a piece of Chinese translation of an excerpt of Bertrand Russell's The Conquest of Happiness

[Kenny同志]

If you ask any man in America, or any man in business in England, what it is that most interferes with his enjoyment of existence, he will say: “The struggle for life.” Ask him how many men he has known in his class of life who have died of hunger. Ask him what happened to his friends after they had been ruined. Everybody knows that a businessman who has been ruined is better off so far as material comforts are concerned than a man who has never been rich enough to have the chance of being ruined. What people mean, therefore, by the struggle for life is really the struggle for success. What people fear when they engage in the struggle is not that they will fail to get their breakfast next morning, but that they will fail to outshine their neighbours.

问一个美国人或者英国的生意人，人生在世，什么东西对我们享受生活妨碍最大？他会跟你说：“是生活压力”。问下他，他所认识的同阶层的人中，有多少人死于饥饿；问下他，他那些破了产的朋友境况如何。众所周知，论物质生活，一个落魄的生意人比一个从未发过财，因而也未有机会破产的人还是要好些。因此，所谓“生活压力”实则是“功名”。人为生活奔波，所担心的不是第二天有没有早饭吃，而是怕给邻居抢了风头。

Consider the life of such man. He has, we may suppose, a charming house, a charming wife, and charming children. He wakes up early in the morning while they are still asleep and hurries off to his office. There it is his duty to display the qualities of a great executive; he cultivates a firm jaw, a decisive manner of speech, and an air of sagacious reserve calculated to impress everybody except the office boy. He dictates letters, converses with various important persons on the phone, studies the market, and presently has lunch with some person with whom he is conducting or hoping to conduct a deal. The same sort of thing goes on all the afternoon. He arrives home, tired, just in time to dress for dinner. At dinner he and a number of other tired men have to pretend to enjoy the company of ladies who have no occasion to feel tired yet. How many hours it may take the poor man to escape it is impossible to foresee. At last he sleeps, and for a few hours the tension is relaxed.

想象这么一个人的生活。假设这个人有漂亮的房子，家有娇妻，儿女都是郎才女貌。一大早家人还未醒，他就早早起床，急匆匆赶往办公室。在那里，职责所系，他得展现一位杰出领导的品质。为让他人（除办公室的打杂工外）觉得自己不同凡响，他煞费苦心，把自己的下巴整得坚毅，说起话来刻意作掷地有声状，而且总是一副睿智内敛的面容。他口授信函，与诸多要人通电话，研究市场，不一会儿又跟谈生意的伙伴共进午餐。整个下午也是忙诸如此类的一些事情。下班回家，他已颇感劳累，正好来得及换身衣服赴晚宴。用餐时，他与几位先生已是不胜劳累，但有几位女士作陪，还是不得不佯装欢愉，而这几位女士终日无事，都还毫无倦意。要挨多久这位可怜人才能逃离这晚宴呢？没办法知道。最后，他睡了，总算能放松几个小时了。

[Kenny同志]

昨晚心血来潮，翻译了两段罗素的文字，请大家多多指教啊。

I did the translation on the spur of the moment last night. Any suggestion or comment about it is welcome.

[xialei]

perfect translation.

[semantic nuance]

A very good job! Kenny!

But, 我有一點點想法。

He has, we may suppose, a charming house, a charming wife, and charming children.

郎才女貌 seems to be used in couples, although it sounds ok in its literal meaning you might intend to show. How about 兒女出眾? or 兒女承歡?

他得展现一位杰出领导的品质。

品質 seems to be used to describe objects. Here, I think 'qaulities' means to show how well a great executive can conduct. Maybe 特質, 能耐, something like that.

he cultivates a firm jaw, a decisive manner of speech, and an air of sagacious reserve calculated to impress everybody except the office boy.

About the firm jaw part, did you translate it deliberately literally or figuratively? 擲地有聲 sounds to my ear a bit different from 果敢, 果斷, 果決. It means more of a 說話鏗鏘有力 but 鏗鏘有力 is not necessarily decisive. how about 言談果決/斷, 談吐果決/斷. Caculated is 精打細算, 工於心計, 盤算著如何使自己展現在外人面前完美無暇, in this case. In other words, I think it can be read as 刻意地營造/塑造 all those things he tried to impress others.

