What are some rules of thumb for good writing?

[ma3zi1]

In English I know of a couple quick and dirty pieces of advise to improve one's writing, for example:

1) Limit the use of simple verbs (e.g. to be, to have)

2) Try to write in active voice (#1 sort of forces you to do that)

3) Vary word choice especially when linking phrases (e.g. moreover, furthermore, etc.)

4) Vary sentence length according to emphasis (ex: use short sentences to emphasize a point, and long sentences to expound on a topic)

What tips are there for good Chinese writing? Here are my guesses:

A）Vary use of connecting words (譬如：然而，不过，而且,…)

B）Remove unnecessary 的's (譬如：小狗的牙齿的颜色不白 -> 小狗牙齿的颜色不白)

C）Try to describe things with a combination of four characters (e.g. by putting two similar 2-character adjectives next to each other)

Are these guesses accurate? What kinds of things should I be paying attention to in order to improve my writing?

(I can provide writing samples if it is helpful, please let me know)

[ma3zi1]

Okay, let's make this more interesting, below is a writing sample of mine. Feel free to rend it asunder with your criticisms:

若我被邀請準備一個關於中國歷史上朝代的演講，那我會選清朝當我的題目。一聽這句話，有人肯定會說：「為甚麼挑選清朝呢？它是中國歷史上最無能軟弱、最不值一文的朝代。」儘管我不要辯駁這樣的概念，我還覺得它特別值得研究。為甚麼呢？就是因為清朝實際上對我們現在看到的中國有最大的影響，若非它懦弱的對外政策，或它更懦弱的君主們，那現代的中國會有甚麼景象？這個我們無法知道，不過藉由研究清朝，人們可能瞭解現代的中國怎麼會成為我們現在看到的兩個國家：中國人民共和國與臺灣。

(My preemptive apologies if the material is a little controversial, but perhaps that will make this exercise more fun?)

[skylee]

I am not sure if a lot of people think the Qing Dynasty was the most worthless dynasty. I think it was not weak before 1800, and the country expanded. And the last sentence is not funny in my opinion. (Plus if you need to include PRC and ROC like that, the names should be equal.)

I think a piece of good writing should take into account what and who it is for. For instance, the way to write an academic paper is not the same as that for a novel. The tone, the words used and the style can be very different. But this is not unique to Chinese writing. What you have not listed is the use of references/chengyus, which is usually appreciated when appropriately applied. They make a huge difference.

[gato]

Maybe we can start with a "model" piece of writing and discuss what we can learn from it. See this article below from 刘瑜, a popular essayist who often writes about politics from a personal and accessible perspective. Her last book 《民主的细节》 was a best seller. This one is about China and the West, and the so-called "China Model".

I agree with skylee that some standards of good writing (like clarity, vivid language, humor), will be applicable to any language. But we can try to concentrate on what might be special to Chinese, at least from a learner's perspective.

http://www.chinaelections.org/NewsInfo.asp?NewsID=192329

肩负自由的疲惫

作者：刘瑜

来源：《新世纪》周刊2010年第46期

　　正是民众对政府的不信任，在把这个政府改造得越来越值得信任。换句话说，民众对政府一定的不信任，恰恰成了政治健康的表现

　　两年前刚当选时，奥巴马是美国人民——不，世界人民——的奥特曼 (Ultraman)。大家都期待着他能从“怪兽”布什手中拯救美国。然而，近70%的支持率，两年之后，滑到了43%。当年他对着如痴如醉的民众高呼：Yes, we can。今天，美国失业率居高不下、反恐战争久拖不决，民众无精打采地看着他说：No, you can't。

　　遭遇支持率危机的，不仅仅是奥巴马。日本菅直人内阁的支持率据说在11月初再创新低，只剩27%，而法国萨科奇的支持率最近就一直停留在25%。其他民主国家或地区也好不到哪里去。在这场角逐“最不受欢迎领袖”的激烈“竞赛”中，没有最衰，只有更衰。

　　相比之下，另一些国家的领导人则惬意得多。比如，全国只剩一家反对派报纸的俄罗斯，普京的支持率就高达77%;公共权力已被逐渐个人化的委内瑞拉，查韦斯的支持率稳定在60%左右。

