bandwidth Posted February 22, 2011 at 04:06 PM Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 at 04:06 PM Edit: We worked it out, thanks for your input. B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbradfor Posted February 22, 2011 at 10:49 PM Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 at 10:49 PM Epidemic of unfaithful Chinese SOs? This one seems a bit different, and more valid, but I still feel like a voyeur reading the log.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandwidth Posted February 22, 2011 at 10:52 PM Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 at 10:52 PM ....doesn't matter anymore, we made up, and I trust her. Disregard and I'll lock/delete.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted February 22, 2011 at 11:39 PM Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 at 11:39 PM Hello, Not haveing time yet to translate all of the above, I can't tell you what you need to know. I do how ever feel this is a sad situation. Can you not just ask her, outright what is going on. If there is anything left of the relationship, this may have a better outcome than if she thinks you have been spying on her. All I can say is Good Luck. Shelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymoose Posted February 22, 2011 at 11:51 PM Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 at 11:51 PM It's more than just two good friends, in my opinion. I second what Shelley has said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandwidth Posted February 23, 2011 at 12:31 AM Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 12:31 AM I have met him, he has a wife and daughter, we even went out together while in Fuzhou, that was 3 years ago. She insists that he is a only a good friend that helps her parents, and she will stop the phone calls and delete QQ if I wanted after her Mom gets to the states (tomorrow). He is in China, and our relationship for the most part is really good and intimate, so that's why when I saw the cell phone call log (calls in and out) and the localphone.com (1.2 cents to china!) history, top that off with seeing 'I love you' I love you' on QQ log, it freaked me out. I even called him yesterday out of anger, and said I was her husband and father of our children and "BOO-YAO SO-GEE (her name), BOO-YAO QQ (her name)", so if she is leading him on for her own benefit maybe he will take the hint and stop this fantasy if he does believe they are in a relationship. I think this experience has been traumatic enough that she will not risk our life together for a secret long distance relationship. If she does, I would consider her sick and dissolve our relationship for it is not what I want for obvious reasons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymoose Posted February 23, 2011 at 01:52 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 01:52 AM I bet I can write a post that will be invisible to Roddy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roddy Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:17 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:17 AM Anonymoose, you seem to be accidentally making blank posts . . . Does anyone want to comment on the ethics of these posts? I have to admit I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the site being an accessory to snooping . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandwidth Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:19 AM Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:19 AM I already read it - thank you for your honesty. Time will tell I guess. My ultimatum was end this relationship or end our relationship, very simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandwidth Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:22 AM Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:22 AM Ethics violation? This is my wife; no names are involved, and she knows very well I have access to her QQ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Meng Lelan Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:46 AM Popular Post Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:46 AM I have to admit I'm somewhat uncomfortable with the site being an accessory to snooping This is the most comfortable forum you have ever run into. You will feel like snooping in it all the time. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneEye Posted February 23, 2011 at 04:29 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 04:29 AM I don't see how it's any more unethical than someone hiring a private investigator to follow a suspected spouse. That said, I think it's a little odd to post it publicly on a forum rather than finding a translator locally that could read over it for a nominal fee and keep it confidential. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gato Posted February 23, 2011 at 04:52 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 04:52 AM You need to have a good talk and maybe see a marriage counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roddy Posted February 23, 2011 at 05:09 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 05:09 AM I don't see how it's any more unethical than someone hiring a private investigator to follow a suspected spouse. And then broadcasting it live on Youtube I don't know - we've had people take IM chats without people's knowledge (one kid recently seemed to have installed a keylogger), SMS messages, and while I appreciate the OP's wife may know he has access to her chat logs, did she know you were going to post them on the Internet and ask for a translation? It just seems somewhat distasteful to me and I was wondering what people thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gato Posted February 23, 2011 at 05:17 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 05:17 AM I agree that his wife would not approve. :rolleyes: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daan Posted February 23, 2011 at 07:21 AM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 07:21 AM bandwith, this is just a general comment, so don't take this personally - I'm happy to hear you've made up with your wife I don't feel entirely comfortable reading through these logs either...translating them is probably helpful to the posters, but may not be quite as beneficial to their relationships. I mean, I would be not be happy if my SO had posted my chat logs on a random forum and then asked strangers to translate them because she thought I was cheating on her. In fact, I don't think I'd be happy at all for anyone to read my chat logs in general, including my SO. My reaction would, I think, be: "Why didn't you just ask me?" So that's what I've been thinking whenever I saw one of these posts recently: why don't you just discuss it with your SO? But of course, I understand fully that you can't be certain whether they're telling the truth, especially when you've already started mistrusting them. So it's a bit of a dilemma, really. Personally I don't like reading them, also because a translation error here could do serious damage to a relationship. Many posters here have, of course, a good knowledge of Chinese, but imagine what'd happen if someone who wasn't entirely proficient translated something wrong and then was the first to reply. I think in future we may want to advise such posters to ask a friend they trust (they probably have one, given the background of the SO) to help translate. Such friends would also be able to understand the nature and state of the relationship, and the personality of whoever's chat logs they're translating. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandwidth Posted February 23, 2011 at 01:45 PM Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 01:45 PM I didn't ask for a translation, just feedback, confirmation of my suspicions. Again, privacy is intact so I'm not concerned about what she may or may not feel about this post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbradfor Posted February 23, 2011 at 02:37 PM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 02:37 PM You're confusing privacy with (apparent) anonyminity. You violated your wife's privacy by posting her private communication to a public forum. You tried to be anonymous. But that is different than privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gato Posted February 23, 2011 at 02:52 PM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 02:52 PM I'm sure he's upset and not too worried about the distinction between privacy and anonymity right now. Anyway, it's a tough situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roddy Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:26 PM Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 at 03:26 PM Bandwidth, this isn't specific to you, but we've had a couple of similar topics lately and it's something I happened to bring up here. If you want to edit out the text of the original post and leave us to it, fair enough. One other thing I'll note is that the people posting this kind of thing by definition don't know what they're posting - there could be anything in there. And it's not necessarily the case that admin members are going to notice - I personally have next to no interest in reading sappy chat logs. Just seems tacky to be honest. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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