stephenieyuan Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:03 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:03 AM @diste01 Now, that I think about it, a lot of men in China don't open doors, follow by the "ladies first" rule, or anything. hahah. In fact, they'll even push women out of the way when they're in a rush to get somewhere. Personal experience. Anyway, I think I just have a slightly different perspective on it because I've never met a guy who tried using me for money, whereas you have had girlfriends that have done just that. @newforeigner o0o0o ;) Haha, just kidding. Hope it works out for you.
diste01 Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:13 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:13 AM Well that sounds like i was always getting ripped off, not the case. I just would like to make things clear that these were short-term relationships (not necessarily serious) and were stopped quickly. All in all I'd say 70% good, 30% bad experiences. If I do the maths it's still a great result but I took care of my "odds" here instead of letting things be!
stephenieyuan Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:23 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 04:23 AM Hahah, good idea I think with any relationship, romantic or platonic, if there's something that makes you suspicious or unhappy, it's best to just drop them before it becomes a bigger issue.
imron Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:39 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:39 AM So, I just have to wait for her next reply which could be forever? I think you're supposed to take the hint that she's not interested in you. Quite often in China people will not tell you no directly. Rather they will give some sort of non-commital 'maybe' or 'later' or 'I have to wait for X to happen first' or 'I can't do X because of obstacle Y', but really, they mean no. Clearing obstacle Y doesn't mean they will do X, instead it means they will provide you with obstacle Z (and so on and so on until you take the hint). My advice would be to forget about this girl (who you don't even really know) and move on. 3
jasoninchina Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:41 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:41 AM Don't forget to carry her purse.
diste01 Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:58 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 05:58 AM Partially agreed with imron but I wouldn't put them in the same basket. It's true that Asians rarely say no since they consider it as losing face so they say "maybe", make excuses or do something similar. But we all know that women are women and it must be more complicated than that (don't take it serious anyone! just joking)... Some women need attention and proof that you're not just seeking to get laid and move on. They're often mistaken since some guys know how to handle that and it ends up exactly the same, but at least they make sure it's not as easy... Maybe she's looking for a husband and decided that unless you really show that you like her and make a massive amount of effort so she feels like number 1, she won't go on a date with you. I'd say, do what you think but you definitely need some first hand experience in this subject if you want to have a successful relationship in future. My 2 cents.
newforeigner Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:30 AM Author Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:30 AM She is the really attractive type. At the phone store, she flipped her hair in front of me for about six times. It might be that she wanted attention. It might be that she did not wash her hair.
diste01 Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:37 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:37 AM You sure it wasn't 7? Only joking. Loving your descriptions mate!
liuzhou Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:39 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:39 AM why does a man have to ask a woman to marry him? Haha! Try reading Romeo and Juliet and see who asks whom. Actually the person concerned doesn't so much ask as demand. The idea that men always ask women to marry them is utter nonsense and has been for centuries.
diste01 Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:43 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:43 AM Maybe it's not always true but it is in my culture. Not that it has to happen but I know I'd most likely need to take initiative. And somehow I don't see a problem with that. Pretty sure I'd know the answer by the time I decide to take this step anyway.
imron Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:51 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 06:51 AM She is the really attractive type. At the phone store, she flipped her hair in front of me for about six times. this doesn't change anything I said.
liuzhou Posted August 8, 2012 at 08:24 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 08:24 AM Maybe it's not always true but it is in my culture. But usually only symbolically. The whole tradition is a late 18th-early 19th century upper middle class construct. See Jane Austen etc. Most couples just reach a mutual consensus that marriage is the next step.
diste01 Posted August 8, 2012 at 08:37 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 08:37 AM I'm not actually sure what most couples do nowadays, would need to ask some friends cause lots of them are actually getting married nowadays. However, I'd prefer this to be something more special than reaching an agreement. Again this is just me.
stephenieyuan Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:22 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:22 AM I don't think it's utter nonsense...I agree with diste01. Imagine the conversation about getting married on the couch watching tv compared to a nice surprise dinner with friends and finally the official proposal. One just seems more special and exciting than the other.
newforeigner Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:31 AM Author Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:31 AM I asked her when she is coming back. She wrote "I will be back next week or earlier." Doesn't sound good. 1
liuzhou Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:39 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:39 AM I don't think it's utter nonsense...I agree with diste01. Imagine the conversation about getting married on the couch watching tv compared to a nice surprise dinner with friends and finally the official proposal. One just seems more special and exciting than the other. But that 's not how it usually happens, other than symbolically. Those heart-wrenching videos (if you watch too much YouTube) when he suddenly gets on his knees! Come on! 1
stephenieyuan Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:12 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:12 AM "Come on" what. I think it's just what people prefer. I prefer to be asked in a romantic way rather than just agree to it casually. It's obviously implied that you'll get married as the relationship becomes more serious, but it's nice to have an official moment that your status changes to. It's kind of like the day you ask a girl to be your girlfriend and that day would be when you celebrate your anniversary from then on. It's something to celebrate, something BIG, not just something to talk over coffee about. If you think that proposing isn't a big deal, then I guess the girl you marry will have to accept that, but personally I wouldn't feel comfortable getting married to a guy that isn't willing to just follow this ONE tradition just because he thinks that it's "utter nonsense."
stephenieyuan Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:13 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:13 AM By the way, I'm a girl. You should take that into account. But this is just my opinion.
roddy Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:13 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:13 AM Would be appreciated if we could keep things relevant to China, rather than how we'd all like to be proposed to
gato Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM Report Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:38 AM The tradition in China and a lot of other places is actually to make the marriage proposal to the girl's parents :-). 1
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