Friend to Boy Friend Progression?

[Eagle]

Hi

I am a UK guy and have been out a few times with a Chinese girl that I like. We get on well and enjoy each others company eg Dinner, lunch, movie.

While she appears to enjoy my company and says she can relax etc while with me, at the moment she still refers to me as a "friend" as opposed to "boy friend"

Clearly, it would appear that becoming a "boy friend" is a big step esp in relation to her Chinese friends finding out. Is there a natural progression from being a "friend" to "boy friend".........and will I recognise the signs

We have only known each other for 2 weeks. I am still a bit unsure of some of the cultural differences, but I am trying to learn. Hense joining this useful Forum.

Sorry for sounding stupid, but I dont want to offend her and would appreciate some advise.

Cheers

[gougou]

Get some pointers in these threads:

Relations between boys and girls

Chinese Dating Question

How do I tell a Chinese girl that I like her?

advice: I like a Chinese guy

And that's just the first few I found, believe it or not you're not the only one asking this... Of those threads, make sure to check out the last one (never mind that it says it's about guys).

[trevelyan]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. At risk of delving into stereotypes, once a Chinese girl decides you are her "boyfriend" there is a lot of cultural baggage that will govern her expectations of your behavior. You're better off not pushing her into formalizing the way she thinks about her relationship with you and just letting it evolve naturally.

[simonlaing]

Yeah I like the evolving naturally way.

Often you can test the waters by suggesting activities. Some which have Boyfriend girlfriend connotations like going to the movies or others that are just friends, i.e. playing badminton with 6 other friends.

By letting her choose which one you can see where things are headed. It will let her know you like her, while saying it's ok if you want to just stay friends too.

Good luck,

Simon:)

[adrianlondon]

We have only known each other for 2 weeks

The issue isn't that she's Chinese, it's that she's obviously more mature about this than you are ;) Don't need to think the "she's foreign, must be something strange about her behaviour" thing; it's natural not to declare yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend when you've only known someone a few days.

[Eagle]

Hello

A big thank you to everyone that has replied

A lot of very useful info and advice.

Cheers

[NX0398]

trevelyan is right when he said "once a Chinese girl decides you are her "boyfriend" there is a lot of cultural baggage that will govern her expectations of your behavior." In my case my xGF began to expect a lot more of me even before we reached that official boy/girlfriend mark. For me that baggage included interrogations about my career goals on a monthly basis in addition to the requirement that I know when and what was wrong with her as well as to also know exactly what to do to cheer her up. My experience tells me that you have to by hypersensitive to her cues. This is before you reach that boyfriend mark. You need to ask as many probing questions about her as possible and WRITE DOWN her responses. It will save your ass in the long run. Just don't let her find your notes, probably would be a bad idea. Have fun and enjoy the normal development of your relationship with her but also study whenever you can. Find out what her past relationships were like. Why they worked, why they failed. Find out what makes her happy and what she does/needs when she is sad. Basically your relationship right now is much to young to worry about if you are her boyfriend. It took me a year to reach that point. Start out doing as much as you can for her and ask for nothing in return. Be strong and shake yourself off when she hurts you. Your friendship is like a semester before the final. Becoming her boyfriend is the final and will require a complete understanding of your past with her as well as a complete understanding of her.

hope this helps and best of luck to you

[potato]

"For me that baggage included interrogations about my career goals on a monthly basis in addition to the requirement that I know when and what was wrong with her as well as to also know exactly what to do to cheer her up. My experience tells me that you have to by hypersensitive to her cues. This is before you reach that boyfriend mark. You need to ask as many probing questions about her as possible and WRITE DOWN her responses. It will save your ass in the long run."

Sorry but this is utter tripe, don't even think about manically writing down a loved one's responses, couples who can feasibly be together long term are able to forgive each other, and throughout their relationship talk to one another regularly without having what is mentioned above.

Regular interrogations, which appear from the poster to be suggestive of him having communicaiton issues with that particular partner, should really not be expected or tolerated. As is the usual case with problems, don't let them go on. Have a good plan for your immediate future, a looser long term plan, and most importantly - even if there are no perceived issues - ensure talking happens, or at least is regularly possible, to ensure you are both matter-of-fact and straight with each other.

[NX0398]

potato, great points. I was being a bit figurative in my advice though. You're very right though, because of the nature of Chinese / Western relationships communication issues will be much more pronounced. It's about being attentive and keeping the communication up.

[Scoobyqueen]

From what I can understand you havent kissed yet so I cant see how you could be a boyfriend/girlfriend relationsship. for that stage you need to have been physically intimate more than you would be with a friend.

[potato]

"From what I can understand you havent kissed yet so I cant see how you could be a boyfriend/girlfriend relationsship. for that stage you need to have been physically intimate more than you would be with a friend."

If you're really going to start holding hands, you don't want a random pregnancy. Use protection, such as gloves. Mittens are also acceptable. Kittens are not. Probably.