Differences in culture with Chinese/American dating and affection.

[Ness]

Hey there. I was wondering if I could get a few opinions on the topic of dating in regards to the culture differences in America and China. This is a report for my Chinese class. Basically I was curious as to know if you folks feel that there is a large difference in perceptions of such things in the dating world like kissing, hugging, or holding hands. Or maybe just attitudes in general with dating. Here in America, I think we're very open with not just our opinions, but our gestures as well. Especially when it comes to displaying forms of affection. In a lot of places you see couples holding hands, kissing, and hugging a lot publicly. Especially in liberal cities like here in San Francisco. But really, I'd like to thing that this is a thing that happens around the country and it's pretty common.

But what about China? Taiwan? Or maybe other places like Macau or Hong Kong? Would it be safe to assume that these societies are more reserved in their gestures and approaches when it comes to dating or showing affection in public? Is that a fair statement? Or does it really depend on the person? And for those that have extensive experience in one country or the other as far as dating is concerned, I'd like to hear your thoughts about things that you like/or don't like in either society...if there is anything at all. Thanks.

[kdavid]

My wife of five years will rarely kiss me in public... but that's probably because I'm ugly.

PDA is certainly not as prevalent here as it is back home. Every now and then you'll see a couple of youngsters making out in a dark corner, but you don't see much in public.

And this isn't just between love birds. You don't see a lot of PDA between parents and children either.

[skylee]

I think in general people are more reserved. But then again of course that depends on the individuals as well. Last time I was in Beijing (last September) I took the airport train, which was quite crowded. And there was this young lcoal couple sitting opposite me hugging, touching and occasionally kissing. I don't think this is common but it happens.

But holding hands is very common.

[gato]

PDA is pretty common in Shanghai.

[Yang Rui]

You're less likely to see couples making out in the street in China than in most European cities (although in London, a couple really eating each others' faces off in the street in the daytime is likely to get a few stares and muttered comments of 'get a room').

It's interesting to think about what 'public display of affection' really means - does it have to mean kissing? When I was in China I saw lots of what I think counted as displays of affection. A boyfriend holding his girlfriend's handbag would appear to be displaying some affection. You see lots of hugging in the cities, but you also see a kind of leaning into each other, especially girls leaning on their boyfriends. I think it would be wrong to say that Chinese people don't show affection in public, it's just that affection might be displayed in slightly different ways.

[lovelife]

A boyfriend holding his girlfriend's handbag would appear to be displaying some affection

Whats the deal with that one. I was in china last year and a chinese friend of mine told me that if we were dating she would expect me to carry her handbag when we were out. It did sound really peculiar. and the same person ditched her western boyfriend for not holding her hand in public. she later said that she did it because she didnt feel loved enough. so there you go- one to make you think about PDA

[anonymoose]

If you insist on reducing the situation to generalisations, then it would almost certainly be true that Chinese people are more conservative with respect to open displays of affection than their western counterparts.

However, one must take into account that there is a lot of variation within a society, particularly those as large as the US or China.

For example, aren't there schools and colleges in the US with official no-touching and abstinence policies? I've not heard of such things in China, even if relationships are frowned upon in school (although usually because of concerns that it will negatively impact study, rather than puritanical reasons)?

On the other hand, as gato already pointed out, public displays of affection are commonplace in Shanghai, even between people of the same sex (meaning, it is not uncommon to see guys with their arms around each other in a way that would be very unusual in the west).

[kongli]

I think that PDA in China is definitely on a smaller scale than most western countries. I recall numerous times trying to kiss my girlfriend and her shying away due to embarrassment that we were out in public.

I agree that China's couples tend to show their affection in other more non-physical ways. An example of this being some couples wearing the same type of outfit to symbolize they are boyfriend/girlfriend.

[lovelife]

I think that PDA in China is definitely on a smaller scale than most western countries

It's always down to the person,and their cultural background, isn't!

[rezaf]

PDA is pretty common in Shanghai.

It's indeed very common. There are many young couples at the subway station or other places(like my university's library) hugging and kissing. On the other hand a foreigner doing that to his Chinese girlfriend might be very inappropriate.

[Brian US]

If you walk around any campus in Beijing at night you will see couples PDA'ing. I complained to my teacher about having to dodge people sucking face in the middle of the street while scooting about. She thought it was their business and not to worry about it. In America I don't recall seeing couples kissing in the street unless it was V-J day...

[Ness]

Interesting. I didn't expect so many mixed reviews. Regardless, thanks for the responses.

[kongli]

It's always down to the person,and their cultural background, isn't!

:blink: , I have no idea what your trying to say here, but I totally agree.

[歐博思]

At Qinghua at night there is almost always some couples mackin' on the soccer field, but since it's dark out IDK if you wanna consider this public/not public...

In my USA university I actually see less PDA...

[msittig]

If your research includes watching lots of episodes of 非诚勿扰 (If You Are The One) on Youku this could be a fun report to write.

[xiaocai]

At Qinghua at night there is almost always some couples mackin' on the soccer field, but since it's dark out IDK if you wanna consider this public/not public...

In my USA university I actually see less PDA...

Because it is actually more covert to do so in a dark, open space than in the dorms in China since most of us have to share room with at least three other students.

[歐博思]

Because it is actually more covert to do so in a dark, open space than in the dorms in China since most of us have to share room with at least three other students.

haha then maybe it is a cultural difference, because in the US I hear stories about people "getting busy" with their roommate in the roommate... sometimes even awake... haha (most of us are not like that though!).

On a random note when I first glanced at your name I wanted to read it as xiangcai 香菜 for some reason, 我真的不喜欢香菜的味道哈哈. /random

[xiaocai]

Some Chinese students do that as well, one of them being my classmate. His housemates tried to convince him how much inconvenience it had caused them but the message just did seem to be getting through. Eventually they had to complain to the dorm management and apparently he only stopped doing so (bringing his girlfriend in) when he got a letter from the student office of the school...

I don't like it either and would never have thought about using it as my name...

[lovelife]

:blink: , I have no idea what your trying to say here, but I totally agree.

Ha ha, neither do I. I swear it made sense in my head when i was writing it. Cant even remember what it was anymore! lol

[Ness]

Hey I really appreciate all the responses. I'm going to finalize my report now so this has been really useful.