Single? Sad? Read this.

[kari]

If, for example, kari comes from a more rural area and few of her peers have a college education, 24 may very well feel late.

Ding ding ding! I live in rural southern Mississippi. There are teenagers here with more kids than my married friends... So yes, in my "culture/society" it's odd that I'm still single. Lots of people attend college here but my town is not a college town -- in fact, the nearest college is 30 miles away.

EDIT:

My parents were married at ages 17 and 19, and my grandparents were married at ages 16 and 21. Getting married young here is not uncommon.

[马盖云]

Jbradfor,

when I read your final paragraph, the wikipedia quote, the first thing that popped into my mind （想起来！）was the opening sequence from the movie 《Idiocracy》!

Attached here is a youtube link, no idea what the subtitles are there for, but the dialog is in English.

http://youtu.be/BXRjmyJFzrU

[Meng Lelan]

The most extreme case a girl of 14-16 (seemed to have a different age every time it came up). I told her she was very attractive, a couple of days later she told me she had talked to her mother and that her mother thought it was a good idea to marry a foreigner....

Is that legal in China? In Texas someone age 18 and over having a sexual relation with someone under age 18 can be taken to court and considered a sex offender.

[skylee]

In Texas someone age 18 and over having a sexual relation with someone under age 18 can be taken to court and considered a sex offender.

Interesting. What if both (consenting) parties are below 18?

I found this interesting so I searched on the internet and found that here there is a presumption in the legal sense that a boy under 14 years of age is incapable of sexual intercourse. Thus "In Hong Kong, two 13-year-old boys were convicted in June 2009 of indecently assaulting a 12-year-old girl. It was clear that sexual intercourse had taken place between the first defendant and the victim but the defendant could only be charged with indecent assault, rather than rape, because of the application of the presumption."

But this is getting far too off-topic. Sorry.

[yialanliu]

I think we should differentiate American and Chinese views.

In China, getting married earlier for a girl is much more of a requirement rather than what is considered "good".

There have been plenty of posts on renren wang remarking the so called graduate studies trap where plenty of people advocate for girls to get married rather than go get a masters especially since in China, the further up the education ladder you go, the more heavily it is skewed with more girls going for these advanced degrees.

In the US, people who are educated with advanced degrees tend to mary later and it is completely okay. In China, it is oftentimes better to get married earlier.

For instance, prior to me announcing my intentions to get married, my fiance was going to pursue graduate school. Now she is not so sure anymore about going for the advanced degree because she would rather get married and have kids early rather than later. This is often very different in the US from what I have seen.

All of my male friends between 25-35 have a strong preference for girls 20-25 and that's the way China works for the people who can choose who to date.

An aside for American marriage age, it varies from 13 and up with parental consent so you can get married very early in the United States.

[skylee]

An aside for American marriage age, it varies from 13 and up with parental consent so you can get married very early in the United States.

Very interesting. Which state(s) allow(s) marriage at 13? In HK the age of consent is 16.

[wushijiao]

At the risk of sounding out of touch, and at the risk of giving relationship advice (which I'm totally unqualified to do -- no false modesty), I think these discussions about China in terms of love and relationships are always a bit risky. What are "Chinese views" on love/relationships are very hard to quantify, and even if it were possible to generalize with a high degree of accuracy, those generalization do not necessarily apply to the person or person's family that one might become involved with.

I think for all people, which group or nationality they come from may be an important lawyer of their identity, and it's important to understand and respect that, but trying to determine individual attitudes, behaviors, and emotions beyond that is probably not a good idea.

[kari]

Quote

An aside for American marriage age, it varies from 13 and up with parental consent so you can get married very early in the United States.

Very interesting. Which state(s) allow(s) marriage at 13? In HK the age of consent is 16.

I was thinking the same thing. I hope isn't my state. I know of someone married here at age 12....one of my great-aunts. -_-

What are "Chinese views" on love/relationships are very hard to quantify, and even if it were possible to generalize with a high degree of accuracy, those generalization do not necessarily apply to the person or person's family that one might become involved with.

After reading everyone's answers it's best to say that you cannot stereotype love in China (or in America for that matter). Not that I did, but I wanted more understanding of it, being a foreigner so interested in Chinese culture and language. My unmarried Chinese friend is tight-lipped about her relationship, even keeping it from her mother (and probably her sister), but she told me and my mom about it. Her Chinese boyfriend is in New York and she's down here, but she goes to NY for about 3-5 months at a time. I'm thinking she hasn't told her mother yet because she doesn't want her to push marriage on her.

[jbradfor]

Is that legal in China? In Texas someone age 18 and over having a sexual relation with someone under age 18 can be taken to court and considered a sex offender.

