Need help editing homework in Chinese character

[retirotigre]

I wrote a short piece about a classmate for a Chinese homework assignment but I am not sure if my grammar is correct. I would really appreciate if someone here could help me fix my mistakes?

我写了一个散文关于我的同学。她的名字是 LJ. 她是十九岁, 她的生日是1990年1月1日。她 有一个姐姐. 她们是大学生。L 说韩文，日文，英文，和一点的中国。她很想去中国和日本。

要是她有空，她 看书和看电影。她喜欢睡觉。她喜欢墨西哥菜 和美国菜。­ 她喜欢喝茶。她喜欢喝茶，但是她不喝咖啡还是可乐。

The English is:

I wrote an essay about my classmate. Her name is LJ. She is 19 years old, her birthday is January 01 1990. L has an older sister. They are college students. L speaks Korean, English, Japanese, and a little Chinese. She would like to go to China and Japan.

If she has free time she reads books and watches movies. She likes to sleep. She likes Mexican and American cuisine. She likes drinking tea, but she does not drink coffee or cola.

Thank you in advance!

[edelweis]

my Chinese is not too advanced, but here are my thoughts anyway:

我写了一个散文关于我的同学。

关于我的同学 is a characteristic of your essay. Use it like it is an adjective.

Also I'm not sure whether 同学 will be understood as singular or plural. I'd insert another 一个 somewhere to make it clear.

她的名字是 LJ.

I think this is technically correct, but I suggest you review your course to check whether your teacher taught you another way to say this.

她是十九岁

please review your course contents to correct this sentence.

她们是大学生。

I think this is correct, but if you have learnt about 俩 and/or 都, you could make a more natural sounding sentence.

L 说韩文，日文，英文，和一点的中国。

not too sure about 的.

要是她有空，她 看书和看电影。

Did you learn a structure with 要是? if so you can add a missing word.

她喜欢喝茶，但是她不喝咖啡还是可乐。

did your learn the difference between 或者 and 还是?

Also if you've learnt a neither/nor structure such as 不...也不 I suggest you use it here.

[abcdefg]

If you have a lot of such writing assignments, you might want to take a look at Lang-8 where native speakers will give you corrections and suggestions. They hope you will be willing to correct their English in return.

[cherry Muzi]

okay, most of the grammar is conrrect, and but it sounds uncomfortable, as a native person, maybe i can give you some suggestions:

first is yours, second its my opinion:

I wrote an essay about my classmate.

我写了一个散文关于我的同学/我写了一篇关于我同学的散文。

here，first you know, which modify which, and not "个",it is better for " 篇" .

Her name is LJ. She is 19 years old, her birthday is January 1 1990.

她的名字是 LJ. 她是十九岁, 她的生日是1990年1月1日。/她叫 LJ，1990年1月01日出生，19岁。

your speaking way is right, but a little complicated.

L has an older sister，They are college students. L speaks Korean, English, Japanese, and a little Chinese. She would like to go to China and Japan.

她 有一个姐姐. 她们是大学生。L 说韩文，日文，英文，和一点的中国。她很想去中国和日本。

她有一个姐姐，她们两个都是大学生，L 说韩语、日语、英语和一点汉语，她很想去中国和日本。

here， i add "两个都是",beacuse you use "they", and when we say language, not 韩文，日文，英文,but 韩语、日语、英语.pls know the difference betwwen china and chinese.

If she has free time she reads books and watches movies. She likes to sleep. She likes Mexican and American cuisine. She likes drinking tea, but she does not drink coffee or cola.

要是她有空，她 看书和看电影。她喜欢睡觉。她喜欢墨西哥菜 和美国菜。­ 她喜欢喝茶。她喜欢喝茶，但是她不喝咖啡还是可乐。

如果有空，她会看书和电影。她喜欢睡觉，喜欢墨西哥菜 和美国菜，她喜欢喝茶，但是她不咖啡和可乐。

the last sentence, like something , dislike something, here is paratactic, it needs to explain clearly.

okay, anyway, it is a good essay, just wish i can help you with these advices.

[Benjamin Tan]

我写了一个散文关于我的同学。 -> 我写了一个关于我的同学的散文。

她是十九岁。 -> 她今年十九岁。

Unlike English, we don't say, "She is 19 years old." We say, "She, this year, (is) 19 years old."

她们是大学生。 -> 她们都是大学生。

What edelweis said, it's better with the 都。

L 说韩文，日文，英文，和一点的中国。 -> L 说韩语，日语，英语，和一点华语。

文 is the written language and 语 is the spoken language, since you wrote 'L 说', it should be 语 instead.

Also, 中国 is China, 中文 is Chinese, 华语 is Mandarin.

要是她有空，她 看书和看电影。-> 她有空时会看书和看电视。

'要是' means like 'if only.'

她喜欢喝茶，但是她不喝咖啡还是可乐。 -> 她喜欢喝茶，但是她不喝咖啡或可乐。

'还是' indicates an 'or' question, turning your sentence into "Does she not like coffee or coke?"

[creamyhorror]

Hi Benjamin, nice to see a fellow Singaporean here.

Quote

L 说韩文，日文，英文，和一点的中国。 -> L 说韩语，日语，英语，和一点华语。

文 is the written language and 语 is the spoken language, since you wrote 'L 说', it should be 语 instead.

Also, 中国 is China, 中文 is Chinese, 华语 is Mandarin.

In China I think the term 华语 generally isn't used. They normally say 说汉语, 说中文, or 说普通话.

[外国赤佬]

Speaking a foreign language is a learned skill, so one should use 会 before 说.

[Benjamin Tan]

Hello creamy.

If I’m not wrong, 华语 and 汉语 are interchangeable right?

[外国赤佬]

华语 is an overly politically correct term that is almost never used in China.

[creamyhorror]

If I’m not wrong, 华语 and 汉语 are interchangeable right?

I'm not sure if you can say they are, since 华语 isn't much used in China in the first place. Conversely, in Singapore, we don't use 汉语 much. They mean the same thing though (Mandarin).

[skylee]

I think they are interchangeable, but depending on the context 華語 can sound quite odd. Yesterday I met an Asian saleswoman who spoke Mandarin in Paris. Without knowing where she was from I said 啊你也是華人哦？ And she replied 誒從台灣來的。 The conversation felt perfectly normal.

I don't think 華語 is an overly politically correct term.

[malanting]

Besides some common mistakes, there are too many “她” in your writing. They sound repetitive. Here's my correction:

我写了一篇关于我同学的散文。她的名字是 LJ，今年十九岁, 生日是1990年1月1日。她有一个姐姐，她们俩都是大学生。L 会说韩文、日文、英文和一点中文/汉语。（韩语，日语，英语sounds better）她很想去中国和日本。

她喜欢在业余时间看书和电影。她也喜欢睡觉，喜欢墨西哥菜和美国菜。她喜欢喝茶，却不喝咖啡和可乐。