　　这是不是说明，西式民主制度已经日落西山，而俄罗斯模式或者查韦斯模式在蒸蒸日上呢?如果西方政府动辄陷入合法性危机，我们有什么必要紧赶慢赶去跳这火坑呢?据一项调查，在美国，表示“非常信任政府”的民众已从1966年的42%降至2000年的14%，“非常信任国会”的民众从42%降至13%。同一趋势也出现在几乎所有其他发达国家，而且一年四季都在“民怨沸腾”。

　　没有掉入这个政治陷阱，我们简直应该弹冠相庆。

　　但，有没有一种可能，在一个地方，人们觉得刘嘉玲不够美，是因为他们把李嘉欣作为衡量标准，而在另一个地方，人们觉得凤姐很美，是因为他们把小月月作为衡量标准?就是说，是衡量标准的不同，导致人们形成错觉：“凤姐要美过刘嘉玲。”至于为什么有些地方用李嘉欣作为衡量标准，有些地方用小月月做标准，有一种东西叫做“意识形态”，某些意识形态告诉民众“政府仅仅是民众的雇员”，而另一些意识形态则教导我们，“你都有裤子穿了，还不赶紧感谢政府。”

　　政治学里有一个词叫“批判性公民”。根据这个理论，随着一个国家经济社会发展，民众权利和尊严意识提高，他们会变得越来越饶舌。这些饶舌民众的基本特点是：大惊小怪、小题大做、不依不饶、一哭二闹三上吊。什么?法定退休年龄从60岁升到62岁?岂有此理，游行去。燃油税要涨7毛钱?天理难容，抗议去。政府要砍掉一半的大学生助学金?欺人太甚，扔臭鸡蛋去。

　　罗素说，所谓民主，就是选一个人上去挨骂。

　　所以在一个真正的民主社会当政治家，简直就是活雷锋。“忘恩负义”的批判性民众，看到的永远是你做错了什么，而不是你做对了什么。奥巴马为刺激经济，辛辛苦苦减了1000多亿美元的税，结果调查显示，只有不到十分之一的美国人意识到他们被减了税。相比之下，他要给5%的高收入者加税，火星人都赶来抗议。好莱坞明星朝三暮四那叫风流倜傥，放在政治家身上那叫不要脸。经济学家没有预测出经济危机那叫谨言慎行，放在政治家身上那叫蠢货。CEO们用股东的钱吃香喝辣那叫商业拓展，政治家哪怕旅行借住富豪朋友的别墅都可以是惊人丑闻。

　　但同时，正是“批判性公民”的警觉，在推动政府完善公共服务。正是民众对政府的不信任，在把这个政府改造得越来越值得信任。这也是为什么在民主国家，民众对政治机构的不信任日渐加深，但这些国家民主制度的质量都稳居前列。换句话说，民众对政府一定的不信任恰恰成了政治健康的表现。

　　不幸的当然是奥巴马们。他们每天被群众雪亮的目光翻来覆去地烧烤，做错一件事就随时可能把做对的九十九件事给一笔勾销。但“试图享受自由的人，必须承受肩负自由的疲惫”。

　　当然，如果权力的本意是“当官”，是吃住可以报销，出门前呼后拥，那么批判性公民确实招人讨厌。我不知道与“批判性公民”相对的叫什么，也许可以叫做“给力型公民”。他们永远心怀感恩面带微笑，有人喊“狼来了”，他们心怀感恩面带微笑;面对一地的羊骨头，他们还是心怀感恩面带微笑。也是他们说，现代社会的一切问题其实都只是“心态问题”。

[ma3zi1]

And the last sentence is not funny in my opinion.

It was not meant to be. So was there something about the way the Chinese was written that made it seem facetious? I'm curious to know on an intellectual basis.

(Or, perhaps you were referring to the parenthetical last sentence in English?)

Plus if you need to include PRC and ROC like that, the names should be equal.

That all rests on whether you consider 中華民國 to be equivalent to 臺灣. Officially, that is the stance 國民黨 takes, but the Taiwan centennial this year is not recognized by those who feel that present day Taiwan is not equivalent to the 1911 ROC.

I think a piece of good writing should take into account what and who it is for.

Very good point.

What you have not listed is the use of references/chengyus, which is usually appreciated when appropriately applied. They make a huge difference.

