Gift Idea Required

[James 1980]

Hi Guys

I am new to the forum and would like to say hi to everyone.

I have joined the forum to help me appreciate my girlfriends culture a little more. I am an English guy and my girlfriend is chinese. We have been together for around 6 months now, and although things are going well and I am very happy, I would like to be able to demonstrate that I care about something that she does in her culture, so will be keeping a keen eye on the discussions.

I am looking for some gift advise as she is going home to visit her parents in September. I was hoping to maybe get them a gift and also for her brother and his wife and their daughter. I have done some research into 'do's and dont's' of the gift culture, but was hoping to maybe make a decision to buy without asking to much guidance from my girlfriend so that she knows I have put some thought into my gifts.

Her parents are both in their 60's, one retired one part time teacher. My initial thought was of a gift applicable to the area I am from in Stoke On Trent, maybe some kind of pottery/croquery, maybe some kind of wedgewood tea pot and cups/saucers, or plate set

Her brother is 36 and proffesional in Shanghai. I thought possibly a nice pen for work purposes. His wife is the same age, and I thought possibly some kind of beauty set or fragrence, then for their daughter who is 8 and apparently quite clever, I could possibly get some kind of educational reading, or an english toy/doll which I know she is into.

Was also thinking of sending some luxery chocolate to both or some premium tea which I know her brother likes.

These are just ideas, so any help would be appreciated. Thanks guys

[雅各]

I sense impending disaster.

[James 1980]

Bad idea?

[xianhua]

I would steer clear of china and tea and choose an item which is more associated with your own culture.

One other thing: obviously we all have budgets, but when it comes to gift-giving in China, usually no expense is spared. Add to this the fact that you are a foreigner and your girlfriend's brother is a professional in Shanghai, then expectations could be high.

[roddy]

He's not going personally, he's never met them before, and it's only been six months - if anything I'd say he's going overboard. I'd tone it down quite a bit - something for the parents, maybe either something for the niece, or something for that family as a whole.

Nothing wrong with tea and china - China doesn't have a monopoly on those traditions, especially as with the china you can claim 当地特产, which is always a winner.

[kdavid]

My sister was the first member of my family to visit China and meet my wife. At the time she visited, she was 18 and right out of high school. My mother sent along a bunch of Florida knick-knacks for my sister to give to my in-laws on my mother's behalf.

The things she sent along were very "Florida"--colored sand in a bottle, sea shells, starfish, Disney memorabilia, etc. My mother-in-law flat out refused to accept any of the gifts, and was offended that my mother would send her stuff of "such quality".

Now, while my mother-in-law is a raging bitch (and was long before this incident), I agree with the above poster that serious gift giving--and by that I mean gift giving to potential in-laws and/or people you want to impress--you really should go all out and send along some expensive things they'll be willing to brag about to their neighbors.

IMHO, sending along nothing would be better than sending along something something that's not flashy.

[James 1980]

Thanks for the thoughts so far guys. It was an idea that she thought would also be nice.

Suppose its a culture shock for me. In the UK if she were to buy any slight gesture for my parents which she does on a regular basis, ie. fruit, wine etc, they are very appreciative. They also appreciate how polite she is and also makes me happy. Unfortunatly I do not have this privalige with her parents as they live in China. All I know is that they are very happy with me as I treat their daughter well and with respect. She has not had chance to visit them in the past two years and unfortuanltly I can not make the trip as I have insufficient holiday time left. So I thought a nice little gesture would be appreciated.

I have learnt allot about her family obviously through conversation with her, and realise that they are not materialistic. I do not have cash to splash at the moment as we are saving for a deposit on a house so allot of my salary is going straight into my savings account, but im sure upto 150/200 wont break the bank. I said croquery as obviously the area I come from is named the potteries and famous for such things as Josiah Wedgewood, and thought some kind of figure or tea/plate set would be seen as thoughtfull. For the niece maybe educational material or as I said I know she loves her dolls. Maybe I shouldnt over endulge with her brother and sister in law, but I did want to show my respect to them as I know she cares allot for the relationship. I know he likes his premium teas and clothing, and her sister is into beuty and handbags (As are women accross the world haha).

As I said, dont shoot me down guys, im only looking for advise, im not a bad guy

[imron]

so that she knows I have put some thought into my gifts.

This sort of thing is a very western concern, and personally I think you're better off asking for her advice. I don't think she'll think any worse (or better) of you either way, but at least you then stand a chance of making sure you're not getting anyone an inappropriate gift. She'll have a much better grasp of the sort of things you should be getting them, depending on the seriousness of your relationship and so on, so my advice is seek her advice.

If you really want to show your girlfriend that you appreciate her culture, put your effort into learning Chinese

I know he likes his premium teas

Western and Chinese concepts of premium teas are very different. I have Chinese friends who are very much into their premium teas but truth be told, their definition of premium tea does not extend to teas from outside of China.

