Chinese Gender Roles

[fanglu]

It's not that Chinese people have a monopoly on tolerance of domestic violence.

From experience in Australia, the response of most men on witnessing domestic abuse (admittedly more often other forms of abuse than physical violence, like constant put downs) is embarrassed silence. I think the number of people who would call the police on a friend would probably be quite low, particularly if they see it as 'mild' physical abuse.

Having said that, I do think China has a more forgiving attitude to domestic violence than Australia. I've never actually seen anything on the street, but its not really where this kind of thing goes on I presume. I remember a newspaper article we read in class about a supposed English government policy to report perpetrators of domestic violence on the internet that had a sentence like 打老婆是别的人的家务事，人们通常不会过问，但是英国政府却偏偏管得宽, which seems to imply that beating your wife is a private issue and its strange that the government would get involved.

Also I saw this weird stage performance on the tv on a long distance bus the other day where a husband often beat and mistreated his wife. He later ran off with his secretary who cheated him of all his money. Following which he came back to his wife and apologised and his wife was really happy that he'd come back. From my perspective the husband probably should have been in gaol, not being welcomed back by his forgiving wife, but everyone else seemed to be very moved by it.

[outcast]

So are you talking more like 51% or more like 80-90%? (Bearing in mind every 1% is approximately 6.5 million men).

Probably towards the upper end. In case you are unconvinced of why the beater apologists and sympathizers are part of the problem, I will cite the following example:

In one extreme case, a wife was constantly abused physically during her twenty years of marriage, suffering injuries a total of thirty-four times, sixteen of which were supported by hospital records. She suffered two broken ribs, seriously impaired eyesight, dizziness and brain concussion, and had ultimately lost her employability when she found the courage to bring her abusive husband to the county court. The county court heard the evidence and accepted proof of ten instances of physical abuse and battering. The court, however, refused to find the defendant guilty of a crime of mistreating family members based on the reasoning that ten instances of battering over a period of twenty years cannot be characterized as occurring with high frequency an essential element of the crime. What is more ridiculous is the judges' reasoning the defendant had no intention to mistreat the victim, since each instance of violence occurred with good cause. These so-called good causes were that the wife was not obedient to her husband regarding trivial family matters on various occasions.

source

This is a prime example of the damage such apologists can do to justice. If your friends even have the same attitude as that judge, even if they don't mistreat girls/women themselves they are still part of the problem. That article is also loaded with many other examples that, while many are not as extreme as this, still have exactly the same problem with exactly the same results. It is their obstruction of justice for the sake of maintaining backwardness that makes them evil as well; guilt by accessory.

[fieztin]

Nianghao all!!! I am a 21 year old guy in California USA in finance market who came across a chinese [not asian american but actual chinese] girl who was having difficulty with getting her shopping done on a self checkout machine. Being from conservative backgrounds myself where man is head I asked her [are u haveing some trouble woman?]. Normally white girls are very rude back when asked this but she was extremly grateful for my help. I asked her to stand aside while I checked, again no problems! I can't wait to marry chinese girl as they remind me of my family because we are raised with traditional greek values but USA greek girls are very useless. So is this a onetime expectation or am I sensing right about asian culture?

[BrandeX]

So you like a woman who "knows her place"? That's too bad the greek women are to keen to this social issue for you. Perhaps you will indeed have more luck (unfortunately) with a recent asian immigrant.

[Lu]

Maybe next time, try being polite: address her as 'miss' instead of 'woman', for starters. Unless your traditional Greek values don't allow such a thing, of course.

[fieztin]

Brande and Lu, didn't mean to offend you!!! I admire traditional women and unforuntately even in Greece they are harder now to find, especially good wives. This chinese girl was very ladylike without any arrogance if you now what I mean. Lovely if all Chinese girls are like this.

[Lu]

I understand that you like traditional women, but most women in developed countries nowadays are not traditional in the sense you like. You probably regret that development, and I can understand that (although I disagree), but despite that I think you should be polite to people, even if they are non-traditional women. Adressing a woman as 'hey, woman' is inpolite, and I hope you understand that mostly any woman would be annoyed with you, even if otherwise they might appreciate your help.

Good luck finding a 'good wife'. Treat her well if you find her.

[fieztin]

Calling a woman by woman is maybe impolite but greater concern is her attitude if someone calls her that. Any women who wants absolute equallity is unfit and for sure a problem in marriage. I'm not here to debate women's right with you because that is personal opinions. Chinese girls seems sincere, very good to see them show respect without demands. All of them are like this? Definitely want one!!

[renzhe]

I think that you'll be disappointed.

