"My Dream Trip"

[xuechengfeng]

I will first enter what I want to type in English, to avoid any confusion when helping me correct this. Thanks in advance.

"If I was able to travel, I would like to go to China. When I went, I would visit several cities, including: Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou, Suzhou, and Hong Kong. This trip would last very long, and would most likely be very expensive, but also very interesting. I would like to go with a lot of friends. Inside the best hotel, we would be able to stay because in my dreams, I actually have money! I have a lot of interest towards those cities food, so we must experience their foods. Also, I’ve heard Hangzhou has very pretty scenery, so we must go sight-seeing. During this trip, if I was also able to speak Chinese with Chinese people, I would be very happy because it would be very helpful for my Chinese. Also, if a person comes to China, then of course they must see the Great Wall because it is very famous. Before we return home, I would also like to visit some Chinese shops, so we can buy many Chinese items. Then we will always be able to remember our trip. Once we’ve finished having fun, and have also stayed several months, then we would return home, and certainly hope in the future we have money, so we can return again."

如果我可以旅行﹐我想到中國去。我去的時候﹐我看幾個城﹐包括﹕上海﹐北京﹐杭

州﹐蘇州﹐和香港。這個旅途很久﹐也很貴﹐可是很有意思。我要到那兒跟很多朋

友。在最好的旅館﹐我們能住﹐因為我在夢也有很多錢﹗我對那些的城的食物有興

趣﹐所以我們應當經歷那些的食物。也﹐我聽說過杭州有很漂亮的山水﹐所以我要

去觀光。在這個旅途期間﹐如果我也可以跟中國人說普通話﹐然後我很高興﹐因為

那個給我很有幫助。也﹐如果一個人到中國去﹐然後當然他們應該去看長城。我們

回家以前﹐我想到很多中國商店﹐所以我們可以買很多中國東西﹐然後我們會記得

這個旅途。一完了有玩﹐也住在這兒幾個月﹐就回家﹐一定希望將來我們有錢﹐所

以我們可以再回到中國。

[marcopolo79]

I'm not a native speaker, so I can't promise that everything will be correct, but I hope I can offer you a few tips that I find make writing Chinese a somewhat more logical endeavor.

Chinese has a natural affinity for pairs, whenever possible, for an object noun, it is always best to use the full term for that noun, i.e. don't write 幾個城, write 幾座城市.

When enumerating something, rather than use 包括, use 例如,譬如,比如, etc.

旅途 is a noun, 久 is an adverb, they should not be used together. Either replace 久 with 長 or 旅途 with 旅遊.

Don't make things overly complicated for yourself, try to stick with Subject, Verb, Object word order. Although it might get repetitive, this is actually how written Chinese works. 在最好的旅館﹐我們能住 just doesn't sound right.

在夢 isn't correct, either say 在夢中 or 做夢的時候.

我對那些的城的食物有興趣 is akward, when trying to decide how many 的's should go between the object and any modifying terms, it's best to place it between the object and any other modifying terms, i.e. 我對那些城市的食物感興趣.

Remember, SVO. You can't start a sentence with 也,就,不,etc. the subject always preceeds it.

Please review the various uses of 就, they should replace 然後 in almost every instance you've used it.

I'll let someone how actaully knows what they're talking about finish the rest.

[xiaocai]

如果我可以旅行﹐我想到中國去。去的時候﹐我想去參觀幾個城市﹐包括上海、北京、杭州、蘇州、和香港。這次旅行可能會很久、很昂貴﹐但是也非常有意思。我會和很多朋友一起去那兒。我們能住最好的旅館﹐因為在夢裏我有很多錢。我對那些的城市的食物很感興趣﹐所以我們一定要品嘗一下那些食物。我聽說杭州的山水很漂亮﹐所以我肯定會去遊覽。在旅途中﹐如果我還可以跟中國人說普通話的話﹐我會很高興﹐因為這對我的漢語很有幫助。如果一個人到了中國﹐他應該去看看長城，因為它很有名。在我們回家之前﹐我想要去逛一逛中國商店﹐這樣我們就可以買很多中國貨﹐然後我們就會記得這次旅行。當我們盡了興﹐也在這兒住了幾個月以后﹐就回家去﹐並毫無疑問地希望將來我們會有錢﹐這樣我們就可以再回到中國。

