Married to a Chinese in the U.S.?

[beirne]

My Chinese girlfriend was curious to know if there are any couples outside of China out there where one spouse is non-Chinese and the other is Chinese. Has the non-Chinese spouse picked up the language, and how well?

[Claw]

Of course... it's very common now. 3 of my cousins (who are Chinese) are married to people of non-Chinese descent. They don't really speak the language, but they can sometimes pick up stuff while listening.

I've also seen other couples where the non-Chinese spouse can speak perfectly fluent Chinese.

[Yuchi]

My mother's friend is taiwanese, she's married to an american, and has had a child who is in college. All he remembers is "ni hao" lol after like 20+ years of marriage ;)

[Guest Yau]

My uncle's wife is a canadian. She can't speak chinese, but she can imitate the chinese pronounciation much better than her son.

Well, my aunt's husband is a belgian. He can't speak any chinese, and even worst, my aunt can also speak a wierd chinese that requires maximum patient and guesswork to understand it.

[bhchao]

I think Chinese ladies are more inclined than the men to marry Caucasians. In Los Angeles where I live, I see a lot of Chinese women with Caucasian husbands/dates, but rarely see Chinese men dating Caucasian women. But of course LA is only a small sample of the population. There could be other areas where the reverse is true.

At a restaurant one night, I heard someone speaking fluent Mandarin to his girlfriend at a table nearby. I thought this was just any Chinese couple, but when I turned around and looked, "Huh, this guy's American!"

[Guest Yau]

i've heard that in vietnam, a local women, if accompanied by a white, will possibly be treated as a ..............hmm, anything bad.

Seems that the perception is rather common in southeast. What about in china?

[ala]

i've heard that in vietnam' date=' a local women, if accompanied by a white, will possibly be treated as a ..............hmm, anything bad.

Seems that the perception is rather common in southeast. What about in china?[/quote']

it's not a problem in Shanghai nor Hangzhou.

[beijingbooty]

I am married to a chinese woman from beijing.

I think the reason why there are so few "chinese male - euro female" relationships, is that chinese males are not physically attractive to euro women.

Whereas, vice versa for chinese women being very attractive to euro males.

Asian physical features are more feminine than euro features, and this also includes asian males. eg. lack of body hair, smaller stature, less macho overall.

This explains why asian men are not overly attractive to euro women , but asian women are very attractive to euro males.

[ala]

what a load of BS

[Claw]

what a load of BS

Believe it or not, white-male-asian-female marriages are far more prevalent than asian-male-white-female marriages for some reason or another, at least in the U.S. This article in Scientific American says the following:

Marriages between black males and white females are far more common than marriages between white males and black females. The opposite is true for Asian-white unions.

...and if you look at the chart in this article, you'll see the percentage where the female is asian is double the percentage where the male is asian. The article is from 1999, but I've read somewhere else (unfortunately I can't find the link to it) that the ratio is now triple.

[Meng Lelan]

I'm a European-American female and don't really agree with this statement. In fact some of the Chinese guys I know are a lot more attractive and more cool than European-American guys

I think the reason why there are so few "chinese male - euro female" relationships, is that chinese males are not physically attractive to euro women.

Whereas, vice versa for chinese women being very attractive to euro males.

Asian physical features are more feminine than euro features, and this also includes asian males. eg. lack of body hair, smaller stature, less macho overall.

This explains why asian men are not overly attractive to euro women , but asian women are very attractive to euro males.

[sfr@rcn.com]

This all sounds so familiar. I'm an American Jew. Most of my high school and college friends and I believed that Jewish men were unattractive--too small, not athletic, incapable of being sexy, etc. And Jewish men believed that Jewish women were too princessy, too demanding (and often too smart) to be sexy. (This was during the Fifties. Things have changed, I think, but I don't know how much. During high school I had a Chinese boyfriend and then later a Japanese boyfriend. I've always thought Asian men were extremely attractive.

Also, at least for Jews, it's easier to marry an Asian than a European or Middle Easterner. Christianity is relatively rare in Japan and China, so there is no religious conflict.

My guess is that the explanation about Asian-Euro marriages is both a lot more complicated and a lot simpler. Since I have to log off soon, I'll just throw out a few totally disorganized and disjointed suggestions.

