Concerns About Cats??

[TIves]

Looking for a little help please!

I'm white and my wife is Chinese (originally from Beijing). I have four cats and she desperately wants me to get rid of them now that we want to have children. All of the cats have been tested (three different ways) for toxoplasmosis, and all tests came back negative. All four cats are rescues, raised since bottle feeding, are indoor only, and have been with me for 8 to 14 years. My wife and I have been together for four years, married two.

Despite the test for toxoplasmosis being negative, my wife still insists that I get rid of the cats. As far as I know, toxoplasmosis is the only legitimate physiological or pathological concern with cats. Whenever I try to inquire as to what the specific concern is she only says that I "don't understand" and that "Chinese people are physically different than white people" and that "no one in China ever lives with cats".

Can someone please tell me what her concerns are, either physiologically, spiritually, superstitiously, or in any other capacity? Also, do people in China ever have children while also having pets?

Thank you!!

Trip

[gato]

Chinese nowadays do have cats as pets. But four might be too many. Can you just live with just one?

[skylee]

Also, do people in China ever have children while also having pets?

Yes. My niece grew up with my old cat, which was years older than the girl.

"Chinese people are physically different than white people"

"no one in China ever lives with cats"

Not true. But she is your wife.

Can someone please tell me what her concerns are, either physiologically, spiritually, superstitiously, or in any other capacity?

How would anyone know what her concerns are? Talk to her. But people are not always logical, and there are things (likes/dislikes) that can't be explained.

[anonymoose]

Maybe you should try preparing 龙虎斗 for her.

[yonglin]

Can someone please tell me what her concerns are, either physiologically, spiritually, superstitiously, or in any other capacity?

Perhaps your wife just doesn't like cats?

Also, she might be worried that the potential baby (once s/he gets big enough) will scare a cat so that it becomes aggressive and hurt the baby?

[roddy]

Don't live with cats? Half the (female, at least) Chinese people I know seem to do nothing other than adopt stray cats, coo over said cat, attempt to find people to look after the cat when they go on holiday, and complain that their cat has gone missing (although given that it was a 'stray' in the first place, I suspect they've just gone home).

[gato]

Four cats is a bit excessive, though.

[Lu]

'You don't understand' is not a very helpful explanation as to why your wife doesn't want the cats in the home. I could understand if she's worried that the cats might hurt a future baby, but she should find a way to tell you that.

But in the end, if she had a problem with living with cats, she clearly married the wrong man. You've been adopting and deeply caring about cats for a whole lot longer than you've loved her, and while clearly some compromise has to be found (less cats/cats never allowed upstairs/in certain rooms), it appears widely unrealistic of her to expect you to get rid of the cats.

[Scoobyqueen]

I agree with Lu. Moreover, I find it unfair that she has not let you know prior to marrying.

[gato]

Now did your wife know you lived with 4 cats before you got married? Or was it a long-distance thing (i.e. a Skype relationship)?

[abcdefg]

Another mystery case for Dr. Phil. Something tells me the answer to this is not rooted in veterenary science.

[iolair]

I agree with Lu too. If this was going to be a concern, I really feel your wife ought to have mentioned it before you got married.

OK, my partner (no expert but from a fairly traditional mainland Chinese family) said he has no idea where he got this idea from, but that there is no way any of his friends or family would allow a pregnant woman anywhere near a dog or a cat. He says this is not a new belief, but it is not related to superstition either. It is because of some kind of 病毒 (virus?) on/in the animals. I assume it is the same one your cats have already been tested for.

Good luck!

[msittig]

Amazing how many posts this thread has, and hardly anyone answers the OP's question. Too much DTMFA.

> Can someone please tell me what her concerns are, either physiologically,

> spiritually, superstitiously, or in any other capacity?

It's a mixture of valid concern about 弓形虫, which must be toxoplasmosis, worries about other "germs" that cats have in their bodies, and superstition about cats being evil that is not exclusive to China and has a long history in the west as well.

> Also, do people in China ever have children while also having pets?

Just as this superstition has all but disappeared in the west, China is going through a period of social change where old superstitions are being challenged by science and modern medicine. A *lot* of people are still deathly afraid of putting animals and pregnant women or young children together, but also many young people are finding that things like 月子, the resting period following a birth, and getting rid of pets when they are ready to start a family, clash with the vision they have for themselves and their lifestyle. At that point, they start to research and find that there's other ways to do things, and they can start to experiment with their life. So having pets with children happens but only in cases where young people have the freedom and courage to break out of the habits they've been ingrained with since they were children.

