Freaky incident last night

[Liebkuchen]

Last night, I was with another female, a Chinese girl who now lives in France but speaks English too and we collected a male Chinese only speaking visitor from the main university entrance to walk him back to our apartment. It was maybe 9.30pm and dark on our poorly lit campus.

We got maybe 200m up and along before my female friend turns to me and says "That man's following us. The one in the baseball cap". I initially dismissed it but on looking behind me, there was a guy in a baseball cap maybe 60m behind us. We turned up another street and he was still there which was becoming a bit too much of a coincidence.

I didn't want him to see where we lived so decided that if he turned with us behind the parking spaces, it was in too a secluded an area if anything kicked off and he was upto something. So, realising that yes, he was going to turn behind the cars with us I turned around and (unhelpfully) shouted "You ARE following us! Why are you following us?" And he turns and goes "Yes, I heard you speaking English and I wanted to listen and practice my English". At which point I got my friend to tell him that I thought he was going to mug us and that if he wanted to talk he should say hello during the day! Gave him a handshake and he shot off.

Going to mention it to our office contact when I see him later.

I didn't feel threatened once he explained. It was just like the punchline for a bad joke. Now I've heard of and met one or two English 'stalkers' but was this extreme?

[skylee]

If he had said hello you might be telling us that Chinese people always yell "hello" to you. haha.

[heifeng]

To be honest, that does sounds extreme, but I can totally imagine it happening (FYI you may also get followed by little kids and preteen students who may have never heard a foreigner speak English firsthand before..of course this will probably cause much less panic ). HOWEVER, it's very important to be on the lookout when you are out and about and not being afraid to get LOUD and find help if you feel threatened--- so I think you two did the right thing. Even if this case really was just an extreme English student, you never know what could happen. You might as well tell your office, you never know if your complaint can help someone else--just in case this guy isn't as innocent as he claims.

Roddy doesn't like me to scaremonger on the board, but I've had a few really frightening encounters with what I can only describe as disturbed men in China who were clearly targeting the only foreign girl walking down the street to satisfy some truly perverted thrill. Also a classmate of mine had a really random encounter with a strange guy who tried to force himself in her dorm room to 'study' English and be friends. Anyway, as a female traveler, take as many proactive measures as possible to prevent a dangerous situation from developing AND if something seems wrong know what your options are for getting help right away so that you are not by yourself with a crazy creeper whose true intentions no one can really know for sure.

[WestTexas]

(removed)

[Liebkuchen]

The main odd thing, aside from the distance he followed us, was that he seemed older- maybe 30ish- than your average student.

Somewhat alarmingly, my friend said at lunchtime she's is 80-90% sure she saw the same guy at the carpark overlooking our apartment entrance at 10am. I've just let 'our man' in the office know. Not panicking, just rather nerve rattled after a bad night hallucinating that Korea had invaded due to the 999 Chinese herbal medicine granules a friend had given me to help a virus... (God, I'll be glad when this week is over...)

[roddy]

Roddy doesn't like me to scaremonger on the board

I think I might have commented negatively on the value of 'My classmate told me about this story he'd heard about this girl who . . .' stories, which to be honest seem to be getting into urban myth territory, but I would hope I didn't discourage first-hand tales and sensible advice

[Meng Lelan]

men in China who were clearly targeting the only foreign girl walking down the street to satisfy some truly perverted thrill.

Something like that happened to me in China back in the 1990s. There was a Chinese middle age guy off campus who would venture onto my campus or close to my campus to check out the foreign females. He saw me buying laundry soap at the student store and started up a conversation but none of it in English. I mentioned I was going to Tianjin that evening and we parted ways. Incredibly, I was boarding the train to Tianjin that evening and he was there! Gave me a gift which I still have. But I know that he was constantly stalking my campus for foreign females. But he didn't care about English.

[abcdefg]

This does sound like suspicious and "atypical" behavior. You were wise to be concerned and cautious. Every place in the world has at least a few creepy guys who prey on vulnerable women.

I've been told by female Chinese friends that one strategy they often employ is to take out their mobile phone and begin a conversation with a good friend or relative at the first hint something might not be right. Then if things "go south" at least somebody knows where you are and can alert the authorities on your behalf.

