age gap for couples?

[civic94]

My parents are Chinese, and my dad is 11 years older. my uncles, all of them have wives ranging from 8-10 years younger. I have a friend where his dad is 19 yrs older than his mom, and they had a great marriage.

but, in America, having that kind of age gap (10 years plus) doesn't seem normal, when most couples are 5 years difference. people view it as the man is a child molester or a woman is a cougar (if the woman is older). Having a huge age gap to the public, seems like a man is dating his daughter.

At my university, I asked a few girls from mainland china and they say that they want a man that is 5-10 yrs older, (they are 18-22 now), while the american girls at that age view someone 10 yrs older as gross.

I would say that the culture is different? I'm An ABC so Im looking at this on both sides. Personally I would say that love matters first, and the age part... 8 years is tops, I can imagine if I had a wife that is 10 years younger, and I age, and she dont feel attracted to me anymore because im wrinkled. and on top of that, women live longer, so if im gone, she will be a widow for a long, long time.

[Shelley]

I am not chinese, my husband is also not chinese. he is 7 years older than me. We have been together for 37 happy years. the age difference has never been an issue.

As you get older the age gap becomes less important. it seems to shrink. i feel we are the same age:)

Being a widow for a long time never worries me, I will have my memories to keep me company and I will never marry again. there is only one man for me:)

If I am on my own for a few years, i will enjoy myself in my retirement and fill my days with the things i love to do.

As you say love comes first, everything else can be worked out if your love is strong enough.

I don't think that the age of the person should even be discussed at first, just get to know each other and then the age will be made known at the right time ie: whenever it happens:)

Remember you will both get old and wrinkly with or without each other:)

I think girls who want an older man feel he will be able to and want to take care of them better. This is not always true:)

They also probably think he has sown his wild oats and will be ready to settle down and remain faithful, also not always true:)

The age gap is not a problem if one or the other party has not deliberatly gone out to seek such a difference.This is probably why some people feel it is wrong.

if it just so happens that the person you love is older or younger then thats just the way things are.

I would say Don't worry about it:)

I do think there is a cultural difference, but it is not really important in this multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, and multi-everything else world we are beging to see emerge as a result of the world getting smaller due to better communications and travel.

Love who you love whatever:)

[LyYenKhang]

Biologically speaking, it is simply natural for a man of any age to feel physically attracted to any young women who has passed puberty. Men are naturally attracted to physical beauty, women naturally seek after talent, maturity, stability, etc.

Americans taboo of large age differences is quite ridiculous.

And a bit of advice - if you are afraid that your wife would find you unattractive simply because you begin to physically deteriorate, you should reflect that there is more to a good marriage than mere physical attraction (although it is certainly a large factor).

[icebear]

Most people don't have the luxury of choosing who they fall in love with; it just happens. In the US or the West you might think its a function of who is in your same age-range, but that isn't true. It's who you have time to spend time with!

Don't forget the test for whether or not its creepy: (HisAge/2+7)<HerAge

(I'm saying that jokingly, but I think it highlights that the older you get the more acceptable it is to date those much younger than you, who in fact might be very mature themselves.)

[yialanliu]

It has a lot to do with financial stability. Remember, 25 years old is when you should be married for a girl for the large majority of China.

So a man who is 25 probably has 3 years of experience at work whereas someone in their 30s have a lot more. 3 Years at work is probably not enough to buy a car, house and be promoted to a good job. So that's a big factor with why it's acceptable to have the age gap. It gives the guys an opportunity to be successful and stable enough to be able to raise a family. It's a very practical look at it whereas in America the emphasis on love is much more important. Think of all those disney fairy tales, it's always about love, not about being able to provide a good financially viable life. In china, it's the opposite almost. Love is definitely important, but making sure you have the money to raise a child is just as important.

[jbradfor]

It's a very practical look at it whereas in America the emphasis on love is much more important.

While there is certainly some truth to that, I think there is another important factor. In the West (America and Europe), there is the expectation that the couple will build a financial future together. There is not the expectation that the man needs to be successful before he gets married, but rather that the couple will start with "nothing" and build their way up together.