I take it you are living abroad? In that case you will have a hard time getting your wife to compromise because she will try to hold on to her tradition and culture while she is in a foreign place. If she was back in China she might see other Chinese challenging these ideas and have the courage to do it as well.

There's no easy solution for you, I think. Since you're married, the best thing to do is try to understand each other, make concessions, and call it love.

More info:

怀孕 养猫 - Google Search

http://www.google.com/search?q=怀孕+养猫

宝宝被猫吓着，哭闹不止，怎么不止？是不是中邪了？_幼儿护理宝宝问题_PCbaby快问 -

http://k.pcbaby.com.cn/question/842421.html (maybe funny to us, but asker is earnest)

[abcdefg]

Can someone please tell me what her concerns are, either physiologically, spiritually, superstitiously, or in any other capacity?

He should be asking his wife this instead of asking us.

Amazing how many posts this thread has, and hardly anyone answers the OP's question.

If the Original Poster and his wife have been living together 4 years and still are not able to communicate well enough to work this out between them, I think it reflects a serious problem with the relationship.

I will bet you anything that this current issue has some unstated additional history.

Edited April 7, 2010 at 08:57 AM by abcdefg

[gato]

have been living together 4 years

It's "together" rather than "living together" in the original post, to be precise.

Agreed that this is probably more than just about cats. Plus it's more more fun to speculate wildly than to talk about ins and outs of toxoplasmosis.

[Lu]

Amazing how many posts this thread has, and hardly anyone answers the OP's question.

That's because we're not the ones who should be answering the question in the first place. The OP's wife is. If someone asks how much a visa for China costs, we'll also refer them to their local embassy, who can answer that question best.

[abcdefg]

Plus it's more more fun to speculate wildly than to talk about ins and outs of toxoplasmosis.

On January 12, 2009 at 8:35 p.m. I happen to have been a fly on their wall and heard Tives said to Hong Mei, "Baby, I've told you before and I'm telling you again, that it's "love me; love my cats," as he fed the new adoptee milk from a baby bottle.

"Well, maybe so" Hong Mei said, "but why did you just adopt that fourth one without even talking to me about it? It’s coming down to a choice of me or those damn cats, and furthermore my mother and father back in Beijing agree with me. My sister too. I know we send them lots of money every month, but they still are suggesting I come home and find a better husband. One who isn't interested in starting a home zoo. As if the cats are not enough, I just can't believe you must have pythons and rats too.

"You know I don't give a flip what those backwards peasants thing. We've been through all that before. You are in America now, Baby, and you damn well better do as Americans do and set aside all that backward primitive superstition you've been clinging to for your first 23 years of life. And furthermore I definitely know all about the monthly money for dear old mom and dad. It's totally insane, but I went along after you stopped cooking my meals and began refusing sex.

"The hell you say! China is an ancient civilization and its customs are founded on thousands of years of sound tradition." Let's just get a divorce, I can't stand this anymore; it’s giving me a headache and an ulcer. And to think I was considering having a child with an insensitive, inconsiderate oaf like you. What a huge mistake that would have been.”

"Stop crying and smashing the dishes on the floor, Baby. I bought all that shit at Wal-Mart less than two years ago. Do you think we are made of money, for Christ sake?

"I have an idea. Let's ask those people on Chinese Forums, they know everything. We will find out once and for all what to do, but I can tell you up front that they are going to side with me and say I am right and you are severely unenlightened as well as partially retarded. And if not, I will bloody well ignore them because sometimes they do get it wrong. If you really, really loved me you would understand. I can’t believe you are being so selfish and immature about all this."

The drama fades to dark pastels and browns as the commercials begin. .

[skylee]

"Well, maybe so" Hong Mei said, "but why did you just adopt that fourth one without even talking to me about it?

But the newest has been there for 8 years and Hong Mei has been with Tives for 4 years only. Loophole.

[Lu]

"Well, maybe so" Hong Mei said, "but why did you just adopt that fourth one without even talking to me about it?

But the newest has been there for 8 years and Hong Mei has been with Tives for 4 years only. Loophole.

Doesn't that just prove that he really didn't talk to her about it? :-p

[skylee]

Lu, you are right.