide one's own true strengths in public: "君子之心事， 天青日白，不可使人不知。君子之才华，玉韫珠藏，不可使人易知。" A good man ought to be honest with his feelings, but hide his talents as if they were jewels. The modern commentators go to some lengths to explain that this way of thinking originates from the social environment of Ancient China, specifically the fact that those generals and advisors of kings who outshined their masters did not usually survive the act. So you get all these great martial heroes in Wuxia novels etc. who, like the characters in Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle, live the most unremarkable lives until something really nasty happens. 真人不露相.

Still whenever people praise me too much, I cannot help wondering. The disguise is not working? Have I been caught out? What is going to be next?

I think it was Lu Xun who described the scene of the Indian philosopher Tagore meeting some Chinese students back in the days. His Chinese friends put him (literally) on a pedestal, started burning incense and chanted some mumbo jumbo about the "holy saint" being among them. Tagore protested that he was only a human being, a British subject at that, but to no use. Then the students, writes Lu Xun, left in disgust. Humans and saints are not made to speak with each other, after all. Too much praise creates an invisible glass wall between the object being praised and everybody else. Then he compares 骂杀 to 捧杀, noting how both achieve the same end result but the latter is much more elegant.

Of course the kind of praise you are likely to get is probably well meant. Still, never, ever take it seriously, or it *will* get to you in the end.

[skylee]

i like hashirigata and carlo's posts.

[heifeng]

umm...b/c you are probably going to need to be buttered up for some reason or another in the future, so why not start now?

Why do Americans give out certificates just for turning up for a training?

I dunno, so you can list the certificate on your employee record prior to year end reviews and make a big fuss over it? Just showing up at (mandatory) training is half the battle...actually paying attention is sometimes worth a certificate to decorate your cubicle with...

[Yang Rui]

Anyone bored of analyzing the behaviour of Chinese people and making generalizations may be interested in this site:

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

[mythia]

There're a lot of things done in a different way both at government level and public level in China, and it's called Chineseness. You will find it easier to do as the Chinamen do.

On an exactly contrary side, when I was a Chinese in Britain, I was like so could not resist to say "oh no", "not at all", "not really" etc. when people gave me praises. Needless to say, it left an embarrassing silence everytime, and I would then regret saying no before I could think!

[HashiriKata]

I was a Chinese in Britain, I was like so could not resist to say "oh no", "not at all", "not really" etc. when people gave me praises. Needless to say, it left an embarrassing silence everytime

You're not doing too badly there, mythia! If anyone praises me nowadays, I tend to automatically respond with a "nali, nali!" and everyone here (UK) seems to think I've gone nuts!

[zozzen]

I noticed that peers often give praise or clap to encourage each other, but what I hear from many Chinese friends is that parents give praise less easily. This makes me wonder if in a subconscious way the peer praise makes up for a less affirmative family/home environment.

yes, over-praise is more or less a condom for strangers. You don't know them well, so 礼多人不怪.