Blown chance at playing out language fantasy

[Mugi]

Although not humorous at all, my story dates back about 15 years ago to when I was studying in Guangzhou for a year.

A friend from home came to visit just before Chinese New Year. She wanted to see some "postcard" scenery so we decided to try and make it up to Yangshuo/Guilin. A couple of other people in the dorm were interested too, so four of us got on a boat to Wuzhou. On the boat we ran into a group of about a dozen American tourists with the same idea. Knowing that all regular transport from Wuzhou to Yangshuo would already be on holiday (we were scheduled to arrive in Wuzhou on the morning of NY Eve), I figured we would have a better chance of finding a ride if we bargained collectively.

So once we arrived at WZ, we decided on a collective budget (about 2000 RMB, I think - significantly more that what it would have cost us at the time if regular transport were running) before a student who had befriended us on the boat took me to the long-distance bus terminal where I found a bunch of drivers lounging about. I explained our situation (in Mandarin), excluding our budget, and asked if anyone would be prepared to take us on the 8hr? trip. I got the expected reply that with it being NY Eve, no-one was interested. At which point the student tried to convince me that it was hopeless as no Chinese in their right mind would want to be away from their family for Chinese New Year. I thought I knew better and would be able to talk someone into taking us, so asked the student to show some of the girls in our group where the toilets were or something. After a bit of pleading with the drivers, they starting talking amongst themselves. I was surprised to discover that the local dialect was almost identical to standard Cantonese and that I could understand almost all of what they were saying.

Anyway, after a while the spokesperson for the drivers announced in Mandarin that they could do it for 5000 RMB. What he didn't know is that I had heard one of the drivers say in Cantonese that he would do it for as low as 1000 RMB. I continued to negotiate in Mandarin for about 20 min until I had got the price down to 1500 RMB, at which point I decided to give up and settle. Of course I never let on that I could understand what they were saying (partially so that they wouldn't lose face, but more out of fear that they would change their minds out of spite and we would be stranded in Wuzhou).

Needless to say, it was quite enjoyable being able to negotiate from a position of distinct advantage, and of course settling on a price lower than our budget impressed the American tourists in particular. But the most satisfying thing was proving the young university student wrong. He was very gracious in defeat though, and treated me a bowl of noodles!

[anonymoose]

The other funny ones are when a little kid, usually about 4 or 5 years old, points directly at you and shouts out wai guo ren. The parent turns to look, and you look straight back. Can be a bit awkward for the parent.

[xiaojiang216]

Ah, this reminds me of when I went to a 饺子馆 by myself for dinner. There were so many different kinds of 馅儿 to choose from, so I said to the woman waiting for me to order that I may take a few minutes to decide. After she left, I noticed that two women at the table to my left were talking about me. I didn't want to say anything right away to make it extra fun.

When my 饺子 arrived, I kind of forgot about the people talking about me because the dumplings looked so tasty. But once I started eating, I noticed that one of them said "不是，是韭菜鸡蛋！“ That was the kind of dumplings I had ordered, so I knew that they were talking about me again....

So I turned my head and looked at them. The woman who was talking about me slapped her hand over her mouth in embarassment and her friend started laughing. I started laughing, waved, and said "一起吃吧！” They were really embarassed and didn't stick around for much longer.

Although the meal was a little bit more expensive than I expected, it was sure worth the trip!

[roddy]

I think this fits, and it's too cute not to post somewhere . .

Was walking past a tour group yesterday, little girl in the group gives me a bit of a stare and when they're a bit past I hear her saying something I can't make out, but that I was willing to wager was about foreigners.

My suspicions were confirmed quite quickly when the guide told her 外国人也觉得我们都长得很奇怪。Forgetting that she was still plugged in to her megaphone . . .

[FaustianSlip]

I just had something like this happen at Taipei 101, but in reverse. A group of us (foreigners and Taiwanese) were crammed into one of the elevators with a big group of Japanese guys. Our group leader was motioning the last couple of people to squeeze in and says (in Mandarin), "Come on in, guys- they're all Japanese, they won't mind being crowded. Actually, they like it!" Cue one of the Japanese guys glancing over at her with an expression indicating that he'd clearly understood, at which point she gets kind of sheepish and says, "Uh... sorry."

The funny part was when the Japanese guy translated for his friends, one of whom cheerfully says, "Well, she's right!" Good times....

I've had some similarly funny experiences freaking out random Japanese people with my (rudimentary) Japanese abilities. Got talking to a couple in a Beatles shop in Liverpool once, and after they got over their initial shock of some random gaijin speaking Japanese, it turned out they were from very near where I had lived in Japan, and one of their cousins actually lived in my old town. Small world!

[边斌同学]

My favorites from this past year (my first in China):

Two girls walking behind me:

"You talk to him" "No, you talk to him" "My English sucks, I don't know what to say" "Mine is worse!"

"Don't worry about it, I can speak Chinese!"

(Actually got numbers from this one)

Me and my mom are in the hotel elevator, a group of middle-aged men get on:

"So...you think they're lovers?"

"That's my Mom!" (noticeably aghast)

"Oh..sorry" (now in English, haha)

Random passerby: "Wow, foreigners sure are good looking." (No response, as he said it after he already passed me)

Little kid to his mother: "Mommy, is he a Chinese person?" (His exact words were 中国籍)

Mom: "废话" (White skin and blue eyes kinda gave that one away)

Gangsterish-looking guy and girl on the city bus late at night:

Girl: "Wow, I wish I could find a foreign boyfriend"

Guy: "Are you sure you can handle him? Look at the size of his nose!" (many Chinese believe the nose is in direct proportion to the...lower nose)