I'm presuming the parents would want them to get married first, in which case yes, it would be legal, even in Texas

Oh yeah, and the age of consent in Texas is 17, not 18. But, just in case you have someone particular in mind, "Section 21.12 further prohibits all sexual contact between an employee of a school (including educators) and a student enrolled at the primary or secondary school where said employee works (unless the student is the employee's spouse). No age is specified by the statute (thus, even if the student has reached consent age of 17, it is still a violation), and violations are a second degree felony." [source]

[jbradfor]

Very interesting. Which state(s) allow(s) marriage at 13? In HK the age of consent is 16.

Since it's come up twice now.....

First, "age of consent" in the USA usually refers to consenting to sexual relations, not get married.

Second, if you want to read the details, you can read all about it. But let's take Mississippi as an example, in honor of kari

Parental consent is needed if under 21 years of age. If parents or guardians do not give consent at time of application, they will be notified via certified mail. The marriage application will be held for three (3) days. Marriage licenses cannot be issued to males under 17, or females under 15 years of age. If the clerk receives a signed authorization from the parents, this minimum age requirement can be waived.

So by my reading of this, the age to get married is 17 (males) / 15 (females), but even younger can get married if the parents request it and the court agrees.

[kari]

^ Exactly. Now, I'm not saying everyone down here gets married that early... but ladies like me aren't that easy to find. jbradfor, thank you for the salute! I'm restoring the good name of Mississippi! *bows*

[Meng Lelan]

I'm presuming the parents would want them to get married first, in which case yes, it would be legal, even in Texas

I'm talking about the two being unmarried, and if the over 18 has sex with the younger than 18, even with consent, the over 18 can be considered a sex offender. That is why here a lot of parents have to talk to their teen just right before their 18th birthday telling them they cannot even have consented sex with anyone younger than 18. So no, not everything is legal in Texas.

[jbradfor]

They better have "the talk" at age 17. And just tell them to stay away from 14-year-olds (and younger)

The age of consent in Texas is 17 (Texas Penal Code Section 21.11). However, "...It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the actor...was not more than three years older than the victim and of the opposite sex...(and) did not use duress, force, or a threat against the victim at the time of the offence" and is not a registered sex offender Section 21.11 (b).

[source]

[yialanliu]

[i'm talking about the two being unmarried, and if the over 18 has sex with the younger than 18, even with consent, the over 18 can be considered a sex offender. That is why here a lot of parents have to talk to their teen just right before their 18th birthday telling them they cannot even have consented sex with anyone younger than 18. So no, not everything is legal in Texas.

Not true, at least it wasn't in Massachusetts since I looked it up when I turned 18 because it would have affected me.

It turns out that in MA and most states, +-3 is considered okay if there is consent involved. So as long as the person doesn't accuse you of rape, it's not rape. Remember, statutory rape is rape even with consent because it is assumed that a person who is a minor cannot consent. This gives a pass to people who can have a relationship with someone slightly younger. I was 18, she was 16. In addition to this, I later found out in MA age of consent was only 16 hehe.

In addition to this, it is only a misdemeaner when the person is within +-6. So a person doesn't become a pedophile if he/she themself are within that age as it is reasonable to assume that one would be dating someone younger even if it is say 4-5 years younger. While in that case, it is considered a misdemeanor, not a felony.

[wushijiao]

After reading everyone's answers it's best to say that you cannot stereotype love in China (or in America for that matter). Not that I did, but I wanted more understanding of it, being a foreigner so interested in Chinese culture and language.

Sorry, Kari, I didn't mean to aim my comments at you, and I think the way you framed this issue in the first post is quite good.

[kari]

Sorry, Kari, I didn't mean to aim my comments at you, and I think the way you framed this issue in the first post is quite good.

No need to apologize! No one took aim at me here. I'm glad everyone had such insightful answers to help out this country girl. 谢谢你们。

[skylee]

Re the topic of marrying young. Here is a video of a news report aired yesterday, which I think is somewhat relevant. It is on youtube, in Cantonese (note the Indian reporter, she speaks perfect Cantonese and is obviously proficient in Chinese) with subtitles in traditional Chinese.

有中學稱少數族裔同學被迫結婚而退學

[kari]

Interesting, Skylee. Thanks for the share.

Yes, her Cantonese is good, but I can hear her accent.

[skylee]

Really? You can hear her accent? I can't. I think her Cantonese is quite perfect.

[kari]

Yes. It's strange, but I can. This isn't related, but I've noticed Lee Donghae's (of Korean boyband Super Junior) accent when he speaks or sings, and I don't know much Korean. I just know he just sounds different than the rest of his bandmates.

My mom has an innate sense of picking up people's accents. Maybe she passed it on to me, lol. Anyway, thanks for the link.