[amandagmu]

I do exactly what abcdefg says, no matter WHERE I am in the world.

With that said, I've had similar incidents to what Leibkuchen has mentioned, albeit I notice it more when I'm walking alone and much less since in Beijing I tend to walk fast these days (always busy, and with the pace of a big city and subway crowds) and have done my best to 'integrate' - you know, like lining up with the other 煎饼 people to get my order perfect and then fighting a bit when I need to, such as when standing in a service window line or something. When I first arrived, and sometimes when I'm out running, I have attracted an inordinate amount of attention, likely due to the simple fact that I am tall for women here and have long blonde hair. This makes me the most likely target for people having conversations about me right in front of my face on the subway, buses, or just when they're bored and want to practice English (usually the least intrusive people, small children are cute!). The only time I have actually confronted anyone was once in a bookstore (西单书店大厦, so all in Chinese!) some guys were standing about 10 feet away, staring at me while I searched the shelves for stuff related to my research, and began a conversation about what kind of chic I was - Russian? American? based on my looks /face. I found my book, walked by them, and said "你好。其实，我是美国人." Smiled and walked away.

I have lots of creepy stalker stories from the days I studied at BLCU and a good one from 大连 when I studied there, but the most recent one that isn't so creepy, just a bit odd, and is related to the "foreign woman thrill" thing mentioned. I was out with some friends (thankfully) in a big group down near Sanlitun. There was this Chinese guy I'd met through a friend of a friend on several occasions - he just kept showing up at their get-togethers even though I don't think he was really that close to any of them... I guess he wanted the English practice too. He got in the habit of insisting he hug me every time we met up and parted ways -- a little odd for me since I don't really know him. The last time I saw him, a few months ago, we had our first "long" (10+ minutes!) chat, in the big group setting but just between the two of us, out of earshot of our mutual friends. At the point in the conversation where I mentioned my husband he said "oh! you're married! So does this mean we can't have sex tonight?" At which point I burst out laughing from shock, and his face fell... to summarize the rest of this story, I told him I thought it was time I should be getting home.... as he continued to tell me he knew that other foreign women, even those with children, had other men....so why not? that may be the case, but seriously--- WTF?

Thankfully, I never gave him my mobile phone number! (previous experiences taught me well)

[gougou]

Somewhat alarmingly, my friend said at lunchtime she's is 80-90% sure she saw the same guy at the carpark overlooking our apartment entrance at 10am.

I'm not sure how alarming that needs to be - after all, you told him to say hello during the day... There are quite a few socially inept but harmless people around universities all over the world, so try not to discard that option entirely. But yeah, make sure you're safe first!

[Matty]

I think you're right to be concerned, his justification seems somewhat flawed...

"Yes, I heard you speaking English and I wanted to listen and practice my English"

So he's listening to what you're saying...

my female friend turns to me and says

"That man's following us. The one in the baseball cap"

Yet he doesn't take any hints...

If he can't infact hear you, then following the two of you seems quite pointless for that purpose.

===========================

I'm also a little confused about your friend

"Last night, I was with another female, a Chinese girl who now lives in France"

This happened in China or France? I'd assume China, but did she go back to France today?

~ This could be my lack of sleep catching up with me

[Liebkuchen]

Hi Gougou- I didn't explain that the foreign teacher accomodation is in a remoter corner of the campus on the edge before a country hill and beside a reception venue. Few people are there casually- usually at a wedding, or a worker going to and from the kitchens. So it would be unexpected to see him there. I agree, that if I saw him in a populated or busy area it wouldn't mean anything.

Matty- sorry. This all happened in China. But I was with a Chinese girl who has now married a Frenchman and is now back in China doing a work placement for her french university MA in teaching French to foreigners....It confuses most people at first- especially the Chinese...She also speaks good English and was acting as my intepreter.

I've since heard stories from a friend of a friend...about problems with random men and also male students harrassing females or standing at/throwing stuff at windows and the campus police deciding they had more important things to deal with...

Edited October 11, 2011 at 05:05 AM by Liebkuchen