New Members Brad Posted July 14, 2011 at 10:25 AM New Members Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 10:25 AM My Chinese wife met me in the US. After some discussion we decided it best to move to Beijing, and for me to leave my job in America, since her job/income was by far the best. She insisted that it would be great if I retired, being in my upper 50's... and she would work in her job which she very much enjoys. Since she is somewhat younger, and really wanted to stay in Beijing, and really seemed to want me to retire and 'do whatever I wanted'.... I agreed. Well, it turns out she no longer is happy with me not working. She now complains often about my not working, and is starting to suggest it all was a mistake. Unfortunately, I left a good steady job in the US, and even sold my property there that I had intended to use in retirement. She knew of the sacrifices I was making at the time, and thanked me over and over. Now though, she clearly is having big second thoughts. When we argue she gets more and more aggressive, suggesting that I move out 'if I don't like things.' She says I have no rights to stay in her apartment if she decided to kick me out, and that she has no obligation to provide anything for me financially even though I gave up my job and retirement property to join her in China. My question is: What are my rights under Chinese law? Am I entitled to stay in the apartment where we live as a married couple, even if she owns it? Does she have any obligations to assist me financially, since I left my job and retirement property due to her promise to provide and allow for my retirement here in Beijing? It might all work out, but since she has become more aggressive, it seems like I must at least find out what the law is in China. Any answers or suggestions?? Quote
xiaocai Posted July 14, 2011 at 02:42 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 02:42 PM My question is: What are my rights under Chinese law? Am I entitled to stay in the apartment where we live as a married couple, even if she owns it? Does she have any obligations to assist me financially, since I left my job and retirement property due to her promise to provide and allow for my retirement here in Beijing? I can't answer the first part. If the apartment was bought before you get married, then it is her own property. But I think that you have right to stay in there while you are still married. To the second part of the question, yes, she is the under the obligation to support you. This is made clear in the marriage law of China: 第二十条 夫妻有互相扶养的义务。 一方不履行扶养义务时，需要扶养的一方，有要求对方付给扶养费的权利。 Basically it means "Spouses have the obligation to support each other. If one spouse fails to fulfil this obligation, the other one as the right to demand compensation from him/her". Quote
Brian US Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:01 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:01 PM "Spouses have the obligation to support each other. If one spouse fails to fulfil this obligation, the other one as the right to demand compensation from him/her". To what extent and is it really enforced? Do both parties negotiate over assets or could it be monthly payments like an alimony? Quote
jbradfor Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:05 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:05 PM That is a tough situation. My first question is whether you still have the proceeds from the sale of your house under only your name, and whether it was sold before you got married. If so, keep it as such, and keep it in the USA. Otherwise, I think you'll need to contact a lawyer in China familiar with Chinese marriage property laws to see whether China is a community property country. In general, to the extent that you are legally able to, having funds in accounts under only your name in the USA is, IMHO, you best backup. That said, have you considered getting a part time job? It will probably not be in the same area as your occupation back in the USA, and it won't pay well, but it will be something. Honestly, I can't say I'm too surprised: at the risk of getting myself into trouble with gross generalizations, Chinese women want husbands that make money, none of this "eat the soft rice" stuff. 1 Quote
xiaocai Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:08 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:08 PM As someone who has never married and has little understanding of laws, I can't really answer the first part. For the second part, I have personally heard about both forms being employed. Quote
luozhen Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:41 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 03:41 PM Don't do what your wife says. Maybe you can still save the marriage, but you need to take control of the relationship. Read this guy's site. http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/ 1 Quote
yonglin Posted July 14, 2011 at 04:00 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 04:00 PM If you think that you will receive protection under Chinese law, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. China is a developing country and very corrupt in many respects -- I'm sure your wife's "connections" are vastly more extensive than yours. If the sticking point is just the work, why don't you try to get yourself a part-time job as jbradfor suggests? Quote
