imron Posted February 21, 2009 at 07:30 AM Report Posted February 21, 2009 at 07:30 AM Lets just hope no-one on Tianya reads that post then. Quote
xuefang Posted February 22, 2009 at 08:35 PM Author Report Posted February 22, 2009 at 08:35 PM Okey, I just got back visiting the parents! What a weekend! We get there late on friday evening. Father hadn't said to mother that we are coming and she found it out just when we were on the way. At the evening I watched lots of photos from their previous trip and changes few words with the father. On Saturday when I said good morning to mother, she seemed little angry. She was still nice and helped me make some tea and told me to eat breakfast. After that I listened the father. He said he doesn't say no, and doesn't say yes to our relationship. He told what he thinks and how he is afreaid of my and my BF breaking up in the future. He also told that if I'm 100% certain I wan't to be with my BF then I'll have to learn how to be more like a Chinese wife. And I have to learn Cantonese and be ready for anything. On Saturday we also had dinner and it went okey. Later we watched some Chinese tv-drama. On Sunday the mother seemed more relaxed. I didn't speak much with her because she doesn't speak so much my language. But I try to say something and even she didn't let me help I insist on helping. I washed dishes and sweaped the floor etc. All in all it was pretty stressed weekend but still really great. I hope the mother won't be too angry. My BF said that it is important to make the father agree with our relationship and the mother will come along. Quote
Lu Posted February 22, 2009 at 09:39 PM Report Posted February 22, 2009 at 09:39 PM Thanks for coming back to tell how it went! Sounds like that went fairly well, at least they don't disapprove and are willing to get used to the idea to have you for a daughter-in-law. I wish you all the best for the future! Quote
imron Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:34 AM Report Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:34 AM If it makes you feel any better, relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law (婆媳关系) in Chinese culture are notorious for being difficult, so I wouldn't worry so much if she's not initially accepting of you. It'd probably be the same with anyone Quote
BrandeX Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:35 AM Report Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:35 AM He also told that if I'm 100% certain I wan't to be with my BF then I'll have to learn how to be more like a Chinese wife. And I have to learn Cantonese and be ready for anything. If they mention that again, the appropriate reply is something that sounds like "mmm-tak!" It sometimes takes people years to learn to "just be yourself", I think that's who the best person to be is. Quote
roddy Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:48 AM Report Posted February 23, 2009 at 11:48 AM Father hadn't said to mother that we are coming and she found it out just when we were on the way. Sounds like they might want to put their own house in order first. Glad it wasn't too much of a nightmare. Quote
gato Posted February 23, 2009 at 02:54 PM Report Posted February 23, 2009 at 02:54 PM All of you, including your boyfriend's parents, live in Finland, right? If so, just be yourself, like BrandeX said. It's they who have to learn to be Finnish. Quote
Lu Posted February 25, 2009 at 12:30 PM Report Posted February 25, 2009 at 12:30 PM I agree that since they live in Finland, the parents-in-law should integrate a bit and become more Finnish. But that is not the issue at hand, they have their lives and they can choose how much and what kind of mafan they want to go through. Thing is, if Xuefang wants to be their daughter-in-law, they get to set the rules, and while there is no need for her to become their idea of what a Chinese wife should be (if Xuefang were Chinese they'd probably tell her to change too, just in different words), it might be a good idea for her to try to act the part when they are around. Father hadn't said to mother that we are coming and she found it out just when we were on the way.Actually I've had this happen too. Went to stay with a friend to his house further south, he put me in his daughter's room. Daughter came home from school and only then learned that 1) I came to visit 2) I was staying in her room. She was not happy, to say the least. He didn't see why it would be a problem. Quote
gato Posted February 25, 2009 at 02:42 PM Report Posted February 25, 2009 at 02:42 PM I suspect that they aren't too many Chinese immigrants in Finland. (A Caucasian American friend is married to a Finn and lived in Helsinki for a few years. He said that he felt out of place because it was so uniformly white, so I'm that there aren't too many Chinese in Finland.) If that's the case and his parents insist on a Chinese daughter-in-law, there would have to wait a long time.... Quote
ipsi() Posted February 26, 2009 at 06:20 AM Report Posted February 26, 2009 at 06:20 AM Lu: How old was the daughter? Could have been a hint... Quote
imron Posted February 26, 2009 at 07:58 AM Report Posted February 26, 2009 at 07:58 AM Could have been a hint...Haha, probably not.@Lu, well you did say you liked the confusion. Quote
Lu Posted February 26, 2009 at 01:56 PM Report Posted February 26, 2009 at 01:56 PM @imron: haha, now ipsi's confusion had me confused. And ipsi, she was twelve, you don't even want to think in that direction. Quote
heifeng Posted February 26, 2009 at 04:43 PM Report Posted February 26, 2009 at 04:43 PM Actually, I wonder if they were planning on introducing him to someone or something. I mean what else is the guy to do when Finland's Chinese female population: your mom.... They'll warm up to you. Otherwise he should just threaten to be a bachelor for life and never give them grandchildren... Quote
xuefang Posted April 25, 2009 at 06:51 PM Author Report Posted April 25, 2009 at 06:51 PM Hello everyone! I have some good news. A week ago the parents came to our hometown and we saw then at the aunt's home. It was a nice family dinner and even my BF's mom talked to me! When we left my BF said: "It's good that my mom have started talking to you. Everyone treated you as one of us." I felt so happy! And the next day we visited them shortly but few hours after I went to the aunt's home again. My BF's father had said that if i dont have anything to do, i could come over. So i did. It was a plan that my BF would join us after couple of hours but he was so busy so he couldn't. So i spend a evening alone with his relatives! There were BF's parents, his sister; aunt, uncle and their son; cousin and his wife; and family friend with his wife and two kids. It really was an interesting evening! I brought with me blueberry pie that i had made and at least they try it and say it was good. I really do hope that this is just a beginning. I have to learn cantonese (actually a Guangzhou dialect, that is different from cantonese) so it would be more easily to fit in. Just wanted to share this with you Quote
peekay Posted April 25, 2009 at 07:42 PM Report Posted April 25, 2009 at 07:42 PM wow xuefang that's great! Quote
anonymoose Posted April 26, 2009 at 05:06 AM Report Posted April 26, 2009 at 05:06 AM Onnittelut! 恭喜 恭喜 Quote
Meng Lelan Posted April 26, 2009 at 05:11 AM Report Posted April 26, 2009 at 05:11 AM That is absolutely wonderful. I am sure you will learn the Guangzhou dialect very soon and very well. Quote
Lu Posted April 27, 2009 at 08:48 PM Report Posted April 27, 2009 at 08:48 PM That's great to hear, and thanks for coming back to let us know! Good luck on learning the dialect, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. Quote
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