translation about liquor

[Kenny同志]

古井贡酒酒液清澈透明，香醇如幽兰，入口甘美醇和，属浓香型大曲酒。被誉为“一家饮酒千家醉，一户开坛千里香”的好酒。

The liquor is clear and transparent, aromatic like orchid, which tastes sweet and mellow and the liquor belongs to Luzhou-flavor daqu liquor. The liquor was ever praised in a poem. The poem is: “a drinking family intoxicates a thousand ones, an altar of liquor opened scents in a thousand miles.”

quoted from a translator's blog: http://carlchi.blog.163.com/blog/static/31446964200991643629560/

It seems a challenging job to put the original into decent English. I often think it would be better to rewrite the original in English.

[xianhua]

The liquor was ever praised in a poem

I've been wondering about this use of 'ever' for some time. My wife used to use it before I told her that it didn't sound natural (to British ears) and to use 'once' instead. Is it possibly more common in US English and therefore migrated to English grammar books in China?

[Kenny同志]

Is it possibly more common in US English and therefore migrated to English grammar books in China?

I am afraid so.

[HashiriKata]

Is it possibly more common in US English and therefore migrated to English grammar books in China?

I think we shouldn't blame US English for common mistakes by Chinese learners . "Ever" seems to have come straight out of the Chinese "曾", via rote learning.

[Kenny同志]

anyone would like to give a better English version?

[animal world]

Hmm, my US ears immediately thought that "ever" was a typo for "even." Let's stop bashing US English. It's a great language when handled well; the same goes for British English.

The translation incorrectly conveys that it's the orchid that tastes sweet and mellow. The unnecessary repeats of the word "liquor" strike me as gauche. The word "like" is misused quite regularly nowadays but someone who uses English for a living should do better than that. "Opened" should be "opens."

Perhaps I don't understand the quote from the poem. As written, it would not entice me, a normal consumer, to buy this stuff as imho it conjures up unpleasant imagery.

[Kenny同志]

I agree with you, Animal World. The original sounds OK to me but the English version is so terrible that it discourages western consumers.

I think it is very hard to get the ad into good English that sounds as good to Chinese consumers as it does to consumers who are native English speakers.

Care to give it a try?

[anonymoose]

古井贡酒酒液清澈透明，香醇如幽兰，入口甘美醇和，属浓香型大曲酒。被誉为“一家饮酒千家醉，一户开坛千里香”的好酒。

Here's my attempt:

Gujinggong liquor is clear and transparent, fragrant like an orchid, sweet and refreshing, mellow and pure. A kind of Luzhou-flavour Daqu liquor, it is reputed that "the aroma enchants all within a thousand miles".

[xianhua]

Let's stop bashing US English.

I don't think anyone 'bashed' US English as such. My original query was simply based on the fact that I couldn't rule out this grammatical structure being correct in another country. Since Australian English has fewer differences with British English, this left the US as a more likely source.

For example, I just read a post on here containing the words: 'I wrote the administrator'. In British English this would be considered incorrect since 'to' was omitted, whereas I have a feeling that it's perfectly normal in written US English (but correct me if I'm wrong).

[chrix]

Yes that's one of the commonly cited grammatical differences. If you're interested in more stuff like that, I can recommend you this blog written by an American linguist based in the UK, they just had an entry about this very topic:

http://separatedbyacommonlanguage.blogspot.com/2009/10/write-to-someone.html

[xianhua]

Thanks chrix - good find. There really are a myriad of differences.

I only recently discovered that the 'h' is dropped in 'herbs' in the US, whereas we pronounce it in Britain (well, for the most part). I find myself somewhat surprised at not knowing this due to the copious number of Hollywood films I was raised on.

[Kenny同志]

Here's my attempt:

Gujinggong liquor is clear and transparent, fragrant like an orchid, sweet and refreshing, mellow and pure. A kind of Luzhou-flavour Daqu liquor, it is reputed that "the aroma enchants all within a thousand miles".

Thanks, anonymoose, it is great.

clear and transparent, fragrant like an orchid, sweet and refreshing, mellow and pure

but I think the grouped adjectives sound a little bit awkward to me, I don't know how they do to you native speakers.

[anonymoose]

I think the grouped adjectives sound a little bit awkward to me, I don't know how they do to you native speakers.

I think it's OK. However, I find that in this kind of material, Chinese tends to use a lot more adjectives than English would. I only included all those adjectives because they were in the original sentence. If this were written in English to begin with, I don't think one would normally include that many adjectives. But of course, this also depends on personal writing style.

[Kenny同志]

However, I find that in this kind of material, Chinese tends to use a lot more adjectives than English would. I only included all those adjectives because they were in the original sentence.

Yes, it is not uncommon that we have to compromise. English and Chinese are sometimes what I'd like to call 方枘圆凿.

[animal world]

The ad, as translated by Anonymoose, would entice me to buy this liquor except i'm not much of a boozer and am also outside the 1000 miles' radius to be truly enchanted. A strong noun always trumps a weak one shored up with adjectives BUT advertisements may well be an exception to this rule. When translating, you should adhere to the style of the original and not follow your own.

I'm not entirely in love with the "kind of Luzhou-flavour Daqu liquor" but don't know what Luzhou encompasses to come up with an alternative. All in all, Anonymoose did a great job translating in the spirit of the original and turning this into good English.

[Kenny同志]

The ad, as translated by Anonymoose, would entice me to buy this liquor except i'm not much of a boozer and am also outside the 1000 miles' radius to be truly enchanted.

Thanks for letting me know that, Animal World. I do think sometimes that it is almost impossible for a Chinese to translate Chinese into good English even if he has a good command of English because he lacks the intuition for English as a mother tongue.