Gift Idea Required

[xianhua]

The point that I was making to the OP was to highlight the fact that gift-giving in China is not necessarily the same as gift-giving in the UK. For starters, your said gift will probably be kept on display in the house for several days to show appreciation. I appreciate that you will not be there personally, but do you really want to be associated with something cheap?

In short, a gift is likely to be taken in a more serious manner than your average spend-a-tenner-that's-nice-forget-about-it British way. This is just my interpretation based on giving gifts to Chinese family and friends.

As for learning Chinese, your girlfriend may well appreciate your initial efforts. However, once you get past the elementary stage and start asking questions every night such as why 好容易 and 好不容易 are not antonyms, or the connection between bragging and cows (吹牛), then she'll long for your monolingual days. ;)

[jkhsu]

xianhua is right in that you should put some thought into this to avoid being labeled "小气" by her relatives. I can't emphasize how important it is for Chinese people to have "face" among friends and relatives. Whether you like it or not, it's part of the culture to be able to brag to others about things. I mean there are situations where people would actually lie about receiving a gift or an amount of money to others just to save face. This is done quite often.

That said, it's perfectly fine in your situation to not give anything also. But if you are going to give something, get something that is difficult to get in China or unique to your culture. I am not sure the money clip is a good idea because they would think why don't you just give us money instead? Where's the money that's supposed to go with the money clip? Also, as roddy suggested, you don't need to buy for everyone. Just get something for her parents and maybe something for the kid.

[roddy]

You seem to be saying that it's really really important to give something really good, and fine to not give anything. Come on, what, exactly, would you give? An Ipad2 or a set of postcards from a local beauty spot? You're confusing me.

[jkhsu]

Definitely not a set of postcards! I more or less wanted to offer the OP some viewpoints that he should consider when thinking about the gifts. I actually think the pottery idea is unique and fine but I'd probably add a few more things. If it were me, I would head over to the local outlets (not sure if the OP has them) and look into some name brand clothing and accessories such as leather shoes, belts, wallets, polo shirts, sweaters, etc. Those are typically easy to carry and useful. In his situation an iPad2 is overboard but I am sure the kid would love it (assuming they don't have it already).

[imron]

Good long-term advice, perhaps, but not for this situation.

Yeah, you're right, that definitely more long-term advice.

I think a pen however would not be a bad idea, especially if it's a nice quality fountain pen (make sure it's black ink). Quite a few people I know have a pen like this that is basically their "important pen" that they use when signing documents or similar.

I will be running my ideas by my girlfriend before I brought, but wanted her to know I have put thought into my ideas, I know this is something that will make her happy.

I get this point, but how is asking strangers on the Internet for advice any different from asking your girlfriend for advice? Both show that you are being considerate and want to make sure you are getting something appropriate.

[jbradfor]

I think a pen however would not be a bad idea, especially if it's a nice quality fountain pen (make sure it's black ink). Quite a few people I know have a pen like this that is basically their "important pen" that they use when signing documents or similar.

If that is the case, I'd gladly admit I was wrong and a pen is a good idea. Other opinions on how popular a high-end pen would be in China?

[abcdefg]

So I thought a nice little gesture would be appreciated.

I have very little experience with how to butter up a girlfriend's parents, but last year before I went to Thailand for a new visa stamp, my Kunming girlfriend pointedly reminded me she liked perfume.

Bought her a small flask of Chanel Number 5 at the duty free airport store in Bangkok and presented it to her upon my return. Not many smiles; not much joy. Hugs and kisses, few to none.

1. It was too small. Should have bought a big bottle of something more dilute.

2. The packaging was "understated" in simple white and black; no flashy red and gold trimmings.

3. She had never heard of Chanel and only partially believed me that it was a famous brand.

The day was not entirely lost, however, because when she asked, "How much did it cost?" I showed her the receipt. It had been expensive, so she was finally satisfied and said "Thanks."

The point that I was making to the OP was to highlight the fact that gift-giving in China is not necessarily the same as gift-giving in the UK.

I could not agree more. The cultural differences are vast.

[jbradfor]

You're just lucky that when you showed her the receipt, she didn't yell at you for spending too much money and being wasteful.

[amandagmu]

I agree with xiaotao. Let your girlfriend bring them a gift, maybe she can even say it's from both of you. I'd stay away from sending anything along that's just from you.

In my experience, visiting people in person anywhere in China I follow the general rule that packaging means more than product itself. If it looks like it cost a lot, such as a fancy bottle of alcohol in a lovely red and gold box, or dried fruits in a fancy box - then that matters more. Last time I was at home I fretted in a local souvenir shop because I needed to get something to give professors in Beijing and I was irritated that when I found these lovely keychains carved with the city and school on it the store didn't have any nice boxes and just put them in generic plastic bags. (Can't imagine a place like Beida would ever consider not providing a lovely padded box with one of theirs...)

