Translation Check

[natra]

I am trying to translate this phrase: 吾入学剑，习练功纯，自能入妙，神手其神，翻天兮惊飞鸟，滚地兮不沾尘。一击之间，恍若轻风不见剑，万变之中，但见剑光不见人。

Here is my translation:

I have studied the sword and practiced my skill to refinement. I can enter into its subtleties, my spirited hand of otherworldly capability. The blade seethes and frightened birds disperse. The earth shakes and yet (my sword) does not stir dust. When striking, the sword is unseen and like a gentle wind. In the multitude of changes, its glean is visible while its wielder is not.

Specially, what are your thoughts on the original use of 飞鸟? Also, what do you think about the translation of 神手其神?

[Daan]

Why is 翻天 "[t]he blade seethes"?

[X-Wangel]

I think"神手其神"should be "神乎其神".

[skylee]

I think the 入 in 吾入学剑 should be 人.

[Guoke]

"滚地兮不沾尘"

I guess this sentence is talking about the person, and not the sword.

It means "I roll on the ground but am not sullied by dust".

...bad translation, I know:mrgreen:

edit: So is the previous sentence: "翻天兮惊飞鸟".

It's the person instead of the sword who "翻天" （with the help of 轻功）

Edited February 16, 2010 at 09:11 AM by Guoke

[natra]

Oh, I see.

I was thinking that 翻天 referred to the movement of the sword.

Obviously I did not get some of that.

[catmachine]

飞鸟 is just 鸟. Because a bird can fly, we also call it 飞鸟. But 飞鸟 is usually used in ancient Chinese. There are some more similar usage like 游鱼, 走兽（here 走 means 跑 in ancient Chinese).

[Kenny同志]

So, are you translating a novel?

[Kenny同志]

吾入学剑，习练功纯，自能入妙，神手其神，翻天兮惊飞鸟，滚地兮不沾尘。一击之间，恍若轻风不见剑，万变之中，但见剑光不见人。

I practised my sword. I found that when I was at the point of refinement I automatically stepped into the subtleties, my hands as if being guided by a god . I rolled in the sky and the flying birds got frightened away; I rolled on the floor but the dusts could not get on my clothes. The sword moved as if it had been a breeze in a strike and in countless movements only its gleams could be seen.

胡乱翻译了一下，呵呵。

[natra]

Oh, no. I am not translating any more than this sentence. It originally started on a livejournal community.

[DaoistGate]

Natra originally posted this for me, and sent me a link to the forum (thanks Natra!). Since then I've created my own user name. These comments have been very helpful! I'm working on translating a DVD script for a Wudang Daoist martial artist (my husband). His web site is www.daoistgate.com