LyYenKhang Posted June 7, 2012 at 12:57 AM Report Posted June 7, 2012 at 12:57 AM I'm not really sure which sub-forum to post this under, so if the moderator thinks that it belongs somewhere else, please move it and sorry for the inconvenience. I am leaving for college and wanted to write my parents a good-bye poem. I'm looking for some comments, like first of all - does it make grammatical sense? Is it in good taste, or would it be laughed at? Corny? I have a few thoughts, but I'll wait and see what other people think first. This is my rough draft: 望江南 辭行恨 故國萬重離 送別愁綿綿不絕 懷椿萱一片鄉思 珠淚下霑衣 Quote
custom_art365 Posted June 7, 2012 at 02:21 AM Report Posted June 7, 2012 at 02:21 AM Very good ! 辭行恨 一去萬重離 相送綿綿愁不斷 椿萱夜夜夢相思 淚水下濕衣 Quote
LyYenKhang Posted June 7, 2012 at 02:58 AM Author Report Posted June 7, 2012 at 02:58 AM Thank you very much! I like some of your revisions a lot. My original version had 相思 but I wasn't sure if that was just for lovers. Quote
custom_art365 Posted June 7, 2012 at 03:17 AM Report Posted June 7, 2012 at 03:17 AM My original version had 相思 but I wasn't sure if that was just for lovers. Absolutely not just for lovers, I think poem contains strong feelings and get the reades' imagination involved. When I first read your poem, it reminded me of the same situation. I am sure your parents will be very happy no matter how is your poem. Quote
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