Change in plans and need advice

[Areckx]

So, if anyone has been following my posts, I had been planning to apply for the 2013 CSC scholarship.

There is fantastic news! I have met the woman I am going to marry. We are engaged, getting ready for marriage in 2014, and she absolutely loves Japan and wants to learn Japanese, which I started teaching her.

This is amazing, and I am excited for our new life together, but she absolutely will NOT move to ANYWHERE in China. Now, I love Japanese and Chinese language, but As a part of my career as an interpreter and translator, I would definitely want Chinese (mandarin for now, cantonese later on) in my skillset(resume)

Most likely I would be working a lot with Chinese while living in Japan, translating documents/comics??? I don't know the details and frankly am not concerned with them until after my degrees, but I want to do what's best for the both of us.

What do you have to say?

[Shelley]

I am not sure i am qualified to give advice that will affect the rest of your life, but heres my take on the whole thing.

If you are sure that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with then you have to decide yourself how important your chinese/japanese studies and ultimetly your life career is. How long have you been together.? Don't jump into something so big too soon.

Can you think of how much you will miss not living in china will affect you. You do not want 10 or 15 years down the line to feel that your partner has ruined your choices and now you are full of regret and take it out on her.

One question, where are you now?

Why is china so repulsive to her, has she been? Maybe a short visit may change her mind.

This is a really, really big decsion that YOU must make. Think about it carefully and alot, it sounds like you will have plenty of time to think if things are not happening till 2014.

I personally would be unwilling to commit to a relationship that had no room to manouver on something so important to me.

Enjoy things now as they are and see what happens, it could all change.

Good luck

Shelley

[icebear]

Can you think of how much you will miss not living in china will affect you. You do not want 10 or 15 years down the line to feel that your partner has ruined your choices and now you are full of regret and take it out on her.

Think of all your options. Sort them by the ones you'll regret most in a year or three if you forgo them now. Pursue one that is near the top of that list. You'll have chances to start relatively late and be moderately successful at a lot of typical goals throughout your life; unique/novel opportunities may only present themselves a few times, if at all.

[i'm deliberately leaving opportunities vague; don't take the advice of anyone except personal friends too seriously regarding something as big as a massive commitment, no one else has a good enough context and will respond according to your own biased representation of the situation.]

[Areckx]

Thank you.

[putonghua73]

Questions. Always questions!

Do you have to be in China? Is this for your CSC scholarship? Or can you study elsewhere and still apply? How much room do you have to negotiate? Can you move to Taiwan for instance?

If you wish to solely learn Mandarin, then you have options and a degree of wiggle-space to manoeuvre. If, on the other hand you absolutely have to be in China as a condition of your CSC scholarship, then that's a different matter.

In the past, I would be quite binary about such a condition. Now, there are more options and ways to try and resolve a situation. As Shelley mentions what are her concerns about China? Her resistance points? Did she know beforehand that you might have to live in China? More importantly, how long would you be in China? Months? Years?

If you are both sure that you are right for each other (that's for you to decide - besides, you didn't want advice on that question) then there are ways and means to make this work e.g. could she live in Asia-Pacific region (a form of LDR) say Hong Kong? Is Taiwan an option? What about studying Chinese in Japan via Skype (online teacher)?

I'm guessing your CSC scholarship is the crux here.

There has to be give and take in a relationship, but also a willingness to explore options to make it work for both partners. The only relationship advice I would say at this juncture is whether there are any deal-breakers in the wood-work. From my perspective, if I was due to marry someone then this issue should have arisen way, way before now.

[Shelley]

I am slightly dissapointed that the only respose from you was thank you, but at least you did respond.

I had hoped that you might answer a few of the questions that came up. Or even just a reason for not answering them.

I suppose it is because having asked our opinion, i am now interested in what effect our replies have had.

Please don't take this badly, i am not getting at you.

i just hoped for a good outcome and now i feel i won't know.

I can understand your need for privacy but you did ask our opinion.

Heres hoping it all works out for the best

Shelley

[abcdefg]

Well, it seems we have been treated to a 90 teaser from a much longer 电视剧。The original poster probably just wanted congratulations. Impetuous romance and careful career planning don't often march hand in hand. Such is life. But best wishes to you nonetheless.