Learning a language with your spouse / SO

[rezaf]

I know plenty of Chinese or Taiwanese people with amazing English, and nobody's giving them a tv show.

Because English is easy.

[AlexBlackman]

@rezaf... I guess you've never spoken with many Chinese in English.

[rezaf]

@rezaf... I guess you've never spoken with many Chinese in English.

I think it's mostly because of their methods of teaching and also their attitude in the class not because it's more difficult for Chinese people to learn English. My language(Farsi) has little in common with either English or Chinese, so I think I can be a good judge for that. 3 years ago I spent about 2 months in the UK and went to an English school in London. The school was full of Asian students. The method was very good and needed the students to participate in discussions and games. Among the Asian students the Koreans were the most active and the fastest learners but the Taiwanese students were very shy and they always tried to avoid the discussions. We didn't have anyone from Mainland China but I think they would be the same.

[jkhsu]

We didn't have anyone from Mainland China but I think they would be the same.

I can't completely agree with this statement. While probably true to a certain extent, my experience with Mainland students is that they are more outgoing than Taiwanese. I thought that was a bit odd at first but I believe it's true from my own observations.

[jkhsu]

I know plenty of Chinese or Taiwanese people with amazing English, and nobody's giving them a tv show.

They are anchoring the news here in California, USA. There are plenty of immigrant Chinese in US, Canada, Australia, etc. who are fluent in English. It's not a big deal.

[rezaf]

I can't completely agree with this statement. While probably true to a certain extent, my experience with Mainland students is that they are more outgoing than Taiwanese. I thought that was a bit odd at first but I believe it's true from my own observations.

I don't know much about the English classes in China but once I went to an Australian teacher's English class who also was very experienced and used those new energetic methods of teaching. She was trying so hard to get the students to speak but they were not really cooperating, according to my experience the same kind of class would turn to a hot debate if there were students from some other countries.

[renzhe]

I'm always puzzled when somebody mentions excellent new language study methods which fail with Asian students, and then come to the conclusion that there is some problem with them.

If the methods don't work, then they are not really good methods. A good study method is the one that gives results. And often different people need different approaches.

It's a general comment, not directed at anybody in this discussion, but it keeps coming up.

[rezaf]

I'm always puzzled when somebody mentions excellent new language study methods which fail with Asian students, and then come to the conclusion that there is some problem with them.

If the methods don't work, then they are not really good methods. A good study method is the one that gives results. And often different people need different approaches.

It's a general comment, not directed at anybody in this discussion, but it keeps coming up.

There are only two methods one that motivates you to talk and one that doesn't. Which one do you think is a better method for learning how to speak?

I don't know if you have ever been to university in China with Chinese students but the method that they use is pretty much the same. The teacher reads from the textbook or ppt and the students either listen or fall asleep and then they give you a ton of stuff to memorize and at the end of the day no one really cares if you understand them or not as long as you memorize everything. This might work for some courses but certainly not for learning how to speak and I imagine if someone has been taught like this for all his life then it would be difficult to change.

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Anyway back to the topic:

For people here with a different native language than ones spouse's, in which one (or both) of you are trying to learn the others' native language (I mean seriously learn, as if we don't have any non-serious people here), what has been your experience with getting help from and/or helping your spouse?

As I have mentioned before no matter what I do my Chinese wife speaks in English with me all the time and I don't even dare to ask her anything about Chinese. A few days ago I asked her how she says something in Shanghainese but she suddenly got angry and started punching me(and of course I taijied her energy. ) Before her excuse was that my Chinese wasn't good enough but now her excuse is that for her speaking English is easier than speaking Chinese.

[Silent]

With the mixed couples I see around me it is the same as Lelan says, I think partly because the woman's English is already better than the man's Chinese, she is more eager to speak English than he is to speak Chinese, and he is a bit lazy.

I think it's pretty simple. People tend to communicate with the least resistence. In most situations that's the language with the least difference in skill-level assuming reasonable knowledge of that language with both partners. These skill levels don't change overnight so there's generally no reason to switch languages. The fact that the choosen language is actively used on a daily basis makes it hard to learn another language to a better level and switch languages in a natural way. Actively changing language is hard as it has a negative effect on the communication.

A bit different situation may occur when the choosen language is a mix of languages. When a mix of English and Chinese is spoken it's relatively easy to slowly shift towards a certain language. Also when both partners speak a different language, one speaks English and the other Chinese it's easier to change as there is more opportunity to master the other language.

[Meng Lelan]

A few days ago I asked her how she says something in Shanghainese but she suddenly got angry and started punching me(and of course I taijied her energy. )

I don't know about others here in the Forums, but I am becoming increasingly concerned about this relationship.

[rezaf]

I see it as a free 实战 practice.