[James 1980]

put your effort into learning Chinese

Thought exact same thing myself, been looking at going back to college or home learning, put my brain back to the test ;)

[aspi]

I have heard that even colors of the present have meanings in China. I heard a story where a business partner of some Chinese company sent a gift in white and blue wrappings, which are the colors of Finnish flag, and then later heard that it was basically an insult. It had something to do with death and such. I am not sure how correct this is but I know for sure that colors play big role in China so better to be careful there also.

[xianhua]

and then later heard that it was basically an insult

...Or the Chinese business partner wanted to terminate the partnership and used the first excuse which sprang to mind.

[jbradfor]

I think you're all being a tad too negative towards James 1980's ideas. He's obviously spend some thought on this, and I think comments like "I sense impending disaster." are WAY out of line -- especially without any explanation or suggestions. Also, I'm not sure how "If you really want to show your girlfriend that you appreciate her culture, put your effort into learning Chinese" will help, given that she is leaving in 1 month, and he's not going. Good long-term advice, perhaps, but not for this situation.

I think it's great that you thought of gifts yourself, but of course run it past your girlfriend to ensure they are not a bad idea. And also get an idea of the appropriate price range. She knows your financial situation and how it would be viewed back home. But ultimately the gift should be from you, for better or worse.

I would stay away from china and a pen. Stay away from china, not because it has anything to do with China (China no longer makes good quality china, in spite of the name, so it wouldn't be a silly gift), but because you don't really know what style they would like. And for the pen, I don't think of China as really being a big pen culture (more brush), so unless things have changed and I'm wrong (always possible), the point of a pen would likely be lost on him.

I think tea might be a good idea -- but make sure it is western tea. Since odds are that the recipient is not familiar with higher-end western tea (although it is always possible!), go for the nicest packaging you can. I remember from my trips to England that one can buy tea in very nice packaging.

[James 1980]

J, Appreciate your comments thank you.

I will be running my ideas by my girlfriend before I brought, but wanted her to know I have put thought into my ideas, I know this is something that will make her happy.

The china idea was purely because the area I am from is called the potteries, and is something (If anything apart from oatcakes haha) that we are famous for around here. But like you say, I can appreciate that pottery like clothing can be personal.

Will steer clear of the pen idea then mate. Possibly think along the lines of a nice set of cufflinks or a money clip maybe

[roddy]

The things she sent along were very "Florida"--colored sand in a bottle, sea shells, starfish, Disney memorabilia, etc. My mother-in-law flat out refused to accept any of the gifts, and was offended that my mother would send her stuff of "such quality".

James, I suggest you send your girlfriend home with similar gifts for her mother, so you too can determine if she's an unreasonable old cow or not.

(no offence to the M-i-L, Kdavid )

[jbradfor]

Possibly think along the lines of a nice set of cufflinks or a money clip maybe

Humm, now maybe it's my turn to keep being negative. Do people use money clips in China? Personally, I've always thought that money clips were weird, but that's just me. And does anyone still use cufflinks?

As a "generic" gift for men, people have suggested various types of alcohol, such as wine or liquor. Just as we know that all woman around the world are into handbags and beauty, we know that all men around the world like to drink alcohol.

the area I am from is called the potteries

Ah. That does change things, if you want to give a "local" gift. Maybe you should do that as per roddy's suggestion above

[jkhsu]

My suggestion actually is to stick with something that is unique to your culture but not too heavy or large since your gf will be carrying the items. As some have said, when it comes to gift giving as a foreigner, you really can't go overboard and the expectations can be high. It's hard to to strike that balance. What I can tell you is that a lot of Chinese natives visiting the US are buying iPad2s. That's probably a bit too expensive in your situation (and may not be appropriate) but thought I'd mention it anyway.

[roddy]

. As some have said, when it comes to gift giving as a foreigner, you really can't go overboard and the expectations can be high.

And as others have said, nonsense. Even if that family are expecting expensive luxury gifts (where have you met Chinese people before, in the queue at Louis Vuitton?) that's an expectation best disappointed early and often.

[jkhsu]

Even if that family are expecting expensive luxury gifts (where have you met Chinese people before, in the queue at Louis Vuitton?) that's an expectation best disappointed early and often.

My personal opinion is that when giving gifts in this scenario, one should not try to go over one's means. So in essence, I agree with you. How much one wants to give is really subjective to that person, though. However, from talking to many native Chinese about this topic before, I think going in with the thought that "Hey, although I am a Westerner and I know you expect things of me, I don't really care about your expectations, take it or leave it" kind of attitude really ticks off a lot of native Chinese about Westerners. Like I said, my suggestion is to strike that balance.

[xiaotao]

Chinese don't like clutter or useless things. How about a specialty food, hard alcohol, cigerrettes (if they smoke). To be on the safe side, ask your girlfriend for suggestions. I'd read a all about Chinese etiquette. Make sure to fight for the restaurant bill when you get there. Chinese folk do that. Have fun!

[xiaotao]

I skimmed over your post the first time. If only your girlfriend is going, I don't think a gift would be necessary. It depends on how serious the relationship is. I would save it until you meet them in person.