Dating in China

[anonymoose]

I paid but she did not even say thank you. Is this common in China?

Yes. I think this is usually explained as saying thank you is too 见外 if you are friends. Or that gratitude is expressed in some other way.

[gato]

Demonic_Duck has been getting better text messages than you.

http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/38728-another-thread-about-chinese-dating-customs-sorry/page__pid__291337#comment-291337

Another thread about Chinese dating customs (sorry!)

[newforeigner]

If we saw each other by chance face to face, sure she could act pleasant in person but inaccessible and distant otherwise. However, since I did not see her, she did not have to call my name from within a store and asked me to wait for her. This is the part I am confused.

I am not the teacher of that student. There is no touching, no love or whatever. I was just gathering information about the university before the school term is started. I paid for her because you guys mentioned that it is usually guys who pay. Moreover, I got some useful information from her. I don't see anything inappropriate.

[David Wong]

She's playing mind games with you. Power games. You're feeling confused? That's exactly where she wants you. You're playing into her hands. Forget her. Next time she calls out your name in a store, pretend you've never met. That's how the game is played.

[newforeigner]

I think so too. Maybe when she decides to go out with me, she will ask me to buy her many things.

[Lu]

@David Wong: how is it a game to not go out with a guy? Or am I too uneducated in feminine wiles to get the point of this? Perhaps she thinks it's interesting to know a foreigner, but doesn't want to take the knowing any further. Perhaps she was genuinely happy to see him and then realized that he still wanted to go out with her. Anyway, we'll never know, but since he's now been turned downyet again it's still time to give up on this particular woman and move on.

[anonymoose]

how is it a game to not go out with a guy?

She likes the attention even though she does not want to go out with him, or is at least undecided.

[gato]

Remember she's an undergrad in China, mostly likely without much dating experience and unlikely to be playing games that you are used with older women. And most people don't tend to play mind games with people they like, anyway. If she is playing a game, she's probably not that into you.

[newforeigner]

She is a 3rd year student. She showed me her apartment. Perhaps she wants me to stand outside her apartment every day to show that I really want her?

[gato]

You gotta move on. Eight weeks and not one date. This is not meant to be. She's probably too young for you, anyway.

[liuzhou]

"according to local custom, no proposal can be seriously considered till the suitor has sent over gifts of cakes.

Chess has its rules: the castles and knights have to move in different ways. If [he] wants to be a castle, he can get his father to approach [her father] through a go-between. If he wants to be a knight, he can stand on the hill ... and serenade [her] for three years and six months. Then it is for the girl to decide."

Shen Congwen (沈从文) - The Border Town (边城)

[abcdefg]

She showed me her apartment. Perhaps she wants me to stand outside her apartment every day to show that I really want her?

Great idea! And if that doesn't work, consider self-immolation.

[newforeigner]

Why 3 years and 6 months?

[liuzhou]

Why 3 years and 6 months?

Why not? It's a custom. Does there have to be a reason?

Anyway, the novel doesn't say why. I suspect it is just a figurative way of saying "for a long time".

[David Wong]

Oh, you know where she lives?

Okay, here's your shopping list: 1) Trenchcoat sleeves rolled up. 2) Boombox. 3) Mix tape of "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. The rest you already know...

[David Wong]

@Lu - I have no idea. Calling it a game is simply a way for me to make some sense of it. 谁知女人心。。。

[crystal123]

I think the girl did not playing game, I think this is a culture different.

[Azure Boone]

It's silly to act like we can know what this girl is actually thinking. You can't stereotype this kind of stuff, every situation is different and we're just having fun guessing. So many good ideas for stories in here though...a lot of you guys need to be writing!

I just finished one called Akira Tong For Christmas (please don't tell me that's a lousy name! I went for popular in the list this time) and the guy is from Japan. I had to include two holidays in it, so, I chose Christmas (which takes place in America) and New Years, which takes place in Japan. Needless to say, it took a lot of research to create believable scenarios. And also, Google Earth is a remarkable tool for going places you've never been, or You Tubing, there isn't much that somebody hasn't posted to you tube. I even found an exorcism performed by a Taoist priest! Tao gun and all! I had fun incorporating that into a botched exorcism with a guy who had a feisty demon. (that would be the China Doll one, not holiday one)

[roddy]

You gotta move on.

140 posts on this? Perhaps time for everyone else to move on too.