Does 是为我 rhyme with 葡萄酒?

[Guest LiXIQing]

As you can see I do not know chinese language. I don't know english as well.

But I have to write a verse in chinese, don't ask me why.

I wrote 2 first lines:

一个小铜币和一个小铅币

它们两个都是我的, 是为我, 是为我

I think they are acceptable. Maybe not. Tell me what would be better, please.

Now I have to write 2 last ones. Look at the image attached to see how many syllables they are supposed to have and what rhythm is desired.

Here are they "in prose". They lack of syllables needed. Help me, please, to correct them so as to make quatrain.

小铅币啊去买水

小铜币啊去买葡萄酒，葡萄酒

I'm very sorry if my post is offtop. If it is tell me where should I place it in order to avoid offtops in the future. And sorry for annoying, thank you for turning in.

[skylee]

I think they are acceptable. Maybe not. Tell me what would be better, please.

No, 是为我 is not acceptable here. I am not sure what you try to say, but if you want to say "they are for me" then I think repeating 是我的 is better.

[Guest LiXIQing]

I am not sure what you try to say

It's simple but I have a little trouble with english.

Here the lyrics I want to write in chinese:

"A small lead coin and a small copper coin

I have them both, yep, they are all mine

The small lead coin is to buy water (the small lead coin will be spent to buy water)

The small copper coin is to buy wine, yep, wine" (the small copper coin will be spent to buy wine)

You can see "mine" rhymes "wine"

So in the second line of chinese translation there should be a refrain rhyming with 葡萄酒.

Of course there is not any other restriction in translation but the basic sense and music scores that demand 11 syllables in first line 14 in second 11 in third and 14 in fourth.

Thank you.

[Qiulian]

I tried.

Following your instructions:

一个小铜币啊,一个小铅币。

都是我的呢，都在我手里, 凑着好久。[hao3jiu3]

我的小铅币我用买水啊，你换来水。

我的小铜币用买葡萄酒，换葡萄酒。[pu2tao5jiu3]

I'm not 100% sure about the 凑着, but I think it works.

I really really wanted to write the last line like so:

我的小铜币用买葡萄酒，你换来酒。 [My small lead coin will be used to buy wine, you'll bring me (be exchanged for) wine.]

Oh, English translation is as follows:

A small copper coin, a small lead coin.

Both are mine, both in my hands, saved (collected) for so long.

My small copper coin I'll use to buy water, you'll bring me (be exchanged for) water.

My small lead coin will be used to buy wine, be exchanged for wine.

Hope this is useful.

[skylee]

我用买水?用买葡萄酒?

[Guest LiXIQing]

Qiulian, that's very nice of you. I appreciate your time and effort.

And if we don't make something else up I will rely on you and use it with no change.

skylee reasonably asks if it is possible to use 用 in this case.

As to me, I'm satisfied and really happy with your help.

Though there is a question I have to ask too: tones in hanyu are very important and may or may not coincide with musical stress?

That phrase I proposed in the beginning is a song itself: ta1men LIANG3ge4 dou1 shi4 WO3 de and it very conviniently fits music text. But it doesn't matter much. I confide in you.

And the third line came out too long however it is not a problem, I can just add a few grace-notes to match the lyrics.

Thank you.

[Qiulian]

我的小铜币用买葡萄酒。I think the order is a little wierd but workable. Of course, switching those two 用买 for something else would be ideal, Skylee--I agree.

LiXiQing, sorry, I wasn't thinking and made the third line 14 syllables. How about 我的小铅币你啊，你换来水

[xiaocai]

They do not rhyme. Is this song written for a Chinese audience? If it is, they may not be able to understand it.

[Guest LiXIQing]

Ooh, the further, the worse. Now I see, they do not.

Yes, I want any chinese speaker to understand that song right.

[Qiulian]

Rhymes are important? /gives up

[Guest LiXIQing]

Rhymes are important?

I do not know what to say. It seems to me, yes, they are. If it's a song it has to be rhymed.

Formally 凑着好久 and 换葡萄酒 look like a rhyming pair. It's a pity if they actually are not.

[duolaliuliu]

凑着好久 and 换葡萄酒

they are a rhyming pair. but i think 凑了好久 could be better. Good luck~

[Guest LiXIQing]

Thank you all, especially Qiulian. Your aid was invaluable.

I didn't expect such a sincere interest and such a friendly attitude to my funny needs.

[Leihuangdi]

一个小铜币啊,一个小铅币。

都是我的呢，都在我手里, 凑着好久。[hao3jiu3]

我的小铅币我用买水啊，你换来水。

我的小铜币用买葡萄酒，换葡萄酒。[pu2tao5jiu3]

I think this is a significant improvement of the lyrics. I made a few slight changes to make it fit the melody, coz the sentence/phrase should finish when every musical phrase comes to an end.(I have included bar numbers in brackets as well)

（1）一个小铜币（3）啊（or和）一个小铅（5）币；

他们都是我的（7），都是我的（8）啊。我的啊。

I dont know what you want to do with the Tatata bit, so I'm just gonna post my version of the last two lines:

我（10）的小铅币用来（12）买水喝，换来水;（了is usually pronounced as liao3 while singing instead of le）

我用（14）小铜币买了（16）葡萄酒。（酒/jiu3 on the first crotchet of bar17）

I know It looks pretty messy...please do let me know what you think about the changes.

[Guest LiXIQing]

It's very interesting, but I need some time to examine it.

Now I'm writing a supporting voice for Dizi-flute. I'll inform you of my examination soon.

[Guest LiXIQing]

Every measure in this song starts with a hyperbeat and every complete musical phrase ends with the hyperbeat too.

So it's strange to see 铜币 being placed at the end of the second measure and 3rd one starting with 啊（or和) when 5th measure starts with 币 logically finishing the second musical phrase.

You suggest that for the first time 币 is left unstressed and first musical expression ends with conjunctive particle 啊. It makes some trouble because we would have 4 notes for the 3rd measure and only 3 syllables to spare.

The second and the 4th bars start with 小 I guess.

It seems to me either I didn't understand you well or vice versa.

The second line 他们都是我的，都是我的啊。我的啊。 is replaced with 都是我的呢，都在我手里, 凑着好久。

As to the 3rd line which should be projected on 4 measures, including second half of 9 bar, 10, 11, 12 and first half of 13th one, I think your proposal suits much better but I see it rather like this: 我的（10）小铅币(11)用来买水(12)喝，换来(13)水.

And I had to truncate 4th line because it is almost impossible to shift so fast from A to G in 15th measure singing 了葡 instead of just 了. So the last line has now this look 我用（14）小铜币(15)买了葡萄（16）酒,葡萄（17）酒。

But when repeated and descending to chorus, good god, one extra syllable appears!

So there is a question I can use such a strange combination of 2 variants of the last line in the quatrain 我的小铜币用买了葡萄酒, can I not?

Updated scores attached. Midi file of the song is attached as well.

Overall result:

一个(2)小铜(3)币啊,一个(4)小铅(5)币。

都是(6)我的呢，都(7)在我手里, (8 )凑着好(9)久。

我的（10）小铅币(11)用来买水(12)喝，换来(13)水。

我用（14）小铜币(15)买了葡萄（16）酒,葡萄（17）酒。

我的（18）小铅币(19)用来买水(20)喝，换来(21)水。

我的(22)小铜币用(23)买了葡萄(24)酒!

And I think we have to give a name for the song. Any suggestion?

P.S. In order to see karaoke like lyrics use Winamp. If no lyrics window appear use Options -> Preferences -> Plug-ins -> Input -> Nullsoft MIDI player -> Configure -> Display -> Show lyrics display and check the box Show lyrics display while playing.

...but there is something still wrong with the song isn't it?

tmp7.pdf

tmp7.zip

[Qiulian]

LiXiQing,

I think it sounds great. I know very little about music, but I do really like the *wiggly* part (if you can understand that )of the music near the end . Good job!

Hope your assignment gets rave reviews

[Guest LiXIQing]

Thank you, Qiulian.

You are full co-autor of the work.

[ldgend]

凑着好久，I don't think it works...

maybe it change to "攒了好久"

that means amass a fortune

[Guest LiXIQing]

Now I've finished the work. You may listen to the outcome. Thank you all.

helladaptVST-01.mp3