Open month, insert foot, repeat step one!

[SirDude]

Hello,

I'm someone who usually carries a shovel with me all the time, well, more like a back-hoe, since I seem to always manage to dig myself into a big hole when talking with some types of people.

So I was searching the forums for common things Westerners seem to do to look like a fool. I'm sure it can't be too hard, but what are some of the main taboos or just daily mix-up's that people do in China? (tourist, student, or worker)

Thanks,

SirDude

[pancake]

I thinks most westerners mistakes will be related to tones. My Chinese is not yet advanced enough to make tone-mistakes of the offensive type, instead I mostly just don't get understood. I did hear a tale of a Korean who wanted to ask for the price of a plate of 饺子, and instead asked the waitress how much one night would cost...

As for cultural taboos and such, I must confess that I have no idea. Maybe I am offending Chinese on a daily basis without knowing. If any native could write a list of do's and don't:s I would be very grateful.

[chrix]

I'm not sure if the OP was after this kind of thing, but since we're talking about tone mistakes, the most famous one, also "accessible" to beginners, would be

请问你一下

just make a third tone out of the fourth tone of 问 and it becomes 吻 "kiss". Though I'm yet to hear about this REALLY being misunderstood

[roddy]

I think the big one has got to be humour, and particularly sarcasm. I do think the Chinese sense of humour when relaxed and among friends can actually be quite similar to the British, but it's applied on a much narrower basis. Combine that with the fact that people expect foreigners to actually do and say weird stuff anyway, and a throwaway comment can result in minutes of even more hilarious explaining.

The classic for me, which I've mentioned before and probably still commit once or twice a year, is when the waiter asks if you want your beer opened and you say no, you just plan to look at it. At which point the waiter walks away, bemused.

[SirDude]

Yes, a list of Do's and Don't's would be an excellent!

What sparked this post came from reading on a different wesite about some basic do's and don't, mostly to do with food or chopsticks. Most are common sense, like don't dig in a pile of meat to get the one piece you want or using your chopsticks with food / mouth juice all over it to pick up food from the main plate.

But the one that stuck in my head was "do not stand your Chinese-style chopsticks up in a bowl of rice, because it looks like the incense used to honor the dead"

Now that would be the type of thing I would offend someone with.

Searching this forum I found a number of etiquette posts or questions, but no real life mix-ups. So I did a Google search for basic etiguette, this is what the USA - Chinese Chamber of Commerce pointed out. http://www.usccc.org/newhome/Etiquette10.asp

I guess the Chinese are use to US / us looking like fools?

Edited January 31, 2010 at 01:27 AM by SirDude

[anonymoose]

"do not stand your Chinese-style chopsticks up in a bowl of rice, because it looks like the incense used to honor the dead"

I've heard this one too, but I don't know how widely observed it is. Most of the people I've asked here in Shanghai have not heard of this taboo, and indeed I've seen many Chinese people doing exactly this, so it can't be that serious.

[gerri]

I've known lists like this about Japan since I was a kid (well, not quite, but it feels like it) and they are to be taken with a rock of salt...

Case in point is the thing about chopsticks: I hardly ever see chopsticks sticking up straight out of the bowl of rice, but I have seen Chinese tons of time quickly sticking them in there at an angle, if need be...

The main issue I'm seeing is with people getting angry and going on the offensive when something doesn't go the way they want - and then, Chinese will be upset about them, not like them, but not show it directly.

I have been wondering what would happen if I just took away somebody's cigarette when they are smoking into my face... that would probably result in a brawl

[imron]

Most of the people I've asked here in Shanghai have not heard of this taboo,

I've been at meals where parents have told their children not to do this for that reason.

[skylee]

I've heard this one too, but I don't know how widely observed it is. Most of the people I've asked here in Shanghai have not heard of this taboo, and indeed I've seen many Chinese people doing exactly this, so it can't be that serious.

I don't know about Shanghai. But I (in Hong Kong) have been taught about it. And people here don't do it. And if you do it here, your friends will tell you not to. Those who are not your friends (or who treat you as a guest) will say nothing.

[phyrex]

Quote:

I've heard this one too, but I don't know how widely observed it is. Most of the people I've asked here in Shanghai have not heard of this taboo, and indeed I've seen many Chinese people doing exactly this, so it can't be that serious.

I don't know about Shanghai. But I (in Hong Kong) have been taught about it. And people here don't do it. And if you do it here, your friends will tell you not to. Those who are not your friends (or who treat you as a guest) will say nothing.

In BJ/The North that doesn't seem to matter. At least my gf (from Inner Mongolia) looked at me incredulously when I told her about it

This is actually true for most of the things that are written in all the 'business etiquette' books (Like don't give cut flowers, the chopsticks thingy, etc.). A couple of things I found out though:

- It's impolite if I stare my father in law in the eyes for a long time

- you don't gift clocks

- Call men by their full name, unless perhaps you're really close. It's often okay just to call girls by their first name

- Offer to help in the household, even though it'll be declined every single time

That's all I can think of from the top of my head

[imron]

In BJ/The North that doesn't seem to matter.

It certainly does. Most of my time in China was spent in the North, including those meals I mentioned above. I guess it's more to do with upbringing than location.

[phyrex]

It certainly does. Most of my time in China was spent in the North, including those meals I mentioned above. I guess it's more to do with upbringing than location.

YMMV. I guess if her parents would be very traditional, I wouldn't be together with her ;)

I've seen people stick their chopsticks into their rice in restaurants quite often, though.

[imron]

I've seen people stick their chopsticks into their rice in restaurants quite often, though.

I've seen it too, but just because it happens doesn't mean it is good manners though

[Erbse]

My biggest trouble so far resulted from talking politics, not from chopsticks.

[chrix]

I'm curious about what you do in such a situation?

[SirDude]

My biggest trouble so far resulted from talking politics, not from chopsticks

Talking politics seem to get everyone in trouble, no matter if you are in your own country or not. I've learned a long time ago that I do not have enough information, nor do I want it, to talk politics in too much detail. I know people will argue I should, but I have never seen anyone of my friends, or people I have read online, change their feelings after talking about it.

It's like beating a dead horse, it's not going to get you anywhere, and the only thing that will change is your blood-pressure!

[gougou]

I agree with gato; getting angry certainly is one of the things most likely to reduce the success of your intercultural encounters - because most of the times it will be at things that people regard as perfectly normal. A friend for example just told me about when he just got to China and started yelling at people for spitting while standing next to him.

As for funnier misunderstandings, you might want to have a look at the embarrassing-moments-thread.

I've seen it too, but just because it happens doesn't mean it is good manners though

Doesn't mean it's bad manners either; down with the feudal superstitions!

[phyrex]

Doesn't mean it's bad manners either; down with the feudal superstitions!

Maybe it's something like our "don't gift knives. If you really want to give one, ask for a token 'payment'". It's a tradition, and I guess 'manners', but nothing too important really...

[chrix]

the Japanese don't believe in gifting knives either, unless they're made in Solingen

[gougou]

unless they're made in Solingen

Which is completely reasonable!

Oh, did I mention where I was from?