Essay I wrote for Chinese 203 (Third Year)

[郭海翔]

Hello everyone,

This is an essay that I wrote for my Chinese class. I have come to the conclusion that the writing must need an incredible amount of work to correct as my teacher did not give me detailed feedback on how to improve. I think next time I wont be so ambitious. Its just that I started writing the assigned 250-350 character essay then i couldn't stop. Any help and feedback would be greatly appreciated! and sorry for my horrible writing :/

中国的因特网社区

在 世界的电脑文化上中国的是最复杂的。从2010年时起 ，中国有几乎半亿的因特网使用者。这些使用者真的喜欢交换新闻，音乐，电影什么的。很有名的表情符号和特别的因特网语言常常从中国发源。因为国外的人们在 网上关于政府的政策传达自己的观点，所以中国的政府采取了严重的措施管制因特网。这样的管制把中国人们能存取的因特网含量减少了。总之，因为也有为中国有 世界上的最许多的人口，也有最大的因特网使用者人口，中国的因特网文化把世界的人民的因特网文化会影响。

要 是我想看有名电影的时候，我在网上能找得到中文的网站能看电影。有很多网站是那样的。要是我找到一个美国网站有电影下载，一定会链接到中国的网站。至于找 音乐是一样。因为很多人从中国的网站下载受版权保护材料没花钱，所以别国家的电影业和音乐产业常常试删除链接。因为觉得不用费钱下载电影和音乐的中国人比 觉得应该费钱买光盘的中国人多，所以中国的音乐产业和电影业跟别的国家不一样。中国的演员和歌手在光盘的销售上不赚钱，在背书上赚很多钱。现代，与非法下 载抗争，电影业和音乐产业多放生数字含量。因为公司用特别技术，现在非法的下载难上加难。中国网上习性让世界的电影业和音乐产业改变开始放生电影和音乐在 网上。

没 有人不用“^_^”或者“(T_T)”的表情符号。美国人对中文数字语言也有兴趣。有朋友不学中文他们知道“520”的意思。中国因特网使用者喜欢在网上 发现新的办法聪明地表现自己的情感。中国人常常用短的词汇表现很长的词汇。不如，在中国用“广交会”表现“广州出口商品交易会”。好像这个习惯在网上把很 长的词汇改变短的。因为中国人平常用表情符号，所以外国人看的懂。先在中国很多因特网使用者用表情符号，再学中文的人开始用，现在世界中人用表情符号。对 我来看，数字语言会是普及。

在 中国，一个很主要的问题是“谁可以看什么？”。中国政府管制因特网。要是政府决定一个网站对中国人不好，会严禁中国人看那个网站。因而，中国人开始用因特 网代理。用因特网代理可以看禁止的网站。中国人常常用代理看Facebook或者外国的新闻网站。Facebook和新闻记者普及了因特网代理。好像中国 人们， 最近很多美国开始用因特网代理在工作或者学校看禁止的含量。

中国的因特网社区老是发现新的办法用因特网。因为中国的因特网使用者的人口太大了，所以世界的人民常常遵循中国因特网的办法。大家把中国的因特网将来有兴趣。

[fanglu]

Have you tried lang-8? It's not bad for getting things corrected.

Possibly the reason your teacher didn't give detailed feedback was you didn't obey the word limit. Correcting writing takes some time, and you wrote 3 times more than she was expecting, which means it would take 3 times as long to correct.

[Kenny同志]

Seems there's a market for Chinese editing, haha.

[郭海翔]

LOL Yeah i know, now that I think about it, it's really my fault for being disobedient. I will try Lang-8 and see what I get. Thank you both, one for a stern reminder of the teacher student agreement (even though it took me a lot of time and effort to write it), the other for a good laugh even though you just told me my Chinese was horrible LMAO . Although my intent was to make my teacher proud, in the end she must have felt like if one of her children had given her a cake made of sticks and dirt haha

[Kenny同志]

I've revised and polished your essay.

see the attached file. 中国的因特网社区 polished.doc

[sherry542800]

Actually,you did this essay quite well.But there are still many problems.

For the 1st paragraph,We don't use 半亿 to express 50 miliion.We always say 0.5亿 or 五千万.In fact the right number should be 五亿(0.5 billion).

The strict policy should be 严格的措施,not 严重(means serious).

Anyway,you really did a good job,but just made some mistakes on words using.

The version that Kenny upload is quite good for reference.

[郭海翔]

O wow! Thanks so much kenny2006woo! and sherry542800 too I didn't think one person would go through an try to correct everything and make it better. Definitely seems like I should go back to basic writing, like stories. My chinese is definitely not good enough to keep writing essays about material such as this. I guess that will be my goal for next year. To be a better writer.

[xtasy]

hi 郭海翔，

Here is a revision of the first paragraph :rolleyes: :

中国的电脑文化是世界上最复杂的。至2010年（"从" means "from" whereas "至" means "up to"），中国已有近半亿因特网使用者（here should be a past tense and "已有" means "already have"）。这些使用者喜欢交换新闻、音乐、电影等等（between words and short phrases we use "、" instead of "，". "等等" is more formal than "什么的" and actually "什么的" is rarely seen in a formal essay）。很有名的表情符号和特别的因特网语言常常从中国发源。由于国外人在网上传达个人关于政府政策的观点（"由于" sounds more formal than "因为". "外国人" is the right expression, never "外国的人"），中国政府采取了严厉的措施管制因特网（"中国政府" is the right expression, never "中国的政府"；"严格" is usually spoke of demand, discipline etc. whereas "严厉" is usually spoke of police. However either can be used to depict a person. Once "因为" or "由于" is used, do not use "所以" in the next clause, vice versa.）。这样的管制把中国人能存取的因特网信息减少了（"中国人" but not "中国人们", for many words in Chinese are plural even if they appear to be in single form. "量" is usually followed by "大" or "小" whereas "信息" is followed by "多" or "少"）。总之，中国有世界上最多的人口（"最多" and "许多" never appear at the same time），也就有最大的因特网使用者规模（"规模" can be used here instead of "人口" to avoid repetition, though "人口" is also right here），因此中国的因特网文化会对世界因特网文化产生影响（"something/somebody 对 something/somebody 产生影响" is the collocation）。