When is a brother not a brother...

[xianhua]

...when he's your cousin of course. A typical conversation may sound like this:

Me: Are you going anywhere this weekend?

Chinese friend: Yes, I'm going to see my brother in London.

Me: I didn't know you had a brother? I thought you were an only child?

CF: Yes, I am.

Me: Oh, right. So he isn't your brother?

CF: Yes. He is.

Me: Baffled expression. Do you have the same parents?

CF: No, not the same parents but our fathers are brothers.

Me: So, he's your cousin?

CF: Baffled expression

This seems quite common. I just wondered if it's the case that the English comes directly from the Chinese and cousins are often addressed as 哥哥／弟弟 etc?

I also wonder if this has perhaps become more common since the One Child Policy? In other words, many of the younger generation have no brother or sisters to speak of, so revert to calling cousins in this manner instead?

[taylor04]

In Chinese, people often call each other things other than their real names. 阿姨,小妹,大姐,大哥,小弟,爷爷,奶奶, etc. He probably just didn't know you can't do this in English. It doesn't have to be people that are related, I was even a couple Chinese kids 叔叔

[skylee]

There are two types of cousins. When their fathers are brothers, the cousins are 堂兄弟姐妹, they share the same surname, and they are regarded as brothers/sisters. The other type of cousins are 表兄弟姐妹 (ie those who are not 堂兄弟姐妹). Traditionally the latter is regarded as less close than the former. In HK, the former type of cousins cannot get married (not sure if it is the law but this is how I was taught). For the latter, there is no problem. (it's been discussed before. IIRC, in the Mainland, both are not allowed to get married.)

PS - This thread is somewhat relevant -> Marriage between cousins

Edited March 14, 2010 at 09:28 PM by skylee

[xianhua]

When their fathers are brothers, the cousins are 堂兄弟姐妹, they share the same surname, and they are regarded as brothers/sisters

Very interesting and insightful, thanks.

[Kenny同志]

I also wonder if this has perhaps become more common since the One Child Policy? In other words, many of the younger generation have no brother or sisters to speak of, so revert to calling cousins in this manner instead?

I don't think it is the One Child Policy. Many Chinese simply fail to distinguish between brother and cousin. That's probably because people are more comfortable addressing their cousins as 哥哥 弟弟 or 姐姐 妹妹 instead of 表哥表弟 堂兄堂弟 or 表姐表妹 堂姐堂妹 except when they are talking about them with another person. In fact, it is acceptable and more common to address your cousin, brother or sister by name if he or she is younger than you or of your age. Otherwise, it is unacceptable to do so.

Edited March 15, 2010 at 10:18 AM by kenny2006woo

[Lu]

This is quite common I think, and it's not really related to the one child policy. 堂兄弟姐妹 address each other as [name]兄/弟/姐/妹 in Taiwan as well.

Also think of the traditional Chinese household: 堂兄弟姐妹 would live in the same compound, basically growing up as brothers and sisters.

But yeah, to avoid baffled expressions it helps to learn that this cannot be done in English :-)

[Kenny同志]

That's probably because people are more comfortable addressing their brother(s) and sister(s) as

Oops, brother(s) and sister(s) should have been cousins.

[889]

What is a polite yet colloquial way of indicating that you're talking about your real brother, not your cousin?

[Kenny同志]

哥（哥哥）or 弟（弟弟）is OK. But you may as well use 同胞哥哥（弟弟）to avoid the possibility that someone takes it for your cousin.

If you are talking about you cousin you can use 表哥、表弟、表姐、表妹、堂哥、堂弟、堂姐、堂妹 instead of 哥哥 弟弟or 姐姐 妹妹 to prevent misunderstanding.

[Lu]

What is a polite yet colloquial way of indicating that you're talking about your real brother, not your cousin?

I've heard 親哥哥 etc used for that, but only as clarification afterwards.

[skylee]

I remember that actually I learnt the meaning of the English word "cousin" before I really learnt the meanings of 堂/表兄弟姐妹. I was a teenager and one day I mentioned a cousin to my mother calling him 表哥, and my mother scolded me, saying that the cousin was my 堂兄, my brother, not a 表哥. (But I was/am not close to any of my cousins, 堂 or 表.)

[valikor]

I've heard this plenty of times. It obviously happens with "cousins" (I don't know about all the different types that skylee mentioned), brothers and sisters-in-law, and sometimes close friends.

I guess the richness of the Chinese vocabulary for social relationships doesn't really translate into English, and even when a literal translation exists (like brother in law), they prefer to say brother. (this is a generalization, but it definitely happens sometimes)

[Brian US]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it socially acceptable to refer to close friends with a family title? I recall being younger in the states and told close family friends were an aunt/uncle.

[skylee]

I recall being younger in the states and told close family friends were an aunt/uncle.

Yes. Lots of aunties/uncles when you are young. I used to be a 姐姐 but now my peers tell their kids to call me 姨姨. I will be called a 婆婆 in a decade or so.

Also see taylor04's comment:

It doesn't have to be people that are related, I was even a couple Chinese kids 叔叔