[tooironic]

I never really understood the whole preoccupation thing with age. Maybe it's a heterosexual thing. My partner and I have been together for five years and he's 12 years my senior. It's never been an issue - if anything it's made our lives together much more interesting! People from different generations often have different ideas about the world, and you can actually learn so much from each other. So I'm all for age gaps when it comes to dating - but of course, like icebear points out, most of the time you don't have much of a choice as to who you fall in love with. Unless you're a total nickpick - in which case I'd say you're missing out.

[Eilseloc]

I think that age doesn't really matter. Its the maturity and love of the people involved that counts. my grandpa's Chinese and he married my grandma while he was 50 yrs old and my grandma 18. They had 9 children.

And most of my cousins married someone 10 yrs older than them. So I guess maturity and stability is a big factor.

[animal world]

Like many Europeans, i am not a believer in marriage. In France, many people do not get married. When they have children, everybody's rights are determined by law. In the Netherlands they have the LAT relationships. This is Living Apart Together. Each has his own place but they spend x amount of time together, spend holidays and vacations together. Seems like a good system if you have reason to trust the other party in the relationship.

I find it odd that even today it is considered unacceptable when the woman is significantly older than her man. But it is, and has always been, okay for old (rich) men to marry nineteen-year-old girls. In US culture there is enormous stigma against women getting old and women resort to excessive plastic surgery. The best example of that is the Bride of Wilderstein. Is she a sexy blonde or what?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-516768/Is-scariest-picture-EVER-Bride-Wildenstein.html

Disclaimer: the picture in the link may make you violently ill. Exercise caution in determining whether you should click on the link or not.

[WestTexas]

I'm 26 and I can't deal with women under 20 years old. They just aren't mature enough emotionally. Most of the women I've been with have been older than me or at most 1 year younger. Strangely this is how I've felt for several years... when I was in college I never cared for the freshman, always feeling more interested in upper-classmen(women?) and graduate students.

[Kenny同志]

WestTexas, I think we have something in common. I am always attracted to women older than me and I can't deal with emotionally immature women.

Edit:

And we're of the same age!

[roddy]

What a lot of fuzzy emotional nonsense. Let's look at some cold hard facts:

Figures

Average age at marriage for men is 24.7, for women it is 22.7. Hence, the average age gap is two years*. You might notice lots of middle-aged men with much younger wives, but a) they stand out more and b) that's actually the mistress.

*I have not actually done the maths. But if the women are marrying much older men, who are the young men marrying?

[roddy]

Here's some figures for Beijing, 27.8 for men and 26.2 for women. My head hurts when I try and figure out if you can extrapolate from that to average age gap though, and I can't find any figures for average age gaps (although there are plenty of articles offering advice for maximizing your 美满ness.)

[Lu]

Hurray for roddy who comes with facts.

[Outofin]

My head hurts when I try and figure out if you can extrapolate from that to average age gap though

C'mon, of course you cannot. Husbands can be younger than wives in some cases.

[anonymoose]

Edit: See post #18.

[roddy]

And what, pray tell, does that have to do with the average age gap? If, on average, women get married at 23 and men get married at 25, then on average the age gap is two years. Prove me wrong.

Three men, 25, 30 and 35, marry:

Three women, 22, 28 and 34

Giving age gaps of 3, 2 and 1

Average age of men: 30

Average age of women: 28

Average age gap: 2 years

Hurray for roddy who comes with facts.

Indeed.

[anonymoose]

It depends on whether you are calculating the average number of years older the man is than the woman (which could have a negative value if the woman is older), or the absolute age gap, regardless of whether it is the man or the woman who is older.

[Outofin]

I said husbands can be younger than wives.

Use your data:

Average age of men: 30

Average age of women: 28

With different samples:

Three men, 25, 30 and 35, marry:

Three women, 30, 28 and 26

Giving age gaps of 5, 2, and 9

Average age gap: 5.33 years

[roddy]

-5, 2, 9 = 6, average of 2. I still win. If it's a competition.