imron Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:02 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:02 PM Bear in mind that if you do play the "Chinese law says you have to let me stay" card, your marriage is almost certainly doomed. From my experiences living in China I found that being directly confrontational to get what you want often has the opposite effect. And under such circumstance, even if you do get what you want, you end up making an enemy of the person you were confronting. Quote
imron Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:14 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:14 PM Read this guy's site. That website is gold! Quote
kdavid Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:49 PM Report Posted July 14, 2011 at 11:49 PM That website is gold! Seems like it's all geared to selling his book. Has anyone read the book? Quote
Popular Post Meng Lelan Posted July 15, 2011 at 02:02 AM Popular Post Report Posted July 15, 2011 at 02:02 AM I am concerned about the woman becoming aggressive. To the OP, if you are being bullied, threatened, denied access to money/financial records, etc these are all signs of abuse. You need to be making some kind of contingency plan, you need to have plans for some "safe place" where you can go if you must abruptly go. You also need a lawyer, a very good lawyer to address your legal issues. Coming here to the Chinese Forums is not where to go for sound legal advice or sound marital counseling. The Chinese Forums has seen quite a few guys come here looking for legal advice and online marital "counseling" or "advice", but keep in mind virtually none of us are actually qualified family law lawyers or professional marital counselors. 5 Quote
imron Posted July 15, 2011 at 02:37 AM Report Posted July 15, 2011 at 02:37 AM Seems like it's all geared to selling his book I didn't get that impression at all. I've just (unintentionally) spent the last few hours reading through some of the archives and there's a lot of good, funny articles there that contain some pretty good advice. I may even consider buying the book just because he comes across as an interesting writer. Quote
luozhen Posted July 15, 2011 at 06:13 AM Report Posted July 15, 2011 at 06:13 AM The book grew out of the website and there's plenty of material on there, it's not just a book promo. I haven't read the book, but from what I understand it is more complete (a step-by-step guide rather than web postings that are based on the topic du jour) and also more graphic. Quote
trevelyan Posted July 15, 2011 at 10:19 PM Report Posted July 15, 2011 at 10:19 PM Why don't you get a part-time teaching job and get out of the house? It'll give you some spare cash and let you meet people who aren't your wife, giving you both some breathing room. 2 Quote
rezaf Posted July 16, 2011 at 11:08 AM Report Posted July 16, 2011 at 11:08 AM What did you do with the money from selling your property? Did you use it or part of it for buying your wife's apartment? Quote
peg Posted August 29, 2011 at 09:38 AM Report Posted August 29, 2011 at 09:38 AM i would be getting myself a job as many suggest to you You may find that your wife will be happier when you are working and things will be fine between you again. Quote
putonghua73 Posted August 30, 2011 at 06:02 AM Report Posted August 30, 2011 at 06:02 AM I think that Jbradfor and Meng Lelan hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, your negotiation position is limited unless you manage to find a comparable job in Beijing with the one you had in the US. I'm not so optimistic that a part-time job will cut it. I'm presuming that your wife met you when you had a good job and property in the US. So the power balance between you was fairly equal. Even though she suggested that you quit your job to come to Beijing, what people say is not always underscored by their actions. It's that whole ice-berg thing of what is frequently left unsaid. I'm also really concerned about her behaviour towards you and her threats that she could kick you out. Do you recognise this version as the woman whom you married? Be really honest with yourself, Absolutely agree with the need for a contingency plan. I really hope that as Jbradfor suggests you kept the sale of your home and some of your savings in your name. The whole marriage counselling bit can come later - right now you need to put yourself first and into survival mode and see what the legal landscape is if your wife decides to follow through on her threats. As others have mentioned, your wife is holding all the cards here: her country, her connections, her family. I don't think the whole legal support will be viable if you have to go down that route because I have a nasty feeling that your wife could make things really ugly for you. Get legal advice and see what the options are, and plan for the worst. Doesn't mean to say that the worst will occur but given what has transpired, you don't wish to be in a position in which you did not factor for it. All the best. 1 Quote
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