CONFUSED

[muyongshi]

My question is does she know you are in love with her? And does she share your feelings?

[Kenny同志]

I am not sure, it is very likely that she doesn't know.

[muyongshi]

Then I guess the whole dress issue is kind of a moot point for the moment.

Edited October 8, 2009 at 03:09 PM by muyongshi
misspelling of "moot"

[skylee]

i agree with renzhe.

[Kenny同志]

what is a mute point?

[muyongshi]

Sorry meant moot. Changing it now.

[Kenny同志]

I see. Thanks all for your input. I will keep this thread updated. hehe.

[gerri]

I will keep this thread updated.

Please do. It's very interesting to hear the thoughts of a Chinese guy contemplating (is that the right word?, hehe) a foreign girl as a potential girlfriend...

And, it's really too early to worry about her showing skin, but not too early to suggest going out ;-)

[jbradfor]

I'm a bit late to this 溝乳 party, but I think the previous comments missed kenny2006woo's concerns. I'm guessing here why would a guy be upset by too much 溝乳, so here it goes....

1) Does her clothing show that she is a bad person, has loose morals, etc? Without pictures (!) it's hard to say for sure, but by American standards, in general no. She might be, she might not be, but I don't think you can assume anything by her clothing. The worst you can say is that she is probably a bit culturally insensitive if she doesn't notice, but that's not surprising for someone that young.

2) If you two do have a relationship, would her clothing cause problems when she meets your family? I'm guessing you come from a fairly traditional family, so the answer is yes. In this case, I would suggest telling her that while you really like her clothing (whether you do or not is irrelevant, say you do), your family is a bit traditional and it would be easier for them to accept a non-Chinese person if you dressed a bit more traditionally. If she is at all culturally sensitive (and she better be for an inter-cultural relationship of this type to work), she may be a bit upset, but she will understand.

[HashiriKata]

I would suggest telling her that while you really like her clothing (whether you do or not is irrelevant, say you do), your family is a bit traditional and it would be easier for them to accept a non-Chinese person if you dressed a bit more traditionally.

You seem to be several steps ahead of time, jbradfor!

Anyway, best wishes to the OP, and I hope he'll soon reach this landmark!

[jbradfor]

OK, maybe I am a couple steps ahead (which is unusual for me), but then help me out: I'm still back to my original question, why would a guy be upset by too much 溝乳? So I was just thinking of possible reasons, maybe you can think of others? Or maybe the OP can state exactly what the problem is?

I did think of a third reason:

3) You are embarrassed when your friends see you with her due to her clothing. Since the OP said he did stop and talk with her, I don't think that is the case. But if this is the case, as other have said, I doubt she will change because you ask her to (at this point) and she would probably get very offended. So you will need to accept it.

[skylee]

AFAIK, 溝乳 (X), 乳溝 (O).

[heifeng]

Then I guess the whole dress issue is kind of a moot point for the moment.

Omg this isn't even a cultural issue. Guys are more than happy to see a few freebies until they think they want to claim the girl as their own, then they think about her covering it up....just saying.

[Kenny同志]

Thanks all, especially, Jbradfor，thanks for your informative input. Yes, I am from a traditional family in which skin revealing is not considered appropriate. This is why I am upset.

She is a very nice person whom I guess is just culturally insensitive. I admit to taking great pleasure being with her. But I think it might be better to know more about her before I take any action. (I have just seen her several times but she leaves on me a very good impression.)

In addition, I am fairly traditional too. I don't want to appear imprudent by asking her out too early. Maybe when we know enough about each other I will do.

Edited October 10, 2009 at 02:31 AM by kenny2006woo

[taryn]

On more than one occasion here in Seoul, several girl friends (teachers) have been chastised about showing too much "something"....They weren't actually showing cleavage...but i think people are generally offended that they have big boobies and still wear scoop neck tees.

i mean, no offense to Korean girls but i get compliments on my "S line" from my (female) students and i'm less than a B cup. lol! so, the question is, is she really showing cleavage or are you perceiving cleavage? It's all relative!

As a female, I'm thinking if you're already taking issues with her wardrobe, spare her (and yourself) the drama and move on. I'm sure there will be another cute, outgoing, confidant, American girl with an A cup who comes to the university before you finish your studies.

[jbradfor]

@kenny2006woo:

Yes, I am from a traditional family in which skin revealing is not considered appropriate. This is why I am upset.

I am still a bit confused. Why exactly are you upset? Does it offend your morals? Do you think worse of her? Do you think she is not showing proper respect to Chinese values? Do you worry what people will say/think?

@skylee:

AFAIK, 溝乳 (X), 乳溝 (O).

OPPS! How right you are. Thanks. It also makes more sense that way too.

[Kenny同志]

You could always try for "friends with benefits".

I did not know what was " friends with benefits" . Today when I was browsing a website I came across this phrase. Oh my goodness, it means "causal sex".

Well, I am afraid I won't do that.

[HashiriKata]

I am still a bit confused. Why exactly are you upset?

I think kenny2006woo may be using the word in a slightly different sense, not as serious as you're interpreting it.

[Kenny同志]

Or put it more pricisely, "at a loss, not knowing what to do".

[flywhc]

Dressing sexy isn't bad and become popular in China.

Her clothes still cover more than bikini, right? then should be acceptable by most people in big city.

Poor young man, you just think too much. Being a girlfriend still has a long way to go before meeting your family and marriage (even you have long way to go to become her boyfriend). Your friends will admire that you have such a sexy girlfriend. I am sure your wife will change dressing code for you in front of your parents even she is a nudist.

When I was a undergraduate student, I thought I should marry with a virgin. I don't agree with this silly idea for long time.

I guess you haven't had much experiences with girls? After a few years, maybe you won't think that is "skin revealing".

Being a good friend is a good start. Let everything naturally progress and stop thinking troubles in the future. It will be a good experience for you even you two can't go together in the end.