Just my 2 cents.

[Kenny同志]

谢谢你SN。你的见解非常好。

郎才女貌 seems to be used in couples, although it sounds ok in its literal meaning you might intend to show. How about 兒女出眾? or 兒女承歡?

The chengyu 郎才女貌 here is a deliberate misuse. Given the definition of the word ‘charming’,(pleasing and attractive) , what do you think of 儿女都相貌俊雅 or 儿女都生得标标致致?

品質 seems to be used to describe objects. Here, I think 'qaulities' means to show how well a great executive can conduct. Maybe 特質, 能耐, something like that.

As for which one to choose from 品质, 特质 and能耐, I think it might be a Taiwan Mandarin vs Mainland Mandarin issue. See this link: http://www.zdic.net/cd/ci/9/ZdicE5Zdic93Zdic8185345.htm

About the firm jaw part, did you translate it deliberately literally or figuratively? 擲地有聲 sounds to my ear a bit different from 果敢, 果斷, 果決. It means more of a 說話鏗鏘有力 but 鏗鏘有力 is not necessarily decisive. how about 言談果決/斷, 談吐果決/斷. Caculated is 精打細算, 工於心計, 盤算著如何使自己展現在外人面前完美無暇, in this case. In other words, I think it can be read as 刻意地營造/塑造 all those things he tried to impress others.

You’re right on this point. 掷地有声 was improperly used. Perhaps we could say 言辞果断, as you’ve suggested.

I translated ‘calculated’ as 煞费苦心, hehe.

Thank you for offering your suggestions to make my translation better.

Here’s my amended version

问一个美国人或者英国的生意人，人生在世，什么东西对我们享受生活妨碍最大？他会跟你说：“是生活压力”。问下他，他所认识的同阶层的人中，有多少人死于饥饿；问下他，他那些破了产的朋友境况如何。众所周知，论物质生活，一个落魄的生意人比一个从未发过财，没有机会破产的人还是要好些。因此，所谓“生活压力”实则是“功名”。人为生活奔波，所担心的不是第二天有没有早饭吃，而是怕给邻居抢了风头。

想象这么一个人的生活。试想这个人有所雅致的宅子，家有娇妻，儿女都生得相貌俊雅。一大早家人还未醒，他就早早起床，急匆匆赶往办公室。在那里，职责所系，他得展现一位杰出领导的品质。为让他人（除办公室的打杂工外）觉得自己不同凡响，他煞费苦心，下巴总是努力保持坚毅状，说起话来刻意作言辞果断状，而且总是一副睿智内敛的面容。他口授信函，与诸多要人通电话，研究市场，不一会儿又跟谈生意的伙伴共进午餐。整个下午也是忙诸如此类的一些事情。下班回家，他已颇感劳累，正好来得及换身衣服赶赴晚宴。用餐时，他与几位先生均已不胜劳累，但有几位女士作陪，还是不得不佯装欢愉，而这几位女士终日无事，都还毫无倦意。要挨多久这位可怜人才能逃离这晚宴呢？没办法知道。最后，他睡了，总算能放松放松几个小时了。

@Xialei

不敢当，您过奖了。

[semantic nuance]

他得展现一位杰出领导的品质。

How about 意譯 this: 他得展現大將之風。

I translated ‘calculated’ as 煞费苦心, hehe.

That what's I gahtered, Kenny. However, 煞費苦心 can be applied to 'cultivate' (read definition 2c.) as well. This is my take on it: 他煞費苦心刻意保持堅毅沉穩，言談果斷，流露出睿智內斂的神采 (風采/ 模樣)

Given the definition of the word ‘charming’,(pleasing and attractive) , what do you think of 儿女都相貌俊雅 or 儿女都生得标标致致?

The definition 'pleasing and attractive' is personality-related, not necessarily look-oriented. I haven't come up with any yet.

[gato]

You should try to use the same Chinese word for all three instances of "charming" to match the reptition and irony of the English original. Maybe "漂亮的房子、漂亮的太太、漂亮的孩子＂？ I considered also "可爱的房子、可爱的老婆、可爱的孩子"，but I am not sure if 可爱 is suitable for conveying the irony.

