been in China for so long- should I stay?

[muyongshi]

sorry for the question but what is IIRC? I have a bad memory for 简称's.

*awkward silence

[imron]

If I Recall Correctly

[muyongshi]

awwww....

*more awkward silence

[abcdefg]

It may not be a China issue per se. It may be a stage of life issue instead. The exhilarating sense of freedom that comes from being a lone wanderer versus the sense of connectedness and stability that comes from settling down. An emotional tug of war often results from weighty issues that must be sorted out. It's a natural stage in development and growth.

Sorry to sound like Obe Wan Kenobi, but you asked an existential question and it merits an existential reply. Hope you find a workable solution that fits your personal needs.

Edited June 3, 2009 at 04:31 PM by abcdefg
add thoughts

[Lu]

I mostly agree with this:

You are a wanderer, alright, but don't you know wanderers are always lonely So I 'd say this is precisely where you've done wrong: your frequent change of scene may have actually given you a feeling of insecurity and you start to lose direction.

If you still feel like you want more of China but aren't sure which way to go, my advice is to slow down, take a deep breath and: try to remember which place you've felt most comfortable in, then go back there, look up some old friends and try to settle down for a while. This may give you a different kind of feeling: a feeling of security and belonging. Then, perhaps, you may find whatever it is you've been looking for

I haven't been abroad nearly as long as some people here, longest was a year and a half in Taiwan, but it seems to me that to live in China, you need to really want to be there, or the difficult things will get you down. For me, I went to Taiwan for reasons I never really figured out, that can only be summarized to: because I wanted to live there, and I left for slightly less tangled-up reasons, but mostly because it was just time to go. I was done there.

You're the only one who can answer your question, it might help to make a list of pros and cons, or to think of what your options are, both at home, in China, or elsewhere abroad, and see what would suit you. It's also always a good idea to talk to real people about this, both people who can listen well and people who know you well.

Whereever you go, I wish you all the best!

[sirenbear]

I've made a decision- I am going to buy a one-way ticket home this summer, in about one week. I will stay there for the summer at least, looking for jobs, and seeing how it feels. There is always the option of returning to China but for now, it is time to go home. I've thought about it, made a list of pros and cons, etc.

It's pretty hard, being a single woman in China. At a certain point, you want to "settle down", if only for a while. Settling down doesn't have to mean marriage (and it doesn't for me); it just means being surrounded by family and old friends in the town where I grew up. I think I need that now, especially in light of some disappointing experiences I've had here.

thanks to all of you for your input. Feel free to keep this topic alive; I am still interested in reading about it.

[abcdefg]

Best wishes. I hope things work out for you.

[Scoobyqueen]

It's pretty hard, being a single woman in China.

I didnt realise you were female. I would have offered additional comments on things to consider:wink:

However, it is good that you have chosen a different scenery. I think you may find it difficult to settle at home though since that may have been one of the reasons for moving around so much/for so long (if I am to use my own experiences as yardstick).

[sirenbear]

thanks Scoobyqueen. I am probably not looking to "settle" long-term. I just need a break and would rather be around family to have that break. From there, I will figure out my next step, which may mean coming back to China, and may not.

[wannabeafreak]

I'm impressed.... the longest I stayed in *China* was for 3 weeks, and after the first day I knew it wasn't my cup of tea. Just wanted to go back home everyday and couldn't wait to leave.

[Music&MeForever]

Best wishes. I hope things work out for you.

The same from me ：

Wish you a good time at home and all the best for the future!

[Lu]

Best wishes from me too! The things you mention were pretty much the factors that made me leave Taiwan.

[Meng Lelan]

scoobyqueen,

I didnt realise you were female.

I can't blame you for thinking that about sirenbear, the majority of folks here in this forum are male, I think.

abcdeg, maybe you should set up your avatar as Obi Wan Kenobe. I had almost forgotten about his sage-like utterances until I read your post. Laughed my head off for some while.

sirenbear, where is home for you, in the States or Europe or Australia or what?

[Scoobyqueen]

the majority of folks here in this forum are male, I think

I get that feeling too. if so that seems strange. I always thought there were more females studying languages judging by the ration at uni (western European languages). Is that the case for Chinese too?

[Meng Lelan]

You're in Europe, I think maybe in Europe more females are studying foreign languages? Here in the States I've got more males in my Chinese classes than females. In fact I've only had one female in my class last semester. And when I get on this forum I usually assume everyone here is male unless I see the avatar has something feminine (like my wushu girl avatar). I've known sirenbear from the other threads so that's why I knew she's female too.

[Lu]

There's a thread on this somewhere with a poll, and with speculations about the reasons.

Meng Lelan, those are wushu girls? I never realised. First I always thought it was something like a tiger, finally I took a closer look and saw it was people doing wushu, but I still missed the girl part :-)

[imron]

The poll is here. Currently it's 75%-25% in favour of males.

[Meng Lelan]

Tiger? People? The avatar is supposed to be a wushu girl with a sword in a field of flowers. Ah, maybe I should change my avatar to something else.

[imron]

It always seemed obvious to me... but given my avatar I'm probably biased

[Meng Lelan]

Oh is that you in the avatar? Doing wushu I presume?