I'm guessing that birth order has a place in these sorts of decisions for Chinese men. My former son-in-law (from Nanjing) is the youngest of three boys and had no problem with marrying my gorgeous, smart blond daughter and moving to the U.S. His eldest brother has always been the model responsible son.

Chinese daughters, on the other hand, are expected to marry out. In some ways, they were banished. With traditional attitudes like this, it might be easier for Asian women to marry foreigners and even move away.

Also, I suspect that Asian men who consider themselves successful are more likely to approach foreign women.

And, now here's one that should irritate a lot of you, it's possible that people of any sex (and any sexist culture) find it more acceptable for a woman to be at a loss in a new country (e.g. Chinese woman, American Waiguo nan ren) than a male.

Sandra

[calibre2001]

Its the media who always potray Asian men as unsexy and all whilst glorifying White male-Asian female relationships. Check out Asian American discussion forums. This topic is heavily debated there.

[sunyata]

And' date=' now here's one that should irritate a lot of you, it's possible that people of any sex (and any sexist culture) find it more acceptable for a woman to be at a loss in a new country (e.g. Chinese woman, American Waiguo nan ren) than a male.

[/quote']

Sorry, Sandra, but what were you trying to say?? I am a bit confused...

As for Beijingbooty's remark - it sounds like the stereotypical white guy's explanation of this phenomenon...I mean, I agree with him on some points, especially the one about Chinese women being more feminine. This is all relative though.

I've got a much better explanation for the whole thing, since we are primarily talking about American couples...i.e. white american males dating Chinese or Chinese-american females. The reason for this is that the large majority of white and black american females are ugly as hell. No offence, but the number of good-looking nice girls in the states is really small. Additionally, although there are some beautiful girls, they either have horrible personalities or simply don't know how to present themselves well. They don't know how to act truly feminine. Their concept of femininity is composed of grinding at clubs with random guys and one-night-stands... I blame the equal rights movement for this...

How do you like my theory?

[sunyata]

calibre > Yes, I've heard several Asian-american males tell me the same thing. It's not only the portrayal of Asian men as unsexy, but the general lack of Asian men on american television, especially when compared to the presence of asian women...

Now, of course there is William Hung, which totally proves your point

[sfr@rcn.com]

OK, I shouldn't have waded into this male wet dream. Enjoy yourselves, guys.

[beijingbooty]

ouch , I guess I wasnt wearing my "politically correct" hat when I made those comments.

So who can actually give me some real reasons why there are thousands upon thousands of EURO male - ASIAN female relationships but extrememly few ASIAN male - EURO female relationships.

And dont give me all that crap about culture not allowing it etc. etc.

[Disenchant]

There's more White-Male/Asian-Female combinations, because Western countries are generally a lot more affluent. It's clinically proven most women do not prioritize looks as number one. There's more Black-Male/White-Female combinations because black guys have bigger.

[sunyata]

ouch ' date=' I guess I wasnt wearing my "politically correct" hat when I made those comments.

So who can actually give me some real reasons why there are thousands upon thousands of EURO male - ASIAN female relationships but extrememly few ASIAN male - EURO female relationships.

And dont give me all that crap about culture not allowing it etc. etc.

[/quote']

I think the primary reasons for asians dating white guys are mostly practical in their nature.

When we are talking about Asian women from abroad who marry or try to marry foreigners, often times the reasons are quite obvious - find a rich foreign man (all white guys are rich) who will rescue you from your conditions and bring you along with him to live in the "first world"...

When we are talking about Asian-american women dating white guys - there are more possiblities. They may be encouraged by their parents to do so (this is not so frequent, but does happen). Additionally, some Asian-americans have insecurieties about their identity. They might have been born and raised in the US in a primarily "white" environment, but everyone still looks at them as "Asian", not "american". Sometimes, this results in them trying to prove their american identity by rejecting asian culture and associating themselves with non-asian americans. In other words, they just try to fit in and be "normal." This may not be the case in CA and NY, but in a lot of other states (where Asians are still a minority), it is so. What else? It seems a lot of American guys have an Asian fetish, which results in Asian girls becoming a hot commodity. So, often a mediocre-looking asian girl who may not even appear attractive to Asian men appears "hot" to white "Euro" guys, as you call them...

[Disenchant]

Yeah, what sunyata said. The inferiority complex.