太太 vs. 爱人 (and many more)

[Quifore]

Hello!

I have just started out with Chinese using Assimil Chinese With Ease for the oral part and Tuttle Learning Chinese Characters for learning the characters. I already knew some Chinese before I started, because I was an exchange student in Germany last year and my school offered Chinese classes. When I came back to Norway, I decided to continue on my own. I ran through the 20 first chapters of Tuttle (i.e. half the book, approx. 250 characters, I skipped some) to get a "grounding" in the characters, and my plan now is to go through half of the Assimil book, then do the rest of Tuttle before finishing Assimil. After that I'll buy Vol. 2 of Assimil and maybe a grammar book. I'm using Anki to learn vocabulary and characters.

Now, to the point:

Sometimes, the book (Assimil) just presents new vocabulary with no further explanation. So far I have encountered both 太太 and 爱人 for "wife" - what is the difference here? In Germany, I learned that 爸爸 means "father", while my book presents 父亲. Here I guess the first one is the equivalent of "dad" while the latter is more formal - am I right? I have also encountered both 夫 and 先生 for husband. Some help please? (I would appreciate pinyin in brackets if you give examples.)

PS.

Tips on learning materials would be very welcome too.

[Fiona.C]

Well,let me explain it for you.

At first,爱人is not only refer to wife,it also means "husband"

For example,when someone introduce his/her wife/husband to others,

he/she can say 这是我爱人(zhe4 shi4 wo3 ai4 ren2) .

太太 means "wife".

When 太太 and 爱人both for"wife",at the mojarity of time,太太 and 爱人 are the same.However,the young people(the age of 20-28) seldom use 太太/爱人 to introduce their wife.老婆（lao3 po2) is the word they often use.太太/爱人 is more fomarl than 老婆.

Secondly,about the爸爸/父亲,you hold a right view.When at home,you can call your dad ”爸爸“.When you are writing,you can use "父亲".

Lastly,夫 refers to "husband" in ancient times.Now,丈夫(zhang4 fu1) means "huasband".Basically ,there is no differences between 丈夫and先生.

I hope this can help you.

[Jose]

Also note that the use of the words for 'husband' and 'wife' is an area of vocabulary that has been affected by the political changes in China in the 20th century.

先生 (xiānsheng) and 太太 (tàitai) were the more common words before 1949, but they were seen as bourgeois by the Communists, and replaced by the more egalitarian 爱人 (àirén), originally 'lover', for both men and women. The social and political reforms of the last 30 years have affected vocabulary again, and the standard words for "husband" and "wife" in mainland China are now 丈夫 (zhàngfū) and 妻子 (qīzi). 老婆 (lǎopó) is more colloquial.

These linguistic changes didn't affect Taiwan, Hong Kong and the long-established overseas communities, where 先生 and 太太 have remained the usual words.

[hanyu_xuesheng]

Fiano.C says

For example,when someone introduce his/her wife/husband to others,

he/she can say 这是我爱人(zhe4 shi4 wo3 ai4 ren2) .

Nobody says this in Taiwan!

[muyongshi]

Personally I only know of one Chinese person that actually says that here on the mainland when introducing or referring to their spouse in conversation and even then I think she only uses it when talking to foreigners. I hear 老婆 99% of the time in introductions and conversations. Honestly hearing 爱人 just sounds FUNNY to my ears. But hey what do I know right?

[imron]

I heard it very often amongst people over say 40 years old where I used to live (both Beijing and Hebei).

[semantic nuance]

The following expressions are what I can come up with:

Mandarin for wife: 太太, 老婆, 內人, 拙荊(in a humble way), 賤內 (also in a humble way)

Taiwanese for wife: 牽手, 家後

Mandarin for husband: 先生, 老公, 丈夫, 外子, 夫婿

Taiwanese for husband: 頭家,ㄤ婿

Hope it helps!

[vampire]

Generally the most common way to say husband/wife nowadays is 老公/老婆(lao3gong1/lao3po2), regardless of where someone is from, when that someone is speaking mandarin, not his/her local dialect....

[zozzen]

I heard 愛人 a lot among people who were born before 60s. Very old fashioned and i almost thought i lived in another era.

The most common word nowadays are 我女人、老婆, 太太, 夫人 (descending order of formality) .

Hu Jintao's wife, when referred in a newspaper, is 夫人. A respectful title for referring other's wife ( If obama could speak Chinese, he would introduce his wife "我太太" and Hu called Obama's wife "夫人" )

Your boss's wife is 太太 or 老婆.

