non-Chinese speaking partners

[tooironic]

How's this for a topic question: anyone here who DOESN'T have a Chinese-speaking partner/boyfriend/girlfriend?

I've tried to teach my partner of two years some Chinese but all he can remember is 爱你 and 兔子 (his nickname for me lol).

[sunyata]

well...no offense, but either you are a horrible teacher or your partner is mentally challenged (sh)

[Lu]

Or just not interested.

[Shadowdh]

I'm with Lu on this... my wife (7 years married, 10 together) is just not interested in learning the language... this despite being to China and liking it a lot... she does (or did, not so much anymore) speak Japanese...

[tooironic]

And the most unhelpful and irrelevant comment of the year goes to... sunyata! Congratulations.

Lu, you are right, he is just not interested in languages in general. The reason I posted about this is because I'm curious if other people have had this kind of experience before, i.e. what kinds of views does your non-Chinese speaking partner have about your learning a foreign language?

[Shadowdh]

Oh the views of my wife... well she is awesomely supportive and hopeful that it will lead to a good career... while she has no interest in learning Chinese she understands that I do so was ok with me going to China to further my studies... no mean feat when we have two kids and the logistics proved to be very problematic in the end... however she does at times wish I would not spend so much time studying (although not a problem of late as I have been slacking on the study to take care of the many, many domestic duties (DIY etc) that took a back seat during exams)...

Agreed on the award...!!

[Music&MeForever]

well...no offense, but either you are a horrible teacher or your partner is mentally challenged

This isn't fair. Perhaps he just lacks basic talent for languages.

百分之百反对！

Anyway, from my experience Chinese hubbies/wives will almost certainly learn the language of his/her partner in no time at all, in a native environment. It happens all the time. How's that?

[jbradfor]

My situation is slightly different, but slightly similar. My wife is a native Cantonese speaker. In our many years of being together, I have learned at most 20-30 words in Cantonese. It annoys her that I don't show more interest, but learning Mandarin is enough for me, and I don't have much interest in learning Cantonese too. She, one the flip side, doesn't have much interest in learning Mandarin.

Learning a language to the point of it actually being useful is a HUGE time commitment. I can certainly understand it not being a high enough priority for someone.

[sunyata]

allright, sorry for taunting the poor bunny...

I suppose what I really meant was -- if you honestly wanted to teach him, you certainly could. The question is: is that important to you? In my case, I would have a hard time living with someone who lacks interest in and understanding of Chinese language/culture. So, if you are really into Chinese and your partner is not, it may not be very stimulating to be together at times, unless you have a multitude of other shared interests you both are passionate about.

[jbradfor]

sunyata, it depends on whether you consider Chinese language/culture to be a hobby or a lifestyle.

Right now Chinese language is a hobby for me. I don't expect my wife to necessarily take an interest in my hobbies (and I don't necessarily take an interest in hers).

The fact that you're in Beijing right now makes me think Chinese is a lifestyle for you. So of course you need someone that shares your lifestyle.

[sunyata]

Hmm, this is beginning to sound like a discussion on the bonds of marriage...Don't mind if I do.

Yes, I expect my wife to have things in common with me, otherwise I frankly don't see a point. Linguistic and cultural makeup is a big part of this. In your case, Chinese is a hobby, but for your wife - it's probably a large chunk of her personality.

What I can't help but wonder is: did you pick up your 'hobby' before or after meeting your wife?

[renzhe]

Things in common, yeah.

But you can't expect your partner to have all the exact same interests as you. There most likely isn't a single person on the entire planet who shares ALL my interests.

And if I expected my partner to speak all the languages I speak, I'd be alone forever. It's quite a weird mixture.

[sunyata]

lol, not all...but at least ONE common language is required. Preferrably, your strongest one, wouldn't you agree?

[renzhe]

Of course, you probably want to communicate in some language if you are hoping for a good relationship. I can communicate with my girlfriend in three, so it's not an issue.

I'm pretty sure that tooironic can communicate with the partner in at least one language.

[sunyata]

it's not just about communicating, it's about communicating effectively and almost hypnotically, where you are able to elicit a variety of feelings and psychological states in one another. mundane communication is overrated.

[Shelley]

Hello all,

This is my first post. i have been reading the forum but not joined till now. I have been learning Chinese (mandarin) for about 20 years now. I have had private lessons, university evening classes and mostly self taught. My partner has backed me all the way and is amazed at the fact that i can make sense of chinese characters. I think he appreciates the work that goes in to it. He is interested but not enough to learn. We are both English. He has helped me with installing chinese learning software and hardware (tablet for writing chinese characters) I don't think it matters if they join in or not as long as they don't get in the way8). Well you will probably hear from again Shelley

[tooironic]

I suppose what I really meant was -- if you honestly wanted to teach him, you certainly could.

Lol. I think the better question is: is he willing to learn? And he just ain't. He doesn't have a flair for languages at all really (like most people if you think about it - in my location us language nerds are a dying breed). That being said he does put up with my obsession and we still have lots of debates about language and translation studies on a general level.

Sorry, I guess I should have been more specific. We are both men; we are also both native speakers of English. We share common interests in music, films, art, books, philosophy, etc, etc, so it's not as if we lack anything to talk about. If that were the case we wouldn't have stayed together so long. ;)

[jbradfor]

What I can't help but wonder is: did you pick up your 'hobby' before or after meeting your wife?

Well, that's more complex than might think.

My interest in Chinese culture came before I met my wife. In undergrad (after I met my wife), it became more of a lifestyle, and I took several years of Chinese, and spend 3 months in Taiwan. Then, when I came back, I basically dropped it, my only practice was reading menus After my first trip back to China in 15 years, I was humiliated enough by how bad my Chinese had gotten that I decided to try to improve it as a hobby.

I know, sorry you asked....