Chinese dating customs

[Guest realmayo]

For a moment I thought you were talking about the forums.

[tamir302]

@imron- please elaborate, where will you go than?

[imron]

I'm not sure there's some particular place I would go, but I do know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who saw me as her personal English teacher, and as for bars, I personally don't go to them that often and doubt I'd be long-term compatible with someone who liked going to them regularly. Therefore English corners and bars are not places I'd look.

[skylee]

Perhaps imron and I should go out on a date.

[imron]

Unfortunately I go to Hong Kong even less than I go to bars . Not that I have anything against HK, but at $1000+ for a return ticket and a 10 hour flight each way, it's not exactly an ideal place to look for a date.

[Guest realmayo]

Skylee travels a lot though....

[daofeishi]

Skylee travels a lot though

Um... where I'm from, that statement is usually followed by a "nudge nudge, wink wink"

[Guest realmayo]

Perhaps you come from a rather peculiar place?

[ZhangKaiRong]

@tamir302

With Chinese girls, I think it's never too slow. I have a lot of friends here, I discussed this whole relationship thing with them several times. The girls' general view here is that courting for a long time means deeper emotions, so they like to be courted for an awful lot of time. A really pretty girl told me his boyfriend courted her for more than a year, but even the shortest time I heard was three months. So according to this, I also tell you to be slow (a hug is a great sign, but don't be hasty!), 慢慢来.

[Lu]

The main difference between the Chinese and Western dating customs IMO is that in the West we get to know each other in a relationship, in China people first get to know each other very well, and after get into a relationship. So, the Western way of dating is faster, the Chinese one is really really slow. The problem is that I don't want to build up the relationship in the Chinese way. I mean okay, I spend x months to court a girl, but I fear that in the end the result would be the same. This girl told me that she has never considered me more than just a friend, so I would spend x-1 more months for nothing.

This makes you sound like you only spent time with this woman because you wanted her for a girlfriend rather than because you enjoyed her company. If you enjoy someone's company, spending time with them is never a waste, even if nothing else comes out of it. If you don't enjoy someone's company, there is no point in having a relationship with her.

And then you ask about how to find a girlfriend and then you ask about how to get rid of all the women who chat you up on QQ because they want you for a boyfriend. Ehm, isn't there a solution right in front of you?

[ZhangKaiRong]

@Lu

Of course I enjoyed her company and treasured every moments with her. But if you fall in love with somebody, you definitely want to make things with her emotionally deeper, and if your partner doesn't think the same way, you can't help but feel you're wasting your time. I moved on, we're still friends. The only thing that bothers me concerning her that I chatted with her roommate who is also her best friend, and what she told me really shocked me. The case is that the girl really likes me, but doesn't think that we can have a future together, because next year I go back to the my country, and then she would be heart-broken. So she lied to me, even though I asked her to be honest...

Now I think I can move on: we are still friends, still chat a lot, she is a good person, so I don't want to lose her as a friend. In the last two weeks I prepared for my HSK and made new friends, I also started to date with an other awesome girl, I got positive feedbacks from her, so I guess I will be okay soon.

You misunderstood me, they don't want me to be a boyfriend, but to be a husband. There is a huge difference between the two. I'm 23, so I feel I can't be a suitable partner for 32-35 year-old Chinese women who would like to get married as soon as possible. There is a woman, she is an English teacher in a primary school, she even told me that if we start dating right now, we could get married in next May, lol... I can understand the social pressure on them, after turning 27-28 it is hard to be a single woman in China.