What you're looking for doesn't really exist today, and that's a good thing. If you ever find a woman who acts like you expect in marriage, I suspect it will be a very unhappy woman.

[outcast]

Calling a woman by woman is maybe impolite but greater concern is her attitude if someone calls her that. Any women who wants absolute equallity is unfit and for sure a problem in marriage. I'm not here to debate women's right with you because that is personal opinions. Chinese girls seems sincere, very good to see them show respect without demands. All of them are like this? Definitely want one!!

Here is what will probably happen: You'll meet one who will pretend to be this way, until of course she gets her green card (or equivalent) then she will divorce you, and leave you festering in the hole you dug for yourself. And you want to know what? For having such 19th century attitudes you certainly would deserve it.

Btw, I'd recommend Shanghai girls, they REALLY know their place

[gerri]

Frankly: This used to be such an interesting thread. Or at least, a thread that would have been interesting.

Who let the trolls out?

There's how many million Chinese women?... Sure, they are all gonna be "like that". And I bet all the men of so-and-so descent are like that, too? Come on...

[HashiriKata]

There's how many million Chinese women?... Sure, they are all gonna be "like that". And I bet all the men of so-and-so descent are like that, too? Come on...

You seem to have enough spare time to respond to posts "like that". So enviable!

[fieztin]

Enlightning replies, thanks to all. It is a shame though that even in China ((if what you say is true)) the traditional marriages is gone. A guy working within my department is from Shanxi and says Chinese girls still give much respect to their husband and relatives. I think maybe comparison has to be made with western girls. If anyone here have dated western women and Chinese his opinion would be enlightning!!

[Lu]

Calling a woman by woman is maybe impolite but greater concern is her attitude if someone calls her that.

If you are impolite, that is your fault, and you cannot blame others if they don't like it. If a woman has an attitude you don't like, you're free to stay away from her, not date her, not marry her, etc. But if you do encounter her, you still have to be polite. Your impoliteness=your fault, her attitude=nothing to do with you, so none of your business.

(Of course, if you can't find a woman you like because most women have an attitude you don't like, that is a problem for you. But it's not one that can be solved by blaming the women for their attitude, as their outlook on life is their own business, not yours.)

Btw you are debating women's rights with me. If you don't want to do that, you shouldn't have started this discussion.

[fieztin]

If you are impolite, that is your fault, and you cannot blame others if they don't like it. If a woman has an attitude you don't like, you're free to stay away from her, not date her, not marry her, etc. But if you do encounter her, you still have to be polite. Your impoliteness=your fault, her attitude=nothing to do with you, so none of your business.

(Of course, if you can't find a woman you like because most women have an attitude you don't like, that is a problem for you. But it's not one that can be solved by blaming the women for their attitude, as their outlook on life is their own business, not yours.)

Btw you are debating women's rights with me. If you don't want to do that, you shouldn't have started this discussion.

Hi Lu it's obvious we will not agree on this. I have no issue with treating white girls with disrespect since they show none to begin with. As for calling woman a woman, if very offensive to her then she obviously has no respect for men and thinks she is equal in all ways which leads to bad attitudes formed. In Astrokos, Greece we would have thrown such girls out of houses. Some people still do. Traditional Chinese and Greek cultures seems very same in this manner. If you have orthodox Greek friends ask them. I won't be talking with you on this topic again as it is goes nowhere but with others of course I will. You keep on being loyal to women's rights. I'll be loyal to my culture.

[gougou]

I have no issue with treating white girls with disrespect since they show none to begin with.

What if we all think like that? Somebody has to make a start, you know?

I found that, with boys and girls alike, if you treat somebody with respect, you're much more likely to be treated with respect in return.

[fieztin]

What if we all think like that? Somebody has to make a start, you know?

I found that, with boys and girls alike, if you treat somebody with respect, you're much more likely to be treated with respect in return.

Hi maybe your from China so not aware but western women have no concept of normal marriage. Of course yes there is a lot of useless men here too but in general, western girls are rude, selfish because they are indoctrinated with idea of gender versus gender since they are born. This leads to bad attitude as loyalty to their husbands is repulsive ideas to them. I am US born so, familiar of what goes here and it is very unfortunate.

[gougou]

western women have no concept of normal marriage.

So what would "normal marriage" be?

By the way, I'm European.

[BrandeX]

As for calling woman a woman, if very offensive to her then she obviously has no respect for men and thinks she is equal in all ways which leads to bad attitudes formed.

You're a real gem, aren't you?

[renzhe]

The guy is obviously a troll, I wouldn't bother.