我的英文水平可能類似于您的中文水平，所以我沒能太多的參考您的原文，而是按中文直接修改的。同時，我的改動也是完全基于字面的，其實有很多不符合漢語邏輯習慣的地方，但是因為理解上沒有什么問題，所以就不更改了，以免與您的原文差別過大。

此外，我髮現很多朋友在標點符號的運用上有一些小問題，請參考如下的網阯：

http://www.zktc.edu.cn/xuebao/bz/1.htm

[marcopolo79]

Hey 薛乘風,

I just wanted to add, although it might seem really hard and people are pointing out a lot of mistakes, you're doing really well!

When I think back to my second year Chinese class, I don't think any non-native speaker in my class, including myself, would have been able to come up with essays this good (we rarely wrote compositions), and there was definitely no one who had the amount of motivation that you seem to have.

It's really hard while sitting at a desk in America to appreciate and understand the fundamental differences between expressing yourself in English and expressing yourself in Chinese, once you get to China and immerse yourself you'll definitely be able to pull it all together and you'll be amazed to see just how much you've truly learned.

[xuechengfeng]

thanks a lot, you have no idea how motivating that is because i see how bad it seems i'm doing and i get depressed.

i have a rough time mostly with grammar and thinking in english.

[Pravit]

Xuechengfeng, how long have you been learning Chinese? Is it your first foreign language? I'm only a beginner too, but your composition was very good, in my opinion! Keep on pressing at it! :

[xuechengfeng]

I've been learning Chinese for about 1 year and 3 months now. I learned 2 years of spanish in high school, but wasn't very serious about it, only 'cuz we had to.

thanks.

[marcopolo79]

because i see how bad it seems i'm doing and i get depressed.

Really, you have nothing to be depressed about. Writing in Chinese is something so insanely difficult for non-natives that most people don't even attempt it, you should judge yourself only by the progress you make, not by any other standard. Also, be really, really patient. It will take some time.

I posted part of an essay I wrote just to get a sense of how many mistakes I average per piece, and I got comments along the lines of "you write like a middle school student." Normally this wouldn't be too bad to bear, except for the fact I'm in Grad School in Taiwan, so I apparently have a lot of catching up to do. It will just take some time...

[Quest]

此外，我髮現很多朋友

發現

[xiaocai]

非常感谢Quest的改正，我的繁体字仍然很不熟练…… 所以还是用简体字吧。

当我发现薛乘风刚学了一年零三个月的中文的时候，简直是大吃一惊。相比之下，虽然我已经学了5年英语，却只能用“狗屁不通”来形容。甚至到现在为止，我还没有写过一篇象样的习作。所以来这个论坛，也对提高我的英语水平有很大的帮助。同时，很佩服大家学习中文的认真态度，一起努力吧！

[xuechengfeng]

I used xiaocai's correction of my sloppy composition and the teacher said it was bu hao cuz it was near-native level and I'm not even close to that.

[CBC]

There is no need for me to correct the composition now， But I cannot help laughing：The teacher's comment is funny- too good to be good.

[ananda]

曰若远游，吾欲之中国。及彼，沪、京、杭、苏、港乃必游之地也。旅途虽遥，资费

亦糜，然则此行甚趣，加之众友相伴，必不虚也！有舒适之客栈，有精美之肴馔，吾

必欲尽试之，盖余梦中坐拥万贯之财也，嘻！尝闻彼之杭城山清水秀，吾必亲睹之。

此行若与彼之民言彼之语，大有裨益，甚喜。或言及彼之域，必亲见其长城也，盛名

如斯矣！曰归，彼产颇多，吾必恣贾之。及家，常深念之。彼处之美也，尝数月不思

归，必聚银钱，返彼之境，以慰余心。