[Lu]

Does 美国人 and 英国的生意人 exclude women to the same amount as 'any man in America, or any man in business in England' does? I'm sure this was the norm when the text was written, but I wonder if this comes across in Chinese as well.

[Kenny同志]

How about 意譯 this: 他得展現大將之風。

Not bad, SN.

That what's I gathered, Kenny. However, 煞費苦心 can be applied to 'cultivate' (read definition 2c.) as well. This is my take on it: 他煞費苦心刻意保持堅毅沉穩，言談果斷，流露出睿智內斂的神采 (風采/ 模樣)

I am afraid this sentence doesn’t flow quite well.

The definition 'pleasing and attractive' is personality-related, not necessarily look-oriented. I haven't come up with any yet.

I can’t figure out a better translation for the moment either. :rolleyes:

You should try to use the same Chinese word for all three instances of "charming" to match the repetition and irony of the English original. Maybe "漂亮的房子、漂亮的太太、漂亮的孩子＂？ I considered also "可爱的房子、可爱的老婆、可爱的孩子"，but I am not sure if 可爱 is suitable for conveying the irony.

Gato, I understand your point perfectly but while one can put “he is a good teacher and good friend” into Chinese as “他是一个好老师和（or better 也是一个）好朋友, there’s nothing wrong with it if he prefers“他是一位良师，也是一位益友” or “他是位良师益友”, especially when this is a sentence written down rather than one that is spoken out. The most important thing in translation in my humble opinion is that we need to assume the author is a Chinese person, and in this case we need to assume that Russell had been Chinese. What would have he written if he had been writing in Chinese? I am sure he wouldn’t have written "可爱的房子、可爱的老婆、可爱的孩子" because this sounds too “foreign” (few Chinese would modify 房子 with the word 可爱). He might have written "漂亮的房子、漂亮的太太、漂亮的孩子”, but these words seem to me insipid and it’s hard to use the same Chinese word for all the three instances so I turned to some very literary words.

Does 美国人 and 英国的生意人 exclude women to the same amount as 'any man in America, or any man in business in England' does? I'm sure this was the norm when the text was written, but I wonder if this comes across in Chinese as well.

No, I am afraid not. If an approximate number of women are to be excluded the translation should be, but not necessarily （问一位）美国男士或者英国的生意人.

[anonymoose]

How about 爽心悦目的房子、贤惠悦心的妻子、和颜悦色的儿女?

[gato]

He might have written "漂亮的房子、漂亮的太太、漂亮的孩子”, but these words seem to me insipid and it’s hard to use the same Chinese word for all the three instances so I turned to some very literary words.

Using "charming" three time in a row is insipid in English as well, therefore the irony (反语). Your translation made him sound more serious, I think.

(He's making fun of the public's view of the businessman, which sees everything as so charming when it may not be in reality.)

Another thing to consider is that Bertrand Russell was a socialist (a real one, not one with Chinese characteristics). He personally probably wouldn't have found much that's charming about businessmen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bertrand_Russell%27s_views_on_society#Communism_and_socialism

For my part, while I am as convinced a Socialist as the most ardent Marxian, I do not regard Socialism as a gospel of proletarian revenge, nor even, primarily, as a means of securing economic justice. I regard it primarily as an adjustment to machine production demanded by considerations of common sense, and calculated to increase the happiness, not only of proletarians, but of all except a tiny minority of the human race.

—Bertrand Russell, "The Case for Socialism" (In Praise of Idleness, 1935, pg. 81)

[gato]

See these lyrics from a song by The Talking Heads. These is a similar pair here of the "beautiful house" and "beautiful wife". The irony is similar, though the song means it in an even sharper sense.

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/talking+heads/once+in+a+lifetime_20135070.html

You may find yourself in another part of the world

You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife

You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down

[semantic nuance]

Using "charming" three time in a row is insipid in English as well, therefore the irony (反语).

@gato: Hmmm, that makes sense.

@Kenny: How about 人見人愛的 for 'charming'?

I am afraid this sentence doesn’t flow quite well.

I'm sorry that this could not be of help, Kenny.

[Kenny同志]

How about 爽心悦目的房子、贤惠悦心的妻子、和颜悦色的儿女?

