Chinese weddings

February 21, 2010 at 03:18 PM

so, i will be attending my first chinese wedding (as a guest, obviously) next month in beijing!

im excited, but would like to be clued into any particular customs and cultures about weddings in china beforehand so as to not make a fool of myself naturally, i will be giving the couple a red packet as a wedding gift. could someone tell me what the standard amount is? for example, the standard amount in australia is AU $100 per head, so is there an equivalent in china? i definitely wouldnt want to offend them by giving too little...

also, dress code. ive seen photos of wedding banquets where guests literally rock up in jeans and tshirt. so if i go in a nice cocktail dress, would this be overdressing??

thank you

February 21, 2010 at 04:03 PM

AU $100 is not bad at all IMO. You don't need to dress very well if you don't want to be the focus. A suit will be fine. I went to a wedding of a colleague last month and all I tried was not to wear jeans (I ended up wearing a leather jacket and corduroy pants). Some of my colleagues really dressed up, some did not, wearing jeans and t-shirts. But really it was not that important as we were just the guests.

People say that you have to take into account where the wedding banquet is held. If it is in a big expensive hotel, you might want to give more as the banquet is more expensive. If it is in a low-end restaurant, you can give less.

February 21, 2010 at 07:10 PM

The amount of money you give is indicative of the closeness of the relationship.

Most "friends" give between 200 - 300 RMB. Very good friends may give upward around 500 RMB. None of this comes close to AU$100.

If you're just acquaintances, but want to show off a bit, you could give 300 RMB. Any more than that might be showboating unless you're really close with whomever invited you.

As for dress, you can wear whatever. Even if you were the maid of honor, casual jeans and a T-shirt would be accepted. You don't want to eclipse whatever the "important people" are wearing.

February 21, 2010 at 10:46 PM

I got married in China at a very traditional Chinese wedding. The only ones dressed formal where myself and my wife to be. All the guests were dressed very casual but very clean and neat. I had no clue what I was doing but I had more fun for such a long day. Giving money depends on how close you are to the family. We got anywhere from 20 RMB to 2000 RMB from friends and relatives. We were dressed in me, Very nice suit in morning, and wife in white wedding gown. In morning you go to the wife's family apartment or house for the first of 2 formal occasions. Where the ladies are all in a room and you pass money through the door until the ladies are happy. Then they made me sing for her to come out. They we toasted with tea and i was to honor the mother with a bow. Then we went on a ride through the city to our hotel where we were to have the second affair. Took lots of formal pictures had all close friends up to our room where I carried her in to the room. Then we took tea together, they threw coins at us etc. In the evening we dressed in Chinese formal tradition clothing. Met all quests at the entrance to our hall, gave men cigarettes and candy to ladies and children. The we had our man who did the formal traditional ceramony It was a great day. I met more people from all over that are now my best friends in China. I met this younger lady we married and the trick for me as that I wanted to marry a Chinese lady that wanted to live in China when I retire in 2 years. We have a great old apartment that she owned when we married. Now we are making up our new place that will be where we live during every summer and after I retire. She loves China more then the USA and I agree with her. My best time of each year is the 10 weeks I spend in China with my Chinese friends.

February 22, 2010 at 02:56 AM

How much you give definitely depends on how well you know them. RMB 200 is usually the minimum amount as that basically covers the cost of the reception. I would also avoid giving odd-numbered amounts, which rules out 300 and 500. 400 is also no good, so basically at the low end you're either giving 200 or 600, or if you are really close, anywhere upwards of that. AUD$100 is about RMB 600 so it's definitely within the normal range. The other thing to keep in mind is that there is basically the expectation that the couple would give at least the same amount to you at your wedding, so giving a large amount can place an unwelcome burden on the receiver.

February 22, 2010 at 05:04 AM

The other thing to keep in mind is that there is basically the expectation that the couple would give at least the same amount to you at your wedding, so giving a large amount can place an unwelcome burden on the receiver.

Is that true? I have never heard of it.

Not sure about avoiding odd-numbered amounts either. In HK, it is ok to give HKD500. But it is true that when giving condolence money, people tend to give amounts such as 101, 501, etc.

I gave HKD 600 at the wedding of a colleague last month, Before that I gave HKD 500 at another ex-colleague's banquet, but it seemed to be too low as noboby I knew gave less than 600 and the banquet was held in a very decent restaurant, which was why I raised the amount last month.

February 22, 2010 at 05:16 AM

Is that true? I have never heard of it.

I've had several friends comment about it on both the giving and receiving side. I'm not sure how widespread it is, but it seemed to be a common perception. Perhaps it is more a mainland thing?

February 22, 2010 at 06:14 AM

I've had several friends comment about it on both the giving and receiving side. I'm not sure how widespread it is, but it seemed to be a common perception. Perhaps it is more a mainland thing?

It's true in Kunming.

February 22, 2010 at 03:02 PM

The other thing to keep in mind is that there is basically the expectation that the couple would give at least the same amount to you at your wedding, so giving a large amount can place an unwelcome burden on the receiver.

I don't know about the unwelcome burden, but the tradition of giving the same amount that someone gave you is true in Taiwan as well.

I've been to a few Taiwanese weddings, the amount of money in the hongbao depends on how well you know the couple. It was explained to me that it's important to give an amount with an even number, 2 and 6 being best, and certainly nothing with 4 in it. (So I gave 1200 or 1600 NT$, but the amount will be different in China.)

February 22, 2010 at 08:56 PM

I don't know about the unwelcome burden

It's only a "burden" if you give far more than appropriate.

February 23, 2010 at 11:30 AM

very helpful, thank you!

im thinking this might actually affect the amount as well... the reception is going to be held in a (relatively) swanky 5-star luxury hotel. so, as i will be attending with my bf, i was tentatively thinking a hong bao of 1000 RMB from the two of us. solves the odd-digit problem in any case!

interesting about the notion that it might place an unwelcome burden on the receiving couple. hmm, what's the best way to settle on a figure then?

February 23, 2010 at 12:22 PM

You could pick an auspicious number like 600 or 800, the larger one if you know them really well and like them a lot. I don't think either figure will lead to your being perceived as cheap.

February 23, 2010 at 02:51 PM

1000 RMB for two is very ok.

April 15, 2010 at 01:59 PM

I attend a wedding last year.

And I give 150 RMB!

100~200 is suitable!!

April 16, 2010 at 09:58 AM

I've been to 2 or 3 Chinese weddings (in China) and my parents usually gave around 2000-3000 RMB in one red packet (on behalf of 3 people). So I would suggest at least 500RMB if you're going alone, but 1000 RMB in my opinion is the best amount.