My composition, help me please.

[galitonwu]

Thank everyone who helped me to modify my composition several days ago. Here is my new one.

I Am Not a Modern Person

I am not a modern person. When some people made their hair green and blue, I was still keeping the black hair what was giving by my parents. When someone's hobby moved to Hip-Hop, I still listened 'Yesterday once more' and 'lemon tree'. When young men have more and more flesh thing to do, I am still the man like ever.

Modern will give you a fresh feeling what you have not experienced. But it keep on very short time, half a year, three months, two weeks even servel hours, then you will give up it. Because it is mot more modern to you after a period.

I am not a modern person. I can insist of playing badminton five years every saturday night. It helps me to decrease the weight of my body.

I am not a modern person. I used a two-hand mobil phone three years. The function of it are calling and sending short messages for me. That is enough to me to use old mobil. I have not any reasons to buy a new one.

Modernism is a falling star, it shows its body short time for us. Traditionism is a fixed star, it keeps its sunshine all day and all night. I wish that is my life.

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[Adam]

Hi glaition,

let me just point out a few errors.. Im sure someone else can help with the rest

It helps me to decrease the weight of my body. helps me to lose weight, and keep fit.

I used a two-hand mobil phone three years. I have used a second-hand mobile phone for the past three years

I have not any reasons to buy a new one. I have no reason to buy a new one.

There are a few more things you should consider changing, if i have time later i'll help - but im in the middle of exams atm..! goodluck anyway your doing quite well.

[xuechengfeng]

I Am Not a Modern Person

I am not a modern person. When some people made their hair green and blue, I was still keeping the black hair which was given by my parents. When someone's hobby moved to Hip-Hop, I still listened to 'Yesterday Once More' and 'Lemon Tree.' When young men have more and more flesh thing to do, I am still the man like ever. I don't understand this sentence

Modern will give you a fresh feeling which you have not experienced. You can't use but in this fashion to start sentence It keeps on a very short time: half a year, three months, two weeks even several hours; then you will give it up because it is more modern to you after a period. sentence isn't very clear

I am not a modern person. I can insist on playing badminton five hours every saturday night. It helps me to decrease the weight of my body.

I am not a modern person. I have used a two-handed mobile phone for three years. The functions of it are calling and sending short messages for me. That is enough for me to use my old mobile. I do not have any reasons to buy a new one.

Modernism is a falling star, it shows its body a short time to us. Traditionalism is a fixed star, it keeps its sunshine all day and all night. I wish that to be my life.

Any questions, ask me

[xuechengfeng]

Well, a short note..

I'm not sure whether it was just a one-time mistake or what, but when you use quotations "xxxxxxxxxxx"

and you end the sentence with the quotations at the end of the sentence, the period goes inside the quotations, for example..

My favorite piece of modern Chinese literature is by Yu Dafu, and is entitled, "Sinking."

[galitonwu]

Thank you for your help, xuechengfeng and Adam.

Though my two composition, I find my main problems are:

grammar and "固定搭配".

Maybe reading more and more article is a good way to solve the last problem.

Then deal with the grammar, I will bring a grammar book when I write composition.

Do you think so?