Gifts for non-English speaking Chinese in-laws

[jordanm]

I am an American guy and began dating a Chinese girl that is in Los Angeles for a Postdoc. We will be going to China for 3 weeks, and her family wants to meet me so we will stay with them for about a week. Unfortunately, I don't speak Chinese and they don't speak English. As a matter of fact, they have never met a non-Asian person before. Should be an interesting week

I would like to come prepared with a nice set of presents, both as the family of my GF as well as a gesture for putting us up for a week. They live in Fujian and are fishermen, so my girlfriend says they don't really have any hobbies or particular things they are into which would be good leads for gifts. Therefore I am trying to figure out a good set of gifts.

Here are my initial thoughts, but not sure if American culture would dictate similar presents to Chinese:

Father, Mother, aunts, uncles, etc - Maybe some American bottles of wine, flowers, or a house gift like an American antique. I saw in another thread that flowers are not common -- is this true?

Older Brother - Maybe a bottle of scotch or something like this. He sounds like a fairly wild guy that drinks beer a lot with friends, but not sure how Chinese like Single Malt Scotch.

Older Sister - Perhaps a nice box of chocolates, cause I know she likes candy.

Brother's 2 year old Daughter and Sister's 10 year old son - Perhaps some American candy and a toy for each. What kind of American toys would kids in China like?

Brother's wife - ???

Sister's Husband - ???

This also touches on another question. Is it nicer to bring gifts for each individual person, showing that I took the time to hand pick them, or is it better to bring a couple of big gifts 'for the family'.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Also keep in mind they are small-town folk, whereas I am a city person. Not sure if this means fancy things like Single Malt Scotch, cigars, good wine, etc, would be inappropriate for that audience.

Thanks so much,

Jordan

[phyrex]

For the parents of my girl I've found candy to be the best ;) They love German chocolate.

I once brought them a digital photoframe which they didn't really appreciate :'-(

One of the best gifts for her dad was a big, big cup from NYC (cups here tend to be small and he's a big guy).

About flowers I've heard a number of things, but you *could* be wrong with cut flowers, so you might want to avoid that.

Some general ideas: How about some T-shirts for the little ones? It's nice to have some stuff that other people don't have, i'm sure that would be appreciated.

Also, bring a couple of picture books of whatever your hometown is (LA?). It's nice to look at and it might help you to explain a couple of things.

Also, bring a lot of small, inexpensive stuff to give to friends and family that you haven't thought of/will meet there. Chinese guys always do that too. It's the gesture that counts here -- just go into the next best tourist shop and get a dozen of something pretty and small.

Also, question your girl more, if you want more personalized gifts. After having pressured my gf into asking her dad, and her pressuring him to answer (Chinese really have a hard time vocalizing their wishes..) I found out that he would love to get a magnifying class. Wouldn't have thought of that ;)

I hope that'll give you some ideas..

[katyjo]

Future in law?? How about a car?

[imron]

I would generally avoid candy and other sweets. Most Chinese I know tend to find foreign candy far too sweet. Wine and liquor will probably always go down well with adult males - even if they don't drink it, foreign alcohol makes a nice shelf decoration that they can show off to all their friends.

[phyrex]

No matter what imron says, bring at least some for the kids to try ;) It doesn't take much space, and in my experience people have always loved it ;)

[renzhe]

My girlfriend always brings loads of chocolate from Germany.

The cheapest, blandest, most "normal" chocolate you get at every kiosk. "Ritter" they are called.

For some reason, everybody loves it and can't have enough of it.

[anonymoose]

The cheapest, blandest, most "normal" chocolate you get at every kiosk. "Ritter" they are called.

Yes, they're very tasty, but you can get them from many shops in China, or at least in Shanghai (eg. Carrefour).

About drink - just bare in mind how you are going to transport it - remember no liquids in hand luggage.

[phyrex]

But Rittersport is very expensive in China, and might be out of reach for Fujian Fishermen? Well, your girlfriend will know more about that. Also, you should rather get some American chocolate ;) (if you have any good one, that is ;P )

[jordanm]

Thanks for the tips everyone. Photobook of LA and regional shirts and other souvenirs are good ideas I would have never thought of.

Is there a particular type of liquor or wine that Chinese prefer? I personally like Single Malt Scotch, Tequila, and red wines. Would these be suitable, or am I better with something more mild like a blended whiskey and white wines? What about cigars? Her brother and dad smoke cigarettes, but not sure if Cigars would go over well and be perceived the same way they are in the states.

Lastly, is there a particular type of chocolate or candy that would be most suitable? Americans often prefer milk chocolate, whereas the Chinese candies I have had are not particularly sweet. Would this make dark chocolate a better choice?

As for the person that suggested a car, we are not that serious. No where near talking about marriage other than maybe in a few years if things work out.

[imron]

You might not think so, but if she's taking you back to meet her parents, she almost certainly has different ideas. In Chinese culture, it's a step that definitely implies a greater degree of seriousness that what it does in the West.

[jordanm]

We discussed the situation, and she decided since we will be traveling to China it would be more appropriate to meet the parents than not to. She told the family, and they were very curious to meet me regardless of seriousness.

[leeyah]

You might not think so, but if she's taking you back to meet her parents, she almost certainly has different ideas.

I agree.

Now, back to gifts:

cigarettes - from what I've seen the Chinese are avid smokers, they are mad about cigarettes, so you can't go wrong there

dark chocolate - no, I wouldn't recommend it as a good choice, even if they aren't particularly fond of sweets, perhaps a box of dry cookies or German spice cookies would make a better and quite unique gift for the ladies and kids.

Consider also small things like scented candles or, why not, small & handy solid scent boxes for the younger women in the family, or even for your girlfriend, I'm sure no woman can resist them

[Lu]

Lots of good ideas already. Liquor is usually good for men, I'd bring something stronger than wine, something you drink in small cups. Famous brands are good. Souvenirs from your hometown are good.

Also, check out the other threads on this question, perhaps you might find some good ideas there too.

[Scoobyqueen]

To the OP - yes bring lots of small gifts.

The cheapest, blandest, most "normal" chocolate you get at every kiosk. "Ritter" they are called.

Thanks for that suggestion. I will certainly use that. In the past I have brought something seasonal like little Easter eggs and Christmas stuff and mozartkugel. Typically I buy small packets that cost 1-2 Euros and can be used as gifts for people whom you meet for the first time.

I doesnt matter that you can buy the stuff in China already as the packaging will be in German (or another language) and that can have an exotic flair.

Think culture. Things like key rings with some attachment that is, in this case, typically German or European. For example little plaques with a Goethe quote. Chinese like culture so that will be a talking point too and you may leave an intellectural impression as well.

Think of something symbolic and personal to your relationship since Chinese like symbols, you can then explain what the symbol is in your country thereby having a topic of conversation. Example: For an important journalist (my area of work) I bought a key ring (with the Goethe quote), a high-tech gadget for his desk, and a bottle of kirschwasser (a German drink "schnapps"). I wrote a card which explained that the key was for our successful partnership which started out in the common foundation of high-tech products and then explained the use of alcohol to seal an agreement/celebrate friendship (I think Chinese do the same).

I think coming up with something that shows you have bought it especially with the receiver in mind is important.

Other things I have bought are: high-quality branded pens (Faber) and wallets (Boss or Joop). Chinese love to show off brands but I make sure they have heard about the brands I am buying. Artistic item that shows difference between east and west. For children I have bought sun glasses (I wouldt trust the Chinese ones), umbrellas and pens (with nice piccies), and books for little children but always something that is overtly non-Chinese.

Also remember that packaging is very important in China. Pretty paper and ribbons!

Dont be surprised if the Chinese dont open the prezzies in front of you.some consider it to be an impolite gesture to do so.

[zozzen]

frankly, the gift shown in your first post is fine. It doesn't matter what you buy them, but it's better to have gifts that look expensive.

it sounds quite weird that many people are not hesitate to ask, "how much is this? "

It's not traditional manners, and actually can be regarded as impoliteness even in Chinese culture, but it's common anyway.

So, the rule is that, buy them anything uncommon in China, no matter it's chocolate, wine, cigarette and when asked about the price, place one more zero at the end.

One of the best gift in affordable price for men is western rollies bought in an airport. The effect is amazing. You know, when asked what it is, the gift receiver can earn a lot of "faces", "这是老外抽的烟嘛, 烟纸是荷兰来的, 烟丝是德国的, 卷烟器是法国的, 没什么, 我女婿花了两千多元买给我的, 现在抽惯了, 抽印象反而不习惯呢, 呵呵." I met an old man who really believed that the 150g tobacco he got from his friend cost RMB400..... but the actual price was actually RMB45..... As long as he's happy with this, why not.

[ThankfulBlossom]

Don't know that I would bring liquor as a gift but the other ideas are great.

[roddy]

Hard drink is fine - it's almost a second currency, you buy it at a shop, give it to your friend, your friend sells it back to the shop. Effectively you've given cash, without getting your hands dirty. That's what signs like these are about. Very handy if you're a corrupt official - "Bribes, no I couldn't possibly take a bribe. Oh, what's this? Ah, and in a presentation box too .. . "

That's not to say thats what'll happen to your present, but it's an acceptable present. It may well end up as an ornament or potentially passed on as a gift to someone else, but so be it. If it's a nice single malt make sure to explain it's not to be thrown down the throat.