[James 1980]

Pen wise, I was thinking something along the lines of the below link, not over priced like the Montblanc, but of good quality, possibly get it engraved

http://www.penheaven.co.uk/parker-sonnet-red-gold-trim-fountain-pen/p1145

Im still thinking the pottery idea isnt too bad, after all people thoughts. A nice tea pot,or a set of cup and saucers from royal daulton or wedgewood.

Seems alot of mixed opinions, which I have taken on board

[jkhsu]

I think your engraved pen and pottery idea is not bad at all. The question is, how expensive is the pottery and how is it unique? Her relatives will probably want to tell their friends/relatives about this pottery you gave them and that it is "expensive" or "hand made", or something they can brag about.

[jkhsu]

I have Chinese friends who are very much into their premium teas but truth be told, their definition of premium tea does not extend to teas from outside of China.

You're so right. My experience was with cigarettes. I'm not a smoker so I know nothing about cigarettes but when I was first told that someone liked cigarettes, the initial thought that came to my mind was that they must want some nice US brand cigarettes since I'm coming from the USA. It turned that they just wanted the "中華" brand. Good thing the airport duty free shops carried them. It's now become a routine thing for me to buy 中華 cigarettes when I head over to China.

[Scoobyqueen]

I think it sounds like you have given it a lot of thought. That alone shows you care a lot. I think this is a great start.

My job means I always have to think about gifts for chinese people but this is mainly in a business context. It seems at the end of the day they are mostly interested in brands, brands and more brands.

Last time at a press conference I brought Svarowski pens and Hugo Boss ties and it went down really well. Pens are definitely ok as long as it is well known brand. The Stoke on trent pottery seems like a good idea as i provides a talking point. ask you girlfriend first though since some of the pottery you can get in China is also really good hand made stuff. You can buy a fruit bowl maybe.

[imron]

To be honest, I don't think pottery is the best idea. It's typically heavy, bulky and breaks easily in luggage. Last thing you want is to buy something nice, only to have it in pieces when your girlfriend arrives.

[WestTexas]

I'm going to suggest my personal favorite gift regardless of culture: a bottle of wine. The fact is everyone appreciates a bottle of wine. Even if the person is a wine snob and thinks the bottle you chose is crap, they can still use it for cooking. Even if they don't drink, they can use it for cooking. Or serve it to guests. Or give it to someone else. The bottle of wine is also of mysterious value - again, unless the person is a wine snob, they'll probably have no idea how much it costs.

I think this is an especially good idea for China, because the imported wine here has a massive price increase from what it costs in the US (or the UK, most likely), so even a mediocre bottle of wine is quite expensive here. It is strongly associated with wealth and such, and as a result most Chinese have no idea what good wine tastes like, they just drink it for status.

I remember reading an article about a scheme they had where attractive young girls would lure rich men into certain bars or restaurants and then have the rich men order bottles of wine for them to drink together. The bar owner would put crap wine into an expensive wine bottle, and water it down, and then sell it to the rich guys for like 2000 yuan. And the rich guys had no idea. They would buy bottle after bottle, and keep drinking because the wine was watered down so they weren't drunk. The point is, a lot of Chinese would not know a good bottle of wine if it hit them in the face, and having tried some of the 'wine' sold here I can definitely believe this story.

Oh, buy red though, white is definitely not as popular here (no idea why).

As for all the anecdotes about "I bought Chinese person X a gift and they didn't like it" - screw them. If they want to be petty that's their business. If the Chinese girl's parents are like my parents they are going to dislike the boy the girl brings home regardless of what he does, so what are you worried about?

[James 1980]

The question is, how expensive is the pottery and how is it unique?

The pottery itself can range in price, it can be quite expensive. Your talking a couple of hundred for a nice tea pot upto a couple of thousand, fruit bowl also quite alot. You can watch it being made if you go down to the factory itself which I think we will do, cause they will let you have a go of your own. Luckily I know someone who works there and get 60% off, so I can go for pricey and not pay over the odds ;)

I saw my girlfriend last night and ran my ideas past her and she said they were lovely thoughts, and that we will go together to purchase, she doesnt want me to spend too much on them cause of our situation, and said as I stated earlier that her parents are not materialistic, and that they would prefer us to save our money to make a nice life.

Cheers for comments guys

[jkhsu]

Please let us know what you end up getting. Is it the pottery and pen? And who's getting what?

[roddy]

she doesnt want me to spend too much on them cause of our situation, and said as I stated earlier that her parents are not materialistic, and that they would prefer us to save our money to make a nice life.

Good. You'd think from some of the posts in here that they were Gollums waiting for their preciouses.

[James 1980]

Thats what I thought at first haha, looking for advise and got fear.

Pottery will be for her parents, will choose with my girlfriend when we go up to the wedgewood factory, whether it be a tea pot, or fruit bowl as suggested etc. The Pen would be for her brother. Will let you know what I purchase and how it goes down

[roddy]

There's nothing wrong with the pen, but I might go for something there that can be for the brother and his family, rather than just him. And sticking in even something cheap for the niece will go a long way.