When you refer to your wife, you possibly say "我老婆" or " 我女人" (intimate tone)

But what about referring your wife to your parents?

possibly say "我太太" , "我老婆" , but also "你媳婦" (your daughter-in-law).

[muyongshi]

Here in sichuan 媳妇 is used by lots of people when talking about their own or others wife- it's pretty equivalent to 老婆. Like a taxi driver many times will ask me 准备找个中国媳妇吗？ and 准备找个中国老婆 are both used virtually interchangably. There is a few variances but not necessary to get into them here.

我女人" (intimate tone)

I really don't think of this as being "intimate tone" as you put it but just one step up from calling someone your 马子. I hear this frequently used between males when they are referring to their "woman" or if said to the woman more of in a joking sense. If I said that a girl seriously she would probably smack me. There is still kind of the "he's called me his!!!" type of reaction but that doesn't add up to intimate- it's a fairly 粗 way of talking about them. Typically seen in gangster/mob movies as well.

[HashiriKata]

How commonly is 我妻子 used to refer to one's own wife? And is 我的妻子 (= with 的) used at all?

[muyongshi]

I still hear 老婆 {我的 or 我} used more than 妻子.

[renzhe]

This thread is really interesting. A lot of these things depend on the region, the age of the people, how formal the situation is, but also in what context the word is being used.

太太 is like "Mrs." It's ok to refer to someone as your 太太 , but when you should be careful when addressing someone as XX太太. AFAIK, it's used with the husband's surname, not with the wife's, so if a woman is married to a Mr. 周, she would be referred to as 周太太. Something like "Mrs. John Smith". In the feudal times, women left their families after marrying and joined the husband's family and it is reflected in this usage. So not everyone might appreciate being addressed in this way today.

[adrianlondon]

I used 情人 when in class, to try and avoid stopping the conversation dead by saying I have a boyfriend ;) I guess it's pretty old fashioned, but I wasn't picked up on it.

[fengyixiao]

In northchina，if young guys who are friends,they will use “我媳妇” more often,that sounds they are family. You can also say "我家里的" instead of "我媳妇". Never say "我女人"，that sounds you are "黑社会".

For stranges or people who are not familar with each other,"老公、老婆" are used。Basically，you can always use "老公、老婆". Nowadays,young gays even call their boyfriends and girlfriends as "老公、老婆".

"太太" is used before 1949 for mainland. It is still used in Hongkong and Taiwan.

“爱人” is still used for people who serve in goverment in formal places.

"夫人、先生" are used when people intruoduce/call people from Hongkong、Taiwan or forein country.

“妻子、丈夫” are used in writing or other formal places.

[imron]

I used 情人 when in class

You might also consider something like 对象. In social contexts at least, I think it's a more appropriate term. On the mainland, 情人 is often used to refer to the third party when someone is having an affair.

[skylee]

I consider it normal and polite to use 你太太/先生 and 我太太/先生 in all situations. 老公/老婆 can be used amongst close friends/family but would be inappropriate in an office environment etc.

In Hong Kong, 夫人/外子 are used in formal situations, e.g. introducing a woman of a high status or a woman introducing her husband formally. And 愛人/媳婦 are not used at all to refer to one's spouse.

[muyongshi]

Yeah- 情人 isn't the best option every really. Too much cultural implications to it. It would be like saying a very over done "my luver" {intentional mispelling}. Kind of weird.

[muyongshi]

And 愛人/媳婦 are not used at all to refer to one's spouse

Gotta love regional differences. mental note for when I go visit my friend and his new bride in HK.

[bhchao]

I consider it normal and polite to use 你太太/先生 and 我太太/先生 in all situations. 老公/老婆 can be used amongst close friends/family but would be inappropriate in an office environment etc.

I agree. I always used 你的太太 or 你的先生 when referring to the other person's wife or husband in formal/informal conversations.

However I avoid using 老公/老婆 in formal conversations with strangers. In Taiwan, 老公/老婆 is usually reserved for close friends or friends close to the family.

In Hong Kong, 夫人/外子 are used in formal situations, e.g. introducing a woman of a high status or a woman introducing her husband formally. And 愛人/媳婦 are not used at all to refer to one's spouse.

To say 你的愛人 to refer to someone's spouse, even a friend's, is considered inappropriate or offensive in Taiwan. 愛人 carries the connotation of "mistress" in Taiwan. Teresa Teng's song 愛人 exactly meant mistress, or second lover.