misunderstanding Chinese politeness

[Leko]

Hi,

I'm working on a seminary paper for university, that deals with cases in which Westerners misunderstand Chinese people because of cultural/linguistic disparities.

I'm looking for real-life examples, specifically for cases in which Chinese people say "Yes" when they actually mean "No", or vice versa.

One good example of what I'm looking for:

A Chinese man who lives in Israel has applied for a job as an English-Chinese translator. When the office called him up to do a telephone interview, they asked him how was his English and how were his translation skills. In order to be polite and appear modest, he replied that his English was "OK" and that his translation skills are all right, but they could be better. The office understood this literally, and he didn't get the job, although his English was excellent and he was a proficient translator.

Now: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - provide me with more real-life examples such as this one, I'd especially appreciate it if you have any personal experiences you could share!

Also, if you know of any websites/blogs that have similar examples, i'd be forever grateful.

Thanks!

[Scoobyqueen]

I have posted quite few observations on these forum about some cultural differences I have observed in my professional life. However, I cannot relate to the example you give. In fact I have experienced the opposite. Many of my guanxi friends overestimate what they are capable of or underestimate what is required if it has to do with my business area. I work in a specialised sector where experience in this particular field is essential. This hasnt stopped many people saying they can easily help me out or asking if the can be my local partner despite having no experience in this field. This could be down to the guanxi relationship ie that you are allowed to exaggerate your own abilities.

Maybe it is different if you just apply for a job and do not know the other person where guanxi is not involved. I do seem to remember someone telling me at interviews you have to be careful that you do not focus on yourself too much. Perhaps some others can comment on your specific example.

Thanks for posting. It is indeed an interesting topic.

[wendywendy]

I have been reading a book "doing culture" by an American lady who teaches English in Nanjing University. It might help you a lot. Many typical examples.

[doraemon]

I've always been told by my teachers that when you go looking for a job (especially in a western country) you should have no reservations about bragging of your talents. Even if you don't have any, make it sound like you do. That's the only way you'll only have a chance of being considered, let alone getting the job.

Anyway, I remember my parents inviting a few western friends over for dinner and they cooked an entire table to dishes and the friends were like "you've gone into so much trouble making all these dishes". But my parents replied something like "No, no, there's not many at all. It's very simple " and their friends actually took this literally and looked so bewildered and perplexed. I guess they were thinking something like "if this is considered few, then how much do Chinese people eat?" LOL. :o

[parasite]

Sorry I can't call to mind any SPECIFIC detailed instance, but I recommend you look into the topic of instructing others. I always felt pretty pissed when Chinese people would explain to me how to do something, they talk in a very condescending (from an American viewpoint) manner as if you are a baby or mental retard. Once the janitor in my apartment complex had to come up to unclog my toilet. He yelled at me for clogging it, saying I needed to throw all paper in a trash bag instead of flushing it (disgusting!), all the while addressing me as if I was his 5 year old child. I thought it was all because I was a foreigner, but later observed many instance of Chinese addressing each other in the same manner and the person being condescendingly address not appearing to be angry at all.

BTW, I agree strongly with the other posters. I find it incredible that a Chinese guy tried to be humble and underestimated his abilities. I had a Huaqiao friend observe me act humbly and tell me "You really don't understand Chinese culture, I see. You'd better start boasting like the rest of them or they'll walk all over you." A coworker told me the same about getting ahead when he told me that on his self-evaluation sheet for the year he gave himself nearly perfect scores for everything. (I gave myself several B's and C's)

[doraemon]

I always felt pretty pissed when Chinese people would explain to me how to do something, they talk in a very condescending (from an American viewpoint) manner as if you are a baby or mental retard. Once the janitor in my apartment complex had to come up to unclog my toilet. He yelled at me for clogging it, saying I needed to throw all paper in a trash bag instead of flushing it (disgusting!), all the while addressing me as if I was his 5 year old child. I thought it was all because I was a foreigner, but later observed many instance of Chinese addressing each other in the same manner and the person being condescendingly address not appearing to be angry at all.

Yeah, they can sometimes be like that when they're trying to explain something to you, but I'm sure they mean well.

BTW, I've always been told to throw my toilet paper into a bin because that way it won't clog the toilet, but I just flush it down anyway. B)

[Brandon263]

I agree with the yuckiness of the toilet paper stuff. WTF is up with (admittedly some) Chinese people and not flushing toilet paper? I was told by my host family in Hong Kong not to flush down toilet paper. Luckily, they gave me an en suite room and I flushed it down anyway. WTF?!!!

[renzhe]

This is because many houses have older, smaller pipes, and the paper clogs the toilets far more often than it does elsewhere. It's less of a problem in new buildings. I think that everyone who has spent any time in China will have had to deal with the clogged toilet at some point.

It's not an issue with some Chinese people, it's an issue with most Chinese buildings.

[Zomac]

I was told by my host family in Hong Kong not to flush down toilet paper. Luckily, they gave me an en suite room and I flushed it down anyway. WTF?!!!

In hong kong, your host family has an en suite for you but their pipes are so old that can't handle toilet paper. That's interesting.

[xiaocai]

I have posted quite few observations on these forum about some cultural differences I have observed in my professional life. However, I cannot relate to the example you give. In fact I have experienced the opposite.

Maybe they were taught to do so when dealing with people of western cultural background? I was in one seminar I attended as well. Clearly after reading this thread I think generalisation should be avoided as much as possible, from both sides...

[Brandon263]

Are pipes the only reason they'd tell you to trash toilet paper? My host family had flats in a pretty newish building in Kowloon. I doubt they didn't have money to repair old pipes; they had one of those electronic massage chairs in my room.

Anyway, I do support the above messages about not generalizing. All other Chinese families I've stayed with never expressed any qualms about flushing toilet paper!

[renzhe]

I'm pretty sure that it's not out of love for toilet paper. Chinese students in Europe flush the toilet paper just fine

[YingTao]

I think the whole being humble thing is more a Japanese thing. All the Chinese I know aren't close to being humble.

[wushijiao]

I think questions of culture and politeness is an interesting topic.

With that said, I think one can go too far. I'd highly recommend the book "Poorly Made in China", which is about an American guy working in the manufacturing sector in the 90's and early 2000's. One of the points of the book is that many Westerners doing business in China were actually overly worried about cultural sensitivity issues, and they spent a lot of time worrying about handshakes, drinking baijiu, not appearing rude, which gifts to buy...etc. Their Chinese counterparts sometimes took this as a sign of weakness, or at other times, they simply were concerned about business and they saw these peripheral issues as less important. So, that could be another angle for the paper.