That is a fantastic piece of advice! Could you give examples of what you mean by references though? Are you talking about literary and poetic allusions or more like 諺語？

[gato]

刘瑜's writing seems heavily influenced by English. The language is close to the spoken. There are many transition words like "但同时" ("but at the same time"), "当然" ("of course"), "所以" ("therefore"), "不幸的是" ("unfortunately"), that are quite the norm in English. Such transitional words were less common in older pre-1949-style Chinese writing. The older style of Chinese writing takes classical Chinese rather than spoken Chinese as the model. The language is more compact. The transition from phrase to phrase more implicit than explicit. There is also more of a emphasis on the rhythm and rhyme of the language.

I see 董桥, a famous Hong Kong writer, as following that tradition. He's a regular columnist for Fruit Daily, skylee's favorite paper. Below is a short essay of his, which you can compare with 刘瑜's above.

http://www.wenhuacn.com/wenxue/xd_sanwen/dongqiao/58.htm

文章似酒

董桥

　　春节前两天，收到伦郭书商寄来V．S．Pritchett的新文集A Man of Lettrs，灯下翻读，满心喜悦。我近年爱读Pritchett的文字，短篇小说固然醇美，散文小品更都有学有识有情，这次读他的书中自序，尤其倾倒。他慨叹英美文学传统中的"文人"过去深受敬重，而今世风变了，文人真笔真墨慢慢凋零，只剩最后寥寥几个在应景而已。他们大半没有风靡读者，不教书，也算不得是学人，只管给一些幸免关门的报刊写文章疗饥。这些人既不作兴辅陈高论，反而一心维护文化的静观价值。到了映象科技教条统领天下之际，难免又分外关怀文字的命运，相信朵斯托耶夫斯基"人生不沾艺术等如虚度"之说。传统文人下笔不能自休，每每在月刊季刊上一写洋洋几十页；今日文人福薄，所思所感只合化为几栏文字，多了人家嫌长：二次大战初期，英国纸张限量配给，有期刊请Pritchett撰文介绍通俗书，短短一千八百五十字，结果还是删去五十字。机缘如此，文人操觚便不得不借助引喻，讲求简洁；数十年训练下来，文章越练越短，终成风格！

　　我不难领会Pritchett这番心境，读后整个春节竟过得很踏实。等到初五，我又意外收到刘大任从纽约寄来的《秋阳似酒》，那份喜悦也盈然注满心头。我非常喜欢刘大任这批袖珍小说，一年前他寄第一篇《鹤顶红》给我发表的时候，我一读再读，觉得小说写到这样简洁这样深远，真可以当诗下酒了，难怪杨牧点出"当年刘大任的诗勾划着小说的情节，如今他的小说为我们兑现了诗的承诺"。大任说他平生不太能忍受官僚巨贾的肥胖肚子和女人的虎背熊腰以及半生不熟的"划时代"文体和自以为是的滔滔雄辩，下笔于是不惜削、删、减、缩；真是妙喻。

　　爱读Pritchett，爱读刘大任，无非因为他们是真能在愚蠢的大时代里闪耀出智慧小火花的文人。当今文章粗糙浮浅成风，读到这些又绵密又隽永的作品，终于教人想起伦敦法学协会内殿中殿里天天早晚照料一百○二盏煤气灯的那位老头。伦敦城里听说还有一千四百盏煤气街灯，大都装上时间控制器自动燃熄，只有法学协会殿内这一百○二盏是靠那老头天黑之前一盏一盏的点、天亮之后又一盏一盏的熄的，每巡总要花上一个半钟头。时代那么新，方法那么旧，想来也是为了应景：刘大任这些文人总算寂寞了，说也堪惊！

[ma3zi1]

刘瑜's writing seems heavily influenced by English. The language is close to the spoken. There are many transition words like "但同时" ("but at the same time"), "当然" ("of course"), "所以" ("therefore"), "不幸的是" ("unfortunately"), that are quite the norm in English.

As a native English speaker, this sort of writing appeals to me more. Actually, the impetus for this post was that a Chinese colleague of mine criticized my writing for being heavily Anglicized. She originally attributed it to her misconception that I would normally be thinking in English. However, when I explained that I usually think in Chinese if I'm working in Chinese, she just figured my whole psyche has been corrupted by the more deeply ingrained English thought patterns in my linguistic cortex.

This led us into a conversation about how my Chinese has been heavily influenced by Taiwanese Mandarin. I made the argument that Taiwanese Mandarin uses a lot of English words colloquially, so it may have received a larger portion of English-influence. Anyway, I noted that most of our Taiwanese colleagues never mentioned anything about my Chinese being Anglicized, just that my word usage was incorrect in certain places.

The older style of Chinese writing takes classical Chinese rather than spoken Chinese as the model. The language is more compact. The transition from phrase to phrase more implicit than explicit. There is also more of a emphasis on the rhythm and rhyme of the language.

That kind of writing style is almost mystical to me, but also quite magical in its beauty. I have seen it before in novels and short-stories, but a lot of it is lost on me. Most likely because I have never formally studied 文言文, just picked up bits and pieces of it here and there through osmosis.

[carlo]

One thing I read ages ago, and that may qualify as a rule of thumb: in English, the most important part of a written sentence tends to appear at the end. Grammarians call this "backloading a sentence." (compare "backloading a sentence, grammarians call this.") Now in written Chinese, because of topic-comment constructions, you often have the exact opposite. This is a major word order difference.

[ma3zi1]

"backloading a sentence"

That is a good way to put it, I had never really thought about that before.

Another thing this reminds me of is "parallel sentence structure". I typically use it in English to draw contrast between two points, but I've found it hard to figure out when or why to use it in Chinese. Typically, in Chinese you would use a semicolon to separate two sentences that have parallel sentence structure (leaving you with the ridiculously long sentences that seem so common in Chinese). However, I don't always see the semicolon used in this way in the work of legit Chinese writers.

This brings me to another point. Chinese writing tends to use significantly longer sentence lengths than modern English writing. Sometimes Chinese sentences remind me of Jane Eyre style English writing, where the sentence doesn't end until the thought ends. Often, where I would put a period in English, there will be a comma in Chinese.

[ma3zi1]

Here's an impressive example of Chinese parallel sentence structuring using a semicolon (for those who are interested). It comes from the first chapter of 《我與父輩》by 閻連科:

我萦萦思索，日想夜问，去追究我父辈们的人生和命运，去追究我的少年和童年，去查找那段岁月中的痕迹和落尘，终于就在某一瞬间里，明白了父辈们在他们的一生里，所有的辛劳和努力，所有的不幸和温暖，原来都是为了活着和活着中的柴米与油盐，生老和病死；是为了柴米油盐中的甘甘苦苦与生老病死中的挣扎和苦痛。

That's all one sentence mind you.

The relevant parallel structure part is:

...原来都是为了活着和活着中的柴米与油盐，生老和病死；是为了柴米油盐中的甘甘苦苦与生老病死中的挣扎和苦痛。

I hope the colors help delineate the structure better.

[skylee]

I think the use of 排句 in #10 is excessive. Besides the ones quoted, there are also the 去...去...去... and 所有的...所有的... sets. Such wrting style is not uncommon. For example it appears in the 社論 of Fruit Daily quite frequently. Some people might think it is a sophisticated good writing style. Personallly I usually find them clumsy and pretentious, well in particular in a 社論 (try read it out loud). I prefer concise writing. The 董橋 example is good. Also take a look at 亦舒's writing. I prefer style like hers.

PS - again I think it depends on what the writing is for. For poems and song lyrics, such heavy use of 排比 could be preferred or even required to help express strong emotions. But not for newspaper articles or even novels, I think.

[bande]

For a quick addition to Carlo's earlier comment, another way of looking at "backloading" is the difference between new information and old information. According to some writers, new information is more comprehensible when it comes at the end of a sentence. For more information, I've found Style: Towards Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams to be a good resource. English aside, are there any lists out there besides the examples discussed here of nonfiction writers with good style? I've enjoyed 王力雄， but I'm not sure if he's the best source to mimic.

[gato]

萧功秦's writing is pretty impressive. He's a historian at Nanjing University. Historians tends to be better writer than other academics, probably because storytelling is a inherent part of their job.

http://www.chinaelections.org/scholar.asp?scholarID=3

萧功秦

If you want a non-academic example, I stumbled upon the blog of 陈贤江 once and found his writing to be rather impressive, too. Maybe it's his expressiveness. Chen is the editor of 搜狐音乐.

Here are a couple articles of his that I liked. One is about Shanghai, the other about the breakup of the band Carsick Car.

http://www.chenxianjiang.com/archives/456

所谓“魔都”

http://www.chenxianjiang.com/archives/420

拜拜，中南海一代