@Kenny: How about 人見人愛的 for 'charming'?

Using "charming" three time in a row is insipid in English as well, therefore the irony (反语). Your translation made him sound more serious, I think

多谢三位不吝赐教。

I failed to detect the nuances of the word “charming”. After all, English is not my mother language. Since it’s clear now that the sentence under discussion is an irony， I wanna go with 试想这个人的房子漂亮，太太漂亮，儿女也都漂漂亮亮。This way, the irony should be able to get across.

@gato

Shouldn’t it be “three times in a row”?

final version on my blog

[gato]

Right. It was a booboo. ;)

[studentyoung]

楼主的译文不错啊，就是稍嫌口味淡些。文中所述的人，在北京管叫“装B”，在上海管叫“做”。楼主的译文就是译“装B”译得不够生动啊。我给你弄个重口味的试试。

If you ask any man in America, or any man in business in England, what it is that most interferes with his enjoyment of existence, he will say: “The struggle for life.” Ask him how many men he has known in his class of life who have died of hunger. Ask him what happened to his friends after they had been ruined. Everybody knows that a businessman who has been ruined is better off so far as material comforts are concerned than a man who has never been rich enough to have the chance of being ruined. What people mean, therefore, by the struggle for life is really the struggle for success. What people fear when they engage in the struggle is not that they will fail to get their breakfast next morning, but that they will fail to outshine their neighbours.

假如你随便问一个美国人或者一个生意场上的英国人，一个人若要享受当下，最大拦路石是啥，他会说：“要为生活奔波”。问问他，在他混的那个圈子里，有几个是饿死的；问问他，他的那些狐朋狗党破产之后，都混得咋样。是地球人都知道啦，一个生意人破产之后，他的物质生活过得要比那些穷得叮当响，一辈子没机会破产的穷鬼要滋润得多。所以，人家说“要为生活奔波”，那意思其实是“要为名利奔波”。人家可不担心第二天早上起来没早餐吃，人家怕的是自己的尾巴翘得没有隔壁的高啊。

Consider the life of such man. He has, we may suppose, a charming house, a charming wife, and charming children. He wakes up early in the morning while they are still asleep and hurries off to his office. There it is his duty to display the qualities of a great executive; he cultivates a firm jaw, a decisive manner of speech, and an air of sagacious reserve calculated to impress everybody except the office boy. He dictates letters, converses with various important persons on the phone, studies the market, and presently has lunch with some person with whom he is conducting or hoping to conduct a deal. The same sort of thing goes on all the afternoon. He arrives home, tired, just in time to dress for dinner. At dinner he and a number of other tired men have to pretend to enjoy the company of ladies who have no occasion to feel tired yet. How many hours it may take the poor man to escape it is impossible to foresee. At last he sleeps, and for a few hours the tension is relaxed.

咱来想象一下，有这么一位仁兄，如此这般地过活。他呀，咱假设啊，房子一级棒，老婆一级棒，娃子一级棒！每天鸡啼的时候，众人皆“睡”我独“醒”，屁颠屁颠赶到办公室。端坐在如此位置上，他的任务就是要把杰出行政人员的素质向众人一一展现。为了在别人（办公室里打杂的除外）心里留下自己的光辉形象，他得修理一个坚定的下颚，配上一口果敢决断的腔调，再加一脸睿智内敛的神情。只见他，这边厢口头草拟文件，那边厢又在电话里跟各色大人物通话，钻研市场，没过一会，又得跟自己生意伙伴或潜在生意伙伴去吃午饭。整一下午，也就是把上午的戏再接着往下演。下班后，累死累活地回到家，正好还有时间换套衣服去吃晚饭。晚饭的饭桌上，他，还有其他几个也累死累活的男人，因陪坐在一群仍不知苦累为何物的女士当中，不得不强颜欢笑，好不凄惨。还得过多久，这些可怜的仁兄才能获得“解放”啊？——这是个不可预测的未知数X！好了好了，终于，他倒在床上，呼呼大睡，偷来浮生半日闲！啊，“半日”？想得你美！也就几小时而已……。

[anonymoose]

studentyoung, I think your translation is very good, but it is in a very casual style, whereas the English original is quite formal.