Would your mom kill herself to keep you from a marriage?

[Ian_Lee]

Though her mom's action is quite extreme, please look at her underlying motive.

The daughter is most likely her only kid under the "One Child Policy" and she is looking forward to have her daughter stay with her in Hainan when she is getting old.

But now her son-in-law to be doesn't seem have a bright prospect. He is only a veteran (even in US many homeless are veterans), no college degree and mostly likely possesses no other skills other than menial labor.

So what can he work in Hainan after he gets married?

Most likely high risk low pay construction jobs.

If you were the mother, would you wish your daughter marry this guy?

Moreover, this guy may take your daughter back to Guizhou.

It is like if you live in Hawaii, would you like your only daughter to marry and settle down in South Dakota? And most likely she cannot afford to fly to visit you in Thanksgiving every year? Or maybe you have to subsidize their living out of your pension?

[website]

The Chinese family carries a lot of weight. In the US, people can usually marry whoever they choose, but kids in China are often in a bind if their parents dislike their potential spouse. I know since my girlfriend's family doesn't like me because I don't like or need to work and perhaps

because I am a laowai. My GF tells me I should keep working even if I have money. I ought to save myself the hassle and dump her, but we've been together for three years.

By the way, I wouldn't suggest that any guys go to Hainan to look for women. The male to female sex ratio there is 140 boys for every 100 girls! Just for fun, the next time you meet a guy from Hainan ask him if he's married and watch the dejection on his face. Maybe if enough Chinese men are bachelors they will stop supporting sex-selective abortions.

[gato]

By the way, I wouldn't suggest that any guys go to Hainan to look for women. The male to female sex ratio there is 140 boys for every 100 girls! Just for fun, the next time you meet a guy from Hainan ask him if he's married and watch the dejection on his face. Maybe if enough Chinese men are bachelors they will stop supporting sex-selective abortions.

It's effective population control, though. If the 140:100 ratio holds true, we'll probably see China's population dip below 1 billion in a century.

[wenjing*girl]

I think most Hainan girls want to marry guys from the mainland. Hainan do kinda act like jerks from what I've seen. (plus, they are shorter)

[Cyberian]

You get disgusted over the mother not liking the man because the man carries a poor background.

Now you are disgusted at Hainanese men because they are short.

Say, 20-25 years from now. You had a daughter, and she is bringing home the typical short Hainanese man to meet you. Would you be standing at the edge of the window?

The male to female sex ratio there is 140 boys for every 100 girls! Just for fun, the next time you meet a guy from Hainan ask him if he's married and watch the dejection on his face.

Yeah... These Hainanese must be too stupid to go out of the island and find women elsewhere.

[pazu]

Yes it's common, but it's only common to threaten to kill herself if her daughter marries that Guizhounese. I guess such snobbish mom wouldn't easily kill herself... perhaps she would go kill the guy... take care.

[wenjing*girl]

Now you are disgusted at Hainanese men because they are short.

Say, 20-25 years from now. You had a daughter, and she is bringing home the typical short Hainanese man to meet you. Would you be standing at the edge of the window?

The point of my original post was that the reaction between the two cultures is different.

"disgusted"?? I don't remember saying that.... seems to have struck a nerve with you though. Short people deserve love too hon. How lucky you are to not be some "stupid, short Hainanese"

[Cyberian]

Lets review it again:

I think most Hainan girls want to marry guys from the mainland. Hainan do kinda act like jerks from what I've seen. (plus, they are shorter)

1. You degrade Hainanese men by saying the majority want to marry guys from the Mainland.

2. You say they act like jerks.

3. You discriminate their physical characteristics.

You don't have to say something to mean it.

The point of my original post was that the reaction between the two cultures is different.

You don't have to insult a culture to show a difference.

How lucky you are to not be some "stupid, short Hainanese"

That was sarcasm against Website. It was obvious, sorry if you failed to get it.

[wenjing*girl]

I think it's more that obvious that I was stating what I THOUGHT Hainan girls THOUGHT about the Hainan guys. If you ask 9 out of 10 girls there about it, that's the standard answer you'd get. Yes, I do think that Hainan guys act like jerks from what I've seen. Seems you like taking people's words out of context.

You don't have to say something to mean it.

I'm not sure exactly what this is supposed to mean, but I gather that it's another sacrastic put down. Well done again.

You don't have to insult a culture to show a difference.

I am sorry if I offended you by what I said in my origional post. This was not my intent. This is due to my own ignorance about Chinese culture, thanks for pointing it out, I'll be more careful with how I word myself from now on.

[Cyberian]

I think it's more that obvious that I was stating what I THOUGHT Hainan girls THOUGHT about the Hainan guys. If you ask 9 out of 10 girls there about it, that's the standard answer you'd get. Yes, I do think that Hainan guys act like jerks from what I've seen. Seems you like taking people's words out of context.

I fully understand the above is your opinion, and strictly is. Perhaps everything you said maybe true.

But you don't have to use words like 'jerks' to describe them. There's a variety of less offensive words to describe them. Or criticize their physical characterisitc and regional status in a public forum.

Again, they are your opinions. You have a right to express them freely. But you should consider what others would feel about it when you say it.

[bhchao]

It's effective population control, though. If the 140:100 ratio holds true, we'll probably see China's population dip below 1 billion in a century

But that comes at the expense of creating one of the largest aging populations in the world. In Asia, I think China is only 2nd to Japan in this area. There are not enough kids to take care of their parents, leaving a huge financial burden on the government, which currently has a big pension shortfall. It will also have a negative impact on the labor workforce in the future.

Ian is probably right. The daughter is probably the mother's only child. If the daughter marries the Guizhounese guy, no one will take care of the mother.

I rather see China's population zoom past 1.4 billion while generating more girls in the process, than have the population dip below 1 billion with the male:female ratio growing bigger and bigger. Sooner or later, women there will join the panda on the endangered species list.

I'd say ditch the one-child policy and offer tax credits to couples who have not more than two children.

[gato]

When almost everyone worked for state industries, the government could enforce the one-child policy with reduction in wages and so forth. How does it do it now that many people are not dependant on the government for jobs?

[owen]

There are not enough kids to take care of their parents

Perhaps if said parents are anything like the mother of the original post in this thread then they don't deserve any taking care of.

A lot of chinese parenting is what i would call horrific. I realize that is subject to my own ethnocentrism. But to me there is something noble in the ideal unconditional love parenting scenario that western culture strives (often failing i know) for. And conversely theres something that makes me nauseous about the idea of raising a child in a web of codependancy, and only taking care of them as a business transaction for future payoff.

[skylee]

Sooner or later, women there will join the panda on the endangered species list.

Look to Hong Kong, where the birth rate is about the lowest in the world and the male to female ratio would be 3:4 by 2031 -> http://www.chinese-forums.com/viewtopic.php?t=983

[Yuri]

Though her mom's action is quite extreme, please look at her underlying motive.

The daughter is most likely her only kid under the "One Child Policy" and she is looking forward to have her daughter stay with her in Hainan when she is getting old.

But now her son-in-law to be doesn't seem have a bright prospect. He is only a veteran (even in US many homeless are veterans), no college degree and mostly likely possesses no other skills other than menial labor.

So what can he work in Hainan after he gets married?

Most likely high risk low pay construction jobs.

If you were the mother, would you wish your daughter marry this guy?

Moreover, this guy may take your daughter back to Guizhou.

It is like if you live in Hawaii, would you like your only daughter to marry and settle down in South Dakota? And most likely she cannot afford to fly to visit you in Thanksgiving every year? Or maybe you have to subsidize their living out of your pension?

In life, many of the decisions taken by a person are based more on the thought of ensuring his own survival, rather than on grounds of whether his decision is beneficial to the other parties. This isn't just because of selfishness but also because people fear change and loss. But yet, change and loss are inevitable.

I would also like to point out that marriage based on purely or partially materialistic terms usually ends up in rifts that often scar the person badly for life(for a number, it ends up in suicide or alcoholism or even abuse of drugs and some end up abusing their own children). For a marriage to work, both parties have to really "accept" and love one another.

If I were a mother, I'd rather my children to marry someone they truly love. And, oh, it's up to them though, what they want to sacrifice. When you want another thing, you have to give up something in return. People who don't understand this usually end up suffering even more anguish because they don't understand the meaning of loss. Yeah, loss hurts but it happens!

But, still, there are a million ways of getting rich and making money and although education and money are ways of enriching one's life, they're not everything there is. I mean, look at some of the millionaires, they didn't even have anything past a high school education(some didn't even graduate out of elementary school!!). And, the amount of people making tons of money is increasing and increasing.

[TSkillet]

Look to Hong Kong, where the birth rate is about the lowest in the world and the male to female ratio would be 3:4 by 2031

Maybe I should move back to Hong Kong . . .

[Ian_Lee]

Tskillet:

But are you preparing to have three kids?

The new CE of HK, Sir Donald, sincerely urged married couples in HK to give birth to three kids.

And most likely tax incentive will be provided to the 3rd child in the future.

[TSkillet]

I think trying to raise three kids in Hong Kong would be a nightmare - just because of space. Maybe that's just the American side of me talking though. Even in my old apartment which was 1,800' - three kids sounds like a lot of people in one space.