Dating advice Help,

[chineselearner1]

Hi all

Im just new here but hoping you can give me some advice.

Im just beggining learning Chinese and loving it, I've even met lots of new friends over the past new weeks.

I met this really nice chinese girl who I got talking to in the meet ups and I invited her out to a museusm and gallery yesterday with lunch afterwards.

We got on quite well and her English although not perfect is quite good, much better than my chinese!

Thing is ive never been with a Chinese girl on a date so unsure of the proper ettiqute etc.

At the end of the date she offered her hand to shake which i did, but i went to give her a peck on the cheek and she turned slightly so it kinda became a hug instead.

She has offered to invite me to her place next time and cook for me, my favourite dumplings. (this was before my attempt to kiss! )

Im just not sure if I messed up with the attempt to kiss on the cheek (it was at a crowded bus stop here in my country)

We are both over 30 yrs old and I like her alot, I think she had a nice time yesterday, she will be here in my country for another 9 months before she goes home.

All going well, next wkend i'll go to her home (she shares with another couple) for food. Im thinking of bringing a fruit basket and flowers, I think bringing fruit is a chinese thing which will go down well, but would i be overstepping the mark with flowers?

Any help appreciated !

Thanks

[skylee]

just don't bring chrysanthemum and it should be ok.

Not everyone likes to be kissed by a stranger (you were not a close friend were you?). If she were younger she might be more open but she is not. And some people take such things more seriously than you would like them to.

[sthubbar]

Relax, try to let things develop. If you feel comfortable bringing flowers and fruit go for it. Starting a new relationship is often filled with small awkward moments that shouldn't be misinterpreted to indicate a lack of interest.

Have fun.

PS When I started dating my Chinese wife (she wasn't my wife at that time ), she sometimes would talk only a little. At first I thought it was an indication of lack of interest. It turns out it was simply shyness.

[xianhua]

Avoid white flowers too if possible.

If she is from mainland China (and over 30 as you stated), she'll probably be getting grief from her family about settling down soon.

[katyjo]

I agree with xianhua, over 30 is considered a little late for choices. Your chances sounds positive as long as you are marriage minded.

[abcdefg]

Your chances sounds positive as long as you are marriage minded.

If this is your first experience dating a Chinese girl in that age range, be prepared for marriage to become a major issue sooner than it would in most western cultures. It may come up verbally or it may not, but, for better or for worse, you will be sized up from the start as a potential life partner. If you are not aware of that cultural twist, it could freak you out. Of course things might be diluted since you indicated you are not in China. What country are you and this lady currently residing in?

[chineselearner1]

Hi All.

Thanks for the helpful advice and comments,

- gotcha , ok wont bring chrysanthemum flowers..

nope im not a close friend, we only kinda met about a month ago.

- ok no white flowers either

red is probably too much at this stage i think, so was thinking maybe yellow? or a mix maybe?

we both are over 30, but she hasnt said anything about gettin married, i would be worried if she mentioned this on a first date though!

But i do know that it would be on her mind, i guess its maybe on my mind too.. im not getting any younger either.. but i dont want to rush into anything straight away.

yep she is from mainland china, from near western china, (forget the exact place)

Im currently in the british isles, she is quite academic, and probably more learned than myself , i dropped out of college and have a decent job nowadays.

She sent me pics she took of me on our date on saturday, but other than that , nothing since (i mailed saying i had a nice time etc. in chinese and english)

I;ll give her time to respond and see if she comes back to chat about maybe meeting up the weekend for food...

thanks

[chineselearner1]

Hi All

Just to update,

Went on second date yesterday

I picked her up near her home , I wanted to show her the beach near my home town.

It was wet out so i had back up plans to go to an aquerium which she loved.

She also brought food and materials to cook my favourite dumplings in my house - so we spent hours doing that!

They tasted really nice and i now have loads in fridge and freezer to keep me going!

I'd like to progress things more as i really fancy her but im nervous about different cultural ways.. i really want to put my arms around her and give her a big kiss but somthing tells me that this might not be normal in china.?

what signs should i look out for that she is intrested in me ?

she still offers her hand to shake when we part ( and then i kinda drag her closer with the hand for a peck on the cheek

we were on the sofa together and i really wanted to put my arm around her to watch a movie together but chickened out.

With a local girl i wouldnt be as polite and would probably be more upfront and more physical as such. plus we would probably go to the pub to oil the wheels, but my chinese girl doesnt really drink much at all. should i suggest alcohol for our next meeting

[Hong XQ]

Just two people making dumplings, well that counts as a very advanced good sign, I'm serious . In my book, based on insufficient data, the odds of her actually waiting for you to put your arms around her cannot be below 92% at this point.

Glad you're having a fun time . My two cents if I may, it seems you've found yourself a shy one, and aren't much better yourself : these akward moments alone should not be something to give you cold feet!

[Lu]

You got a second date, and she cooked for you. Two very good signs. Don't worry about not getting physical yet, from what I've heard couples in China can take ages to get to the point of holding hands, so no need to rush. From what you tell here, it looks like things are going well enough, so just keep it up and you have a good chance of ending up happily ever after. If you want alcohol, get a nice wine or sth for a future date (if she doesn't really drink, she probably won't like the pub).

And make sure to keep us posted! ;-)

[Erbse]

I'd like to progress things more as i really fancy her but im nervous about different cultural ways.. i really want to put my arms around her and give her a big kiss but somthing tells me that this might not be normal in china.?

WTF? How old are You dude?

[Meng Lelan]

Don't worry about not getting physical yet, from what I've heard couples in China can take ages to get to the point of holding hands

Lu is right on this account. Take your time. It doesn't matter your age, just take it slow and easy.

[chineselearner1]

Thanks for most of the comments guys,

@ Lu , thks I'll keep plugging away anyway. Im sure its going to be worth it in the end.

no date this weekend